It’s not really a “guest post” per se. My adopted human, Bob Burg is out of town and technophobe that he is, probably won’t even see this until he gets back (which, I must admit, I never know when that is, which annoys me, but not that much. I don’t really miss Bob, nor do I need him. And, fortunately, our nice neighbor, Mrs. McClain, or one of her cute kids comes by and feeds me when he’s gone, so I don’t really miss Bob at all).
You might be wondering how I even got to post this. I’m more clever than you might imagine. I’ve watched Bob on this cool iMac enough to know how this works. Easy enough to tap into his Internet. Of course, he’ll be ticked. But, do I look like I care? Let’s put it this way; if I look like I care…I don’t!
Plain and simply, Bob is annoying. While I must admit, he does have a way of knowing exactly where to scratch me behind the ears (purrrrrrrr), and prepares the most delicious catnip imaginable, he’s really a pain. He has the nerve to insists on “fist bumps” where he holds out his fist and I’m supposed to bump my head into it. Yes, very mature, Bob, very mature…NOT!
I know he has posted about me before and, quite frankly, I don’t like it. Who does he think he is sharing my adorableness with others without my permission!?
So, since he has ruined my reputation and violated my privacy, I might as well tell you about myself from my point of view (yes, I italicized “my.” I’m very smart. Did you have any doubt?)
Favorite human: Stewie Griffin from Family Guy. Ha!…Bob thinks I hang out in the living room with him so that he can scratch me behind the ears (purrrrrrrr). Absolutely not! I’m in there to learn world domination from Stewie!
Least favorite human: Bob Burg. Who does he think he is, calling himself “Daddy.” How dare he!? If it wasn’t for his amazing ability to scratch behind my ears (purrrrrrrr) he would be useless. And, the catnip. And the two meals he feeds me. And the snacks. But, I don’t need him to do any of that. I could easily do it myself. Except for the ears part (purrrrrrrr). But even that is no biggie.
Other least favorite human: The lawnmower guy.
Favorite entertainment: Watching dogs suck up to their humans. It’s so amusing; they actually seem to love their humans and desire that their humans love them. How silly. I can’t imagine such a thing!
How I met Bob: Was wandering the neighborhood when I saw him. Trained him little by little to feed me, let him get closer and closer to me until I would eventually come inside his house to eat and then go sleep on his porch. Actually, he only thinks it’s his porch. It’s really mine, and he may not come out here unless I’m outside playing.
Well, don’t tell Bob I did this. In fact, I might just delete it before he gets home, whenever that is. I miss hi….errr, I mean, I miss hitting him with my paw when he doesn’t do exactly as I demand.
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