Wordsmith extraordinaire, John David Mann and writer averageaire, 🙂 yours truly, often discuss a concept during media interviews for which we both have a different name. He calls it the “Treacherous Dichotomy.” I call it the “False Dilemma.”
Either term can be defined as the unnecessary use of the word, “or” (i.e., “wealthy OR happy”, “giver OR receiver”, “nice person OR finishes first”). Of course, in each of these cases, “or” is best replaced with “and” since not only are both possible; both are very natural.
“During a recent coaching session a friend, fellow coach and client of many years confessed to me that she still struggles with charging a fee for coaching because it brings HER so much joy.
“So, I asked her ‘what is a coach who does not bring joy into the relationship worth?’ She admitted that would have very little value. ‘So then,’ I challenged her, ‘you would have to agree that it stands to reason that, assuming their skills and talents were similar, a coach who brought tremendous joy into the relationship would be worth proportionately more?’”
First, great response, Dixie! I would suggest that your kindly-shared wisdom be copied and pasted (with proper attribution, of course), glued to an index card, and taped somewhere where it can be seen constantly by everyone as an excellent reminder.
Actually, though, there are two dynamics at work in the above scenario. One is the usual question of self-doubt. “How much should I charge? Am I worth that much? Do I bring sufficient value to the table to justify my fee?”
And, that’s something many people struggle with. I’ve certainly been there, done that and “bought my own tee-shirt” in that regard. (Fortunately, I managed to get over it.) 🙂
But, while that issue is certainly an important one to resolve, there is – as I see it – an even bigger one, and it’s something that has been drilled into our heads forever through one mainly unwritten but nearly always-accepted rule. In the next article, we’ll look at what that is.
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