We often hear about the importance of compromise. And, of course, in certain situations, it might be the only way to move a deal forward or to successfully end a conflict. But is compromise itself actually the most desirable solution? More often than not, the answer to that is… “no, it isn’t.” Compromise, by its very nature, involves both parties giving up something they want. That’s a lose/lose and, so often, it’s totally unnecessary.
Of course, we know this is part of life and part of the human element. We are not necessarily dealing with rational, logical people. It can be frustrating for sure. Fortunately, there is an answer. As we learn from Bob in Influence & Success Insights Video #23 titled, “The Phrase That Persuades” there are eight words you can use that – when applied correctly – will practically always move that other person to the correct and proper action. Just as importantly, in a way that benefits them, as well.
It’s so natural to do, yet so very counterproductive. When presented with a negative question, or one intended to somehow put us the spot, we react defensively and dismiss it as though it’s not an issue at all. Which – of course – only tells that person and everyone observing that, indeed, it IS an issue. In Influence & Success Insights Video #22 titled, “It’s ALWAYS a Problem…Unless It Isn’t” Bob shares, through a fantastic example he witnessed several years ago, a much more effective, productive, and persuasive way to handle this type of situation.
The word “ego” typically brings with it a negative connotation; one of self-centered braggadocio or even narcissism. That’s just one aspect of it though. Really, like any other principle or universal law, ego, “the ‘I’ or self of any person” is neither good nor bad, it just…is. How it manifests is what makes it positive or negative. When in control of one’s own ego it can lead to very positive results.
While Influence itself has to do with moving people to our ideas or certain specific actions in the best interests of all concerned, it’s not always a straight shot from Point A to Point B. It’s also not going to happen every time and with every issue. As we explore in Influence & Success Insights Video #17 titled, “Let Go of Having to Be Right” not only is letting go of our attachment to such simply necessary for our own peace of mind, paradoxically, it’s also more likely to result in our being right more often…and more persuasively!
Of all the people skills that help a person to have “Genuine Influence” perhaps none is more important than a well-developed sense of empathy. But here’s something interesting: while many believe that in order to have empathy, you must understand exactly “how the other person feels”, as we see in Influence & Success Insights Video #16, titled, “The Beauty of Empathy”, that’s simply not the case.
Those who master the art of tact will find that ideas of theirs that at one time would have almost automatically been resisted by others are now much more consistently and readily accepted. But, aren’t the facts themselves important? Sure they are. But, as we discover in Influence & Success Insights Video #15, titled, “Tact, The Language of Strength”, because we’re so often dealing with people whose emotions and egos supersede their logic…while facts matter, they don’t necessarily persuade. People persuade.
What if there was one thing you could do in the influence and persuasion process that was SO powerful that doing so correctly actually put you about 80-90 percent of the way toward accomplishing your goal while also helping the other person to come out ahead? Well…there is. And in Influence & Success Insights Video #13, titled, “Set The Proper Frame” you’ll learn exactly why this is so.
In the previous video you began the process of retraining your brain to respond in those normally difficult people-situations as opposed to reacting. Now let’s complete the process. In Influence & Success Insights Video #10, titled, “Retrain Your Brain, Part Two” we learn how to take it from understanding to application. Your results will be truly extraordinary.
In the last post we looked at the immense difference between “reacting” (negative) and “responding” (positive). But, how do we do ensure that we respond, despite what someone else says or does that might normally elicit our negative reaction? How do we…take back control over our emotions so that our emotions are working for us rather than against us?