Wordsmith extraordinaire, John David Mann and writer averageaire, đ yours truly, often discuss a concept during media interviews for which we both have a different name. He calls it the âTreacherous Dichotomy.â I call it the âFalse Dilemma.â
Either term can be defined as the unnecessary use of the word, âorâ (i.e., âwealthy OR happyâ, âgiver OR receiverâ, ânice person OR finishes firstâ). Of course, in each of these cases, âorâ is best replaced with âandâ since not only are both possible; both are very natural.
In her recent blog post, entrepreneurial coach, Dixie âDynamiteâ Gillaspie, related the following:
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âDuring a recent coaching session a friend, fellow coach and client of many years confessed to me that she still struggles with charging a fee for coaching because it brings HER so much joy.
âSo, I asked her âwhat is a coach who does not bring joy into the relationship worth?â She admitted that would have very little value. âSo then,â I challenged her, âyou would have to agree that it stands to reason that, assuming their skills and talents were similar, a coach who brought tremendous joy into the relationship would be worth proportionately more?ââ
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First, great response, Dixie! I would suggest that your kindly-shared wisdom be copied and pasted (with proper attribution, of course), glued to an index card, and taped somewhere where it can be seen constantly by everyone as an excellent reminder.
Actually, though, there are two dynamics at work in the above scenario. One is the usual question of self-doubt. âHow much should I charge? Am I worth that much? Do I bring sufficient value to the table to justify my fee?â
And, thatâs something many people struggle with. Iâve certainly been there, done that and âbought my own tee-shirtâ in that regard. (Fortunately, I managed to get over it.) đ
But, while that issue is certainly an important one to resolve, there is â as I see it â an even bigger one, and itâs something that has been drilled into our heads forever through one mainly unwritten but nearly always-accepted rule. In the next article, weâll look at what that is.
What do you think it is?
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Great Insight! Could the issue your thinking about possible be our inherent belief that we are undeserving? Somehow so many of us believe that we are undeserving of success of any kind, resulting in lack of pursuing our passions. I truly believe that we get exactly what we think we deserve! And often that can be a terrible thing!
-Walt
Joy and happiness is priceless! What can I say? Just don’t sacrifice your own happiness and joy for someone’s. I did it for two years for my ex-fiancee and it nearly ruined my health and sanity.
Interest thing is that Bob’s teachings can be applied to both business and relationships. It works!
Bob, thanks for sharing that story and thanks for the conversations about it as well. Sharing challenges and insights with you is one of my greatest joys! And while it may SOUND like I was the wise one in the story, the truth is we teach what we most need to learn and I should have my own index card with that lesson affixed to my forehead. đ Looking forward to tomorrow’s post (writing a follow up of my own to post as well) but I won’t give the answer away.
I am sititng in anticipation of your next post!
As for underestimating the value you provide, I too am guilty of not charging so often cause I just Loved to help my tax clients.
What has happened to me is I fell out of Love with being a tax preparer and I became quite annoyed by my clients. Thoughts like “Why dont they appreciate what I do for them?” “Why dont they ever do what I suggest and then they could be more successful financially” “Why do I bother doing more than is expected, it is not appreciated”
I imagine that if I was properly compensated for the value I gave, I would not have become resentful.
Resolution came in 2009 when I sold the biz. I will always have a passion for money and finance and in my next biz, I will be sure I receive equal value from my clients. Unbalanced transactions ultimately fail.
Thank you, to you both, Bob and Dixie..I’m cutting and pasting as soon as I finish this! One copy for for myself and then out to my clients and friends….You’ve gotta love a brilliant re-frame, what a gift! Thanks, again!
As a real estate investor and computer database consultant, I am paid for the value I bring to any given situation. That being said, I am more valuable to my client if, though I have the same level of skill necessary to resolve their issues, I bring my solution with clear communication and a pleasant, optimistic, joyous demeanor. Not only can I charge more, but I get referrals like crazy.
My favorite business rule, which I constantly keep in mind, is “Your raise will become effective when you do.”