We’ve all heard that “It isn’t what you say, but how you say it.” Well, what you say is also very important. However, how you say it often has an even greater effect. And, I believe that my great friend, Amy Wells of The Bridal Salon of San Antonio proves that with the following story:
“When I was 19 years old, at a managers training meeting, the CEO asked everybody (over 100 people) to close our eyes. He asked who in the room thinks you can say practically anything to anyone, if you say it right. I was the only one to raise my hand. (All the other people were seasoned, older managers.) He asked me to demonstrate how it’s done.
“He told me to pretend I was telling a new mom that her baby looks like a monkey. I went to the front and pretended the CEO was the mom, which brought tears of laughter to the crowd. 🙂 I said, ‘Is this your baby?’ He nodded and people laughed. I bent down as if looking into a stroller and spoke baby talk.
“‘Hi there precious babyyyyyyyyy. Look at you, you are as cute as a monkey. Oh yesssss you areeee.You look just like a baby monkey.’
“Voila, the next year, that CEO made me the training manager for our thousand store chain.” 🙂
If you know Amy, you can picture her doing that and absolutely pulling it off.
What about you? Have you ever done something similar? Or, do you know people who can pretty much get away with saying anything because of the way they say it?
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I couldn’t resist the headline of this article Bob. And, as always, the content didn’t disappoint. It’s true, so much of communication is affected by inflection, context and body language. This is probably why there are times when an email and even a phone call is not a good communication channel. Some messages require face to face interaction.
Thanks for writing this Bob!
That’s a great story, Bob. I admire Amy’s quick thinking.
It’s true that context and tone of voice are SO important. On the negative side of that, my brother bullied me quite ruthlessly when we were kids, and he would say very hurtful things to me. When I complained to our mother, he would say, “All I said was…” And it was true. The words in themselves were innocuous, but the tone was calculated to draw blood! My feeling about it is that it all boils down to intention. Is our intention positive or negative? Are we speaking to give or to take away?
Now, I know this next point isn’t really what you were asking, but I do a painting to welcome each of my husband’s new great-grandchildren. (He’s a generation older than I am.) I always ask the mom what she wants for a painting for the nursery. When our granddaughter in Montreal had twin boys, she said their arms and legs were so long, they reminded her of little monkeys! So I did a painting of orangutan baby twins and one of chimpanzee baby twins. The parents love them and they hang in the boys’ room! 🙂
OMG!! Very funny, HOWEVER, I am most definately not one of those folks that could of gotten away with saying something like that. Funny thing is, Im not a real baby person to begin with, and I dont think I had even seen a new born at this point in my life, so this was particularly funny to me. I went to see a friends new baby once and when she pulled the covers back, my first thought was eeew, what happened to it!! But Im sure my stuttering, o o o h how Cute went unnoticed while she was looking at her baby!!! LOL. But, its true, some people can get away with saying just about anything, but I think that is a gift not all of us have!!
Hi Christine, I thought THAT was very funny. Hey, it’s good for us all to know our strengths and weaknesses. Your response to your friend’s baby reminded me of a famous Seinfeld episode. 🙂
OMG I’m laughing so hard I’M in tears.
Just about every time I’ve had to explain to my three (formerly) teenaged daughters about boyfriends, dress or other teenage landmines it required humor, praise and a smile. The few times I did forget blew up on me quickly. Those lessons are easily learned and taken to the workplace. Nothing is more important than the happiness of my three now 20 something beauty’s. If you can learn the art with the ones you love you can share the love with anyone.
Thanks for the smile Bob.
PS. Dumb question but how do I add my pic to these posts? Can’t seem to find it.
@Geri — you need to create a Gravatar account to have your picture show up on any blog that has Gravatar enabled — http://en.gravatar.com
So funny! I admire people who can admire babies, I must admit. And because I have no gift to be that tactful, I’ll probably stick with swallowing my own feelings and say something like: “Oh, look at that baby. How cute!”.
The way you say things is important, as much as what you say, I agree with that. I’m not sure that I would have taken Amy’s sentence as a compliment though. I would have understood the “monkey” hint.
My point is: Does it really matter to say everything even with tact, a smile and a great attitude? If you can’t change anything about the situation or if the situation does not affect you personally, I would rather stay silent.
If on the other hand, you know FOR SURE that you can help the person by saying something, I’d rather go with the “coaching approach”: asking questions first and lead the person to HER answers. Because, you know, that Mom might have wanted a monkey…
Funny post, indeed, Bob! My hat goes off to Amy! I am more so impressed with her courage and ability to step out and accept a challenge! Great characteristics for a good leader. Of course, she became store manager for the 1,000th store. Unfortunately, I do not have a similar story to share but am motivated by Amy’s actions and fun sense of humor. Keep up the terrific work…both of you!! (Quick note: at the end of the post, “Viola”, should be “Voila” : )
Hi Nadia, thank you. Regarding what you said about not having a gift to be tactful, please know that tact is something that can be learned…if one wants to learn it. As to other points you brought up, I think there is a time and place for most things, and they can be situational in nature. And, sure…silence is always an option, and often the best option there is. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us!
