I was at a new diagnostic center for some blood work and witnessed an interesting exchange. Unfortunately, an exchange all too common. On the other hand, these things can be easily handled — and even turned into a huge positive — if company leadership is aware of it. And, not just aware but willing to make a priority of equipping their patient-contact employees with the correct skills and attitudes.
Sitting near the nurse’s window, I saw an elderly, and somewhat perturbed-looking woman approach. The nurse asked how she could help. The woman, attempting to be cordial but assertive, said she was there “to take another test as your company lost the first one. I can’t believe I had to drive all the way back again because of a mistake like that.”
The nurse politely, but without any semblance of feeling or empathy, said, “Please fill out this form.”
The woman, unacknowledged and dissatisfied, continued, with what was obviously defensive laughter, “I tell you, if it happens again, I’m through with this place. Imagine that happening — losing someone’s information like that.”
The nurse, politely, but without any semblance of feeling or empathy, said, “Have a seat. Someone will be with you soon.”
The woman sat down, obviously frustrated