A recent post discussed the difference in results between saying to someone, “If I could prove to you that…” as opposed to “If you could prove to yourself…”
With that in mind, here’s another helpful tip.
Again, this was learned from the great, Zig Ziglar (a few of you might be aware that he is one of my all-time favorites). 🙂
He says that people do not; they will not change their minds.
Huh?
That’s right, they will not change their minds. “However” he also teaches that…
“People will make new decisions based on new information.”
I love it! And, ain’t it da’ truth? I learned that from him 25 years ago listening to one of his audio programs and have found it to be a principle that has withstood the test of time.
Try and “change their mind” and the chances are dismal that you will obtain the desired results. But tactfully present and communicate your data in such a way that they see it as new information that “they” have concluded as being true, and the odds increase significantly of their mind being open enough to emotionally let it inside. Then – and only then – are they likely to come to a new conclusion.
Have you found this to be so? Examples, please! 🙂
Enjoy this post? Receive an update when our next post is published by entering your best email address below and clicking Get Updates.
Once again, you (and Zig) make an excellent point. I was recently “accused” of being “easily influenced by others”. When I dug deeper with the person it turns out that they only saw the beginning of a journey for clarity (a question being asked of me) and the end result (coming back with an answer different from my initial analysis), without understanding that of course I’m open to “changing my mind” – as of now rephrased to “making a different decision” – because I went out, spoke to the experts, and came back with more information that made me come to a different conclusion!
As this process is so innate to me I thought everyone worked this way! Apparently not.
Oh, and when polling about a dozen people who know me better than the person making the “accusation”, they all laughed and were amazed anyone would think that I would be easily influenced by anyone. Give me a good enough argument – more information – and I’m always open to making a different decision!!!
Thanks once again, Bob, for helping me reframe the conversation. See? More information, better clarity!
Beth, thank you for your very kind and complimentary words. A couple of thoughts here, if I may:
1. Regarding the person who made that statement to you. Remember that people make major decisions based on very limited information. And, it’s usually based on one’s “own” believe system. So, while I’m sure he was well-intentioned, that statement he made was saying more about him (and his worldview) than it does about you.
2. The fact that you consistently seek the truth says a LOT about you. Most people have to be presented with “new information” in order to not emotionally “defend their position.” The fact that you actually “seek out” that information – in other words, that you are always in learning mode – speaks volumes.
3. No, most people don’t work like that. 🙂
Like Sean, I too was knee-deep in this, but not last weekend…TODAY, less than an hour ago. So forgive me if I use too many CAPS or !!!!!’s I’m still letting it go…..GRRrrrrrrrrr!!!
Interesting (and by interesting I might mean I need to go think on this some more) that I was actually suggesting (which bordered on begging!) the other party to do just what you are suggesting here: allow in more information so perhaps…PERHAPS!!! you might be able to see things from a different perspective. I prefer to surround myself with open-minded people. I can usually tolerate and even enjoy narrow-minded people. However…… closed minds are not my cup of tea. And after reading this post I think I know why. Thanks Bob!
Zig Ziglar is my favorite too and I remember coming across this in one of his books or training videos just a few months and it was a “aha” moment for me!
It is difficult to change people’s minds, but based on new information, we all change our minds everyday. I happen to apply this principle with my children everyday and it works ALL THE TIME 🙂
Thank you for sharing this Bob. However, there are people around who don’t know and don’t care to take information. That is where your books come handy. You have given numerous such examples in your books and your techniques help many times in similar circumstances.
Regards,
Snigdha
Wow, thank you, Snigdha. Very kind of you to say, my friend!
Bob! I was just knee deep in this very sitution over the weekend. A certain family member who shall remain nameless (lol), was in a particularly obstinate and argumentative state. It was interesting to watch myself and see what buttons he was pushing and what my knee jerk tendencies were reaction wise. It took a bit of reconnecting to my wiser self (not always easy! LOL), but what I enjoyed was moving past the “battle” mentality, and moving into the sharing information in a neutral fashion mentality. A bit of the Aunt Elle yielding/parry technique! The less I pushed against his argument, the more able he was to hear other info. In the end, I think he felt a bit silly being so worked up…some folks really do get a rush from the argument battlefield! And boy is it easy to get sucked into it! I guess the moral of my story, was that by pulling back emotionally, deciding to not let myself get sucked in, and to not simply react, but to instead respond (see, I am learning! Lol), I became much more powerful, and in fact opened him up to a different perspective…and all without the negative emotional exchange of battle! Thanks!
Wow – Sean, you said it perfectly That’s a great lesson. Thank you for sharing such terrific teaching with us.
New info didn’t change my mind, it changed my life & prepared me to continually seek & apply new information daily.
BTW…I brought you along for my devotions at work today in the form of your amazing books that have greatly influenced my life.
Thanks Bob!
Blessings,
g
You always bring a smile of understanding to my face with the clarity you bring. I’ve been where Sean’s been. And I don’t always remember that I can ‘pause’ after the stimulus before I react – and choose to react differently with my new information 🙂 Thanks for your insights, as always, Bob.
Thanks Bob ….
Mike