It’s not really a “guest post” per se. My adopted human, Bob Burg is out of town and technophobe that he is, probably won’t even see this until he gets back (which, I must admit, I never know when that is, which annoys me, but not that much. I don’t really miss Bob, nor do I need him. And, fortunately, our nice neighbor, Mrs. McClain, or one of her cute kids comes by and feeds me when he’s gone, so I don’t really miss Bob at all).
You might be wondering how I even got to post this. I’m more clever than you might imagine. I’ve watched Bob on this cool iMac enough to know how this works. Easy enough to tap into his Internet. Of course, he’ll be ticked. But, do I look like I care? Let’s put it this way; if I look like I care…I don’t!
Plain and simply, Bob is annoying. While I must admit, he does have a way of knowing exactly where to scratch me behind the ears (purrrrrrrr), and prepares the most delicious catnip imaginable, he’s really a pain. He has the nerve to insists on “fist bumps” where he holds out his fist and I’m supposed to bump my head into it. Yes, very mature, Bob, very mature…NOT!
I know he has posted about me before and, quite frankly, I don’t like it. Who does he think he is sharing my adorableness with others without my permission!?
So, since he has ruined my reputation and violated my privacy, I might as well tell you about myself from my point of view (yes, I italicized “my.” I’m very smart. Did you have any doubt?)
Name: Liberty (get this…sometimes he calls me Liberty “Burg.” What a putz. Like I would take his last name. Never!)
Favorite human: Stewie Griffin from Family Guy. Ha!…Bob thinks I hang out in the living room with him so that he can scratch me behind the ears (purrrrrrrr). Absolutely not! I’m in there to learn world domination from Stewie!
Least favorite human: Bob Burg. Who does he think he is, calling himself “Daddy.” How dare he!? If it wasn’t for his amazing ability to scratch behind my ears (purrrrrrrr) he would be useless. And, the catnip. And the two meals he feeds me. And the snacks. But, I don’t need him to do any of that. I could easily do it myself. Except for the ears part (purrrrrrrr). But even that is no biggie.
Other least favorite human: The lawnmower guy.
Favorite entertainment: Watching dogs suck up to their humans. It’s so amusing; they actually seem to love their humans and desire that their humans love them. How silly. I can’t imagine such a thing!
How I met Bob: Was wandering the neighborhood when I saw him. Trained him little by little to feed me, let him get closer and closer to me until I would eventually come inside his house to eat and then go sleep on his porch. Actually, he only thinks it’s his porch. It’s really mine, and he may not come out here unless I’m outside playing.
Well, don’t tell Bob I did this. In fact, I might just delete it before he gets home, whenever that is. I miss hi….errr, I mean, I miss hitting him with my paw when he doesn’t do exactly as I demand.
Such as scratching me behind the ears (purrrrrrrr).
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Uh Oh Liberty, you are in for some big trouble! But i must admit, you are one funny cat – very clever…and we humans wonder what goes on with our pets when we’re not home – you have just let the mystery out! 🙂
Love it Bob, just love it! 🙂
Liberty, thanks for shedding some light on what my cats probably think of me. All this time, I’ve been thinking that they are just pretending not to care too much about me, but apparently that is not the case. I must say, I am surprised that Bob’s kind, gracious way of being hasn’t rubbed off on you, but at least you are authentic. And funny, although you’re probably not TRYING to be funny. You might appreciate him more if he stopped scratching behind your ears. In fact, I might suggest that to him. 🙂
Liberty, I am very impressed, though not surprised, a cat figured out how to write a blog. You are the most intelligent animals on the planet. If you want, I am sure I can get you Linda’s cats phone number, or the very least email…if you are anything like Bob you may want to start networking, since I think today you have attracted a whole lot of new fans 🙂 I hope to read more from you soon, of course only when YOU are ready to grace us with some more of your profoundness..BTW – I do know for a fact Bob loves you…maybe every once in a while throw him a bone (no pun intended) and let him think he is in charge 🙂
I have no idea how Liberty managed write this post, what with having no opposable thumbs and all….but as suspicious as I am that Liberty had some human assistance, I have to say that it’s not unsurprising that Bob’s cat is as clever and witty as Bob himself. 😀 The gift of the giggle is much-appreciated this morning. 🙂
I’m sure that you must have a dog around the house somewhere to be able to post and spell everything so well.