Hi Chi Chi, that was indeed very courageous of Amy to step up and volunteer. Especially being one of the younger people there. And, yes, she is definitely a leader. On another note, thank you for the spelling correction. That was my mistake and I’ll correct it now. 🙂
Hi Russ, thank you for your kind words about the article. yes, I agree; so much is in how we say it, and media such as email make it all the more difficult at times because – other than some emoticons – there is very little inflection. So, the words must be said even more tactfully and in such a way that we do our best to hopefully understand how they may be interpreted. Even the telephone presents the challenge of the person not being able to see you. My suggestion is that – the more important the conversation – the more you want to try and be face to face; if not that, then telephone definitely over email. Thank you for sharing, my friend!
Hi Heather, you are absolutely correct; it is in the intent, and any principle or universal law can be used both for positive and negative purposes. I’m sorry you had to experience that when you were younger. That is a great story about the pictures. 🙂
This is a great story! It reminds me of a trick that an oenophile friend taught me. If you’re tasting wine with people who know a LOT more about wine than you do and you have no idea what to say about the vintage, take a sip, look thoughtful and say “IN-ter-esting…”
Love this! I can so see Amy Wells pulling this off! Bravo! Great story.
Too funny, Beth!
Hi Dondi. Yes, I think those of us who know Amy found even more joy in the story because we can so easily see it happening. LOL
Hi Geri, wow, that’s powerful. They were the best “practice” you could have, though the results were the most important of all! Regarding your P.S., not dumb at all. There is a way to arrange your avatar so that it will appear whenever you post anywhere. I don’t know how to do it, but feel free to email Kathy Zader (kathy@burg.com) and she’ll send you back the instructions how.
Bob, thank you for using my monkey story and for the very kind things you write about me.
Nadia, I agree with you and Bob! I choose silence when I’m in a situation where my words could destroy rather than build.
Christine, LOL at your story.
Heather, I can relate to the bullying and I am sorry you went through that. I was bullied, by a man who named himself always right. (I was gullible) It was one of the hardest things I ever had to overcome in my life. I’ve since learned things about projection and that his treatment towards me had nothing to do with me at all. I have also learned how to walk people out of the effects of spirit crushing bullying, so I am thankful to him today. 🙂
My family and I even realized that when we giggled at each other for a slip, or a goof, we were enforcing the action. It took one of us apologizing for our actions, for the rest of us to see that we too were doing it.
HAHAHAHA!!! I can really see Amy doing this and everyone absolutely loving her for it….Amy I think you need to tell Bob your Target story with the woman needing the shoes…that one killed me.
I think it worked so well for Amy because she was being her true self. A loving person, who no matter what she says, you know is from the heart and genuine. There are some that can intend to compliment you but somehow you feel like you have just been backhanded. I truly feel people intuitively know if you are truly good at heart.
🙂 don’t wear red shirt to Target. Lol
Amy, my pleasure. Thank YOU! And, thank you for your wisdom-filled comments and responses.
Christie, I’ve never heard the Target story. I agree with you about Amy. She has that essence about her that communicates kindness. Of course…you have that, as well!
Awww….thank you Bob 🙂
Christie, and Bob Thank you. And Christie, I agree with Bob, you communicate kindness too. AS DOES MY BOB.
Here is a little of the Target story:
I was in Target and a little sweet lady asked me to help her with some shoes, so I did. Before long, I was pulling different sizes and styles for her. When I couldn’t find her size in a certain style, she asked if I could call the back room to see if they had it. I said, “I suppose I can.” I proceeded to call the Target I was standing in and asked for the shoe department and then for the sku, color and size I needed. While I was on hold a young man came to where we were to look for that shoe. He radioed back that he didn’t have what we were looking for. LOL I told her I was sorry they didn’t have her size. (I suppose I should have called other Targets for her too….my bad.) After a long time of serving her, I asked, “Do you mind if I get an employee to continue helping you?” She grabbed her mouth in shock and we both laughed so hard. She said it was my red shirt, which made her think I worked there. I think I just look helpful, because things like this happen to me often. I hugged her before I turned her over to an employee. I think we both had a great time!
I meant MR BOB, but MY BOB is sweet too…I’ll share you.
LOL My mom just asked if I can type over that “MY BOB” Oh Amy!!!!! ROFL
Amy, first, I like how you said “MY BOB” much “more better-er” than Mr. Bob. Can we keep that? If not, I can go in and fix it LOL.
Second, that is a GREAT story. Again, can picture you doing that. Doesn’t surprise me at all.
Third, I hope that one is going in your book!
Fourth, hi Amy’s Mommy!
Amy, you ARE great! I’m glad I got to meet you here. People like you are a true blessing and you are blessed to have a Mom who keeps an eye on your (cute) typos. Have a wonderful day!
MY BOB it is!!! LOL
Thank you, but I’m not sure which one of my book that story will fit in. 🙂
From mom, “Hi My Bob! 🙂 I’m so grateful for your prayers for my son.”
Nadi, Wow, thank you for the kind words. (I like kindness) I look forward to getting to know. 🙂 And yes, I am very aware of how blessed I am to have my mom.
Have a fabulous day!
Lol I’m not ready my new typos to my mom. Shhhh NadiA
Golly! ready = reading. I’m thinking silence is golden right now.:-) I would not hear the end of this….don’t tell my mommy.
Thanks for the share Bob. You are so correct, it’s the intention of the person speaking.
Intentions are very powerful. One can always tell a good intention.
Great story to make a point.
Lynn
Lynn, thank you for sharing with us!
Wow it’s been a year!
Wow is right! Doesn’t seem it, does it?
What a great story. Yes, I can see Amy pulling it off.
So, the lesson from this tale is if you need to have these kinds of conversations with people, find someone like Amy for your team. LOL.