My master takes me to school everyday where I get to listen to special kids read to me. They think I’m not listening, but that’s how I have learned so much. They play with me and let me sit in the classroom. A cat could never do that. Then there’s the special jacket I have that let’s me go into all kinds of places a cat could never go. It says Therapy Dog on it. I looked in the catalog and there isn’t a Therapy Cat badge.
For fun, I get to jump off of a dock into water, people cheer for me and I get ribbons. Yes, Liberty, let’s see you jump into water, let alone anyone cheer for a cat.
My favorite channel is called Boomerang, but I call it the All Dog Channel. It has my heroes like Scooby Do, Droopy and Quick Draw McGraw. The only cats I ever see on that channel are getting beat up by a mouse or in search of lasagna.
Like my friend from Homeward Bound says: Dogs rule and cats drool.
Hysterical…I am still laughing out loud at my desk! As a cat owner, I really do believe they think very little of us humans, except for the scratching behind the ears. LOL! Great post and thanks for the laugh!!
You gotta love a cat that uses the word “putz’! Rock on, Liberty!
I finally get to know you. My name is Ug. You won’t believe it: they called me Ug for.. Ugly. When I am the most beautiful cat in the world (besides you, of course). I guess human beings just have no appreciation for the unique color mix of my fur, my drooling, my yellow eyes and my six different tones and levels of purr.
Obviously, you have started a great training program for Bob. But allow me to give you some suggestions:
1. try to coaching instead of training. You have to admit that your human (Bob that is) is good at it. Use his techniques for your own benefit. Trust me, he won’t notice…
2. use the “pouting technique”. Humans can’t stand to see someone giving them the silent treatment of pouting. It makes them feel guilty (even if they are not. but shshsh….)
3. use self discipline when it comes to food. I explain: if you find, on your plate (I hope he serves you food on a china plate, not those common “cat bowls” berk…), food you don’t like, just don’t eat it. Even if you are hungry. Instead, turn up your nose in a very dignified and serious attitude and let your human know that, in no circumstances, you would eat THAT food.
4. In the same vein, use positive reinforcement: when you get delicious food, don’t hesitate to profusely thank your human. (Remember, Bob always talks about expressing gratitude). You do that by jumping in his lap when he sits at his desk, knead his thighs with your claws, showing that you are happy, rubbing your cheek against his at the same time and drooling on his shirt. I tell you: humans love it! They won’t show their pleasure though(too busy for that…). They will even try to chase you away at that moment because they are very shy. That is when you choose to disappear for 2 or 3 days. Trust me, your human will be so desperate, so scared to have lost you that, when you’ll reappear, you’ll get another serving of your favorite food.
That will do for today, my friend, as I have to go back to bed and take another nap.
Let’s keep in touch. We’ll talk about how to organize parties when your human leaves for a trip again.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us about your dad. It’s always nice to know what goes on behind the scenes.
Hey, I think I might get to meet you later this week. I look forward to talking to you about getting involved with some of my animal welfare efforts. I’ve been active in the movement to end the destruction of your brothers and sisters – and the canine “suck ups” also – in our nation’s animal shelters.
Liberty is indeed what we need for our furry friends – not death row waiting cells.
Sorry to be a downer to such a happy post. Just trying to shed light on something I think is very important.
http://www.greenpetsamerica.com < my favorite organization that helps homeless pets
http://www.facebook.com/GreenPetsAmerica – tell us what you think!
LOL! Great post Liberty! You have clearly mastered the law of receiving 🙂
Hey Liberty… well I’ve heard of the saying “while the cat’s away, the mice will play” so I suppose it’s appropriate in this case to say that “while the human’s away, the cat will play!” Love your post btw! Are you by any chance related to the Cat in the Hat? Purrrrrrrhaps you wouldn’t mind the tagline of “The Cat in Bob’s Flat!” lol 🙂
You are extremely smart!! Bob talks of you often & I remember he wasn’t quite sure what to do with you at first, but it appears that you both have filled a void in each others lives.
I appreciate befriending the neighbors while Bob is away. He is MIA to you, but he helps multitudes of people in many areas of life.
PS…..I’m obviously not as skilled as you are on the keyboard because I hit seems before I was done & didn’t check for typos!
Stay cool & I just might have to send you some toys to occupy your alone time!! Although….. perfecting your reverse psychology & blogging could be more productive!
Oh Liberty…you are too much! I have to admit I am somewhat surprised as I have heard him speak of you and it’s always been in the kindest of mannor. It really is always a good idea to get both sides of the story…;) Well hope you get to post again and keep us up to date on how his training is going…so far you are doing a Great Job!
You’re a very smart cat… and I can see why Bob wanted you to stay. You’re cool… with a great
sense of humor. If you listen to Bob once in a while, you may be able to pick up a few tips about giving from him. Humans can be handy to have around… Especially when they know exactly where to scratch behind the ears. Perhaps you both can co-author a column sometime… you’d make a good team!
Liberty, you are so clever. I like your perspective, and being a cat lover, I would have to say you are about spot on.
Very witty and clever of you to post on Bob’s blog while he was gone to wherever he was. He sounds like a really decent guy, quite educable and I’ve heard that a lot of people know, like and trust him. I have used some of the techniques you mentioned with my human at work. They seem to be quite effective, as she feeds my feline friend and me twice a day, is good at the behind-the-ears scratching also and mercifully does not try that fist bump with us. You’ve given out some good, new ideas to try out today.
If I could ask you a word of advice, given your profound and wise nature: How do you deal with all of that cutesy talk that humans speak at you? I mean, it’s so embarassing to hear them speak in baby-like language. Do they think we don’t understand them at any other times when they talk to other humans, or themselves? Given how bright your Bob is, I think that he’ll at once have a new respect for your intelligence level, given the syntax and grammar aptitude in your post. I’m not so sure about my human, although there still might be some hope.
I look forward to Bob’s upcoming travels and your future posts, advice and insights. It’s so refreshing to read a post from a four-legged, enlightened point of view.
Yours in world dominance,
Hi everyone. This is Bob. I apologize that Liberty was able to get online here while I was gone and post the above article. She and I had it out last night. Actually, I talked and she listened. Well, she didn’t actually listen but, after looking at me talk for about a second, she just licked her fur, had a few bites of kibble and went to sleep. None the less, I think she got the message that I was none to happy about it. She could not have cared less, but at least she got the message. I will show her your very thoughtful feedback, both from humans and animals alike, and I know she’ll appreciate it greatly. And, once she appreciates it…she’ll lick her fur, eat a few bites of kibble, and go to sleep.
That’ll teach him for not taking you to China!
They say you are who you hang around. I hate to break the news to ya, Liberty … this fabulous post reminds me of your “Daddy,” – it made me smile and even laugh out loud at times! But, don’t worry I would never tell him that. He might start thinking you’re emulating him because you admire and adore him or something!
Aunt Sandy. 🙂
Oh, Liberty – you bold and very smart (we have no doubt!) cat.
Just wanted you to know that while Bob is away from you, he is spending his time making other people’s heart do that thing you do when he scratches you behind the ears (purrrrrrrr).
This is due to the tremendous amount of love and affirmation he bestows on every person he meets.
Specifically, when you posted this, he was in Chicago making my own heart purrrrrrrr – for which I am very, very grateful.
I hope this thought brings you some comfort… while you are home waiting for your next helping of that delicious catnip and fun fist bumps (still not sure if you’re just humoring Bob…or actually enjoy this game…just a little?). Oh yes, and those delicious scratches behind the ears (purrrrrrrr).
Mollie (with a paw bump from Pumpkin)
LOL! Liberty, you are hysterical! You have the best Daddy, but it sounds like you’ve already figured it out (purrrrrr). Thanks for introducing yourself!
We’re getting ready to launch the Spread-the-Words Book Tour, featuring our wonderful first round book, The Go-Giver – a big thank you to you and your publisher!
Since you have such an obviously talented and intelligent cat, perhaps Liberty’s follow-up book can be next on our list…Liberty’s Five Laws of Stratospheric Feline Domination? The Go-Awayer – A Little Story About an All-Powerful Cat’s Idea? I’ll send a catnip-laced request to her agent.
How Fun to see the Playful Side of Mr Bob Burg himself LOL…
Carly Alyssa Thorne…
To You and Yours…
Makes you wonder what our pets do while we’re away. Gotta love cat wisdom, thanks Liberty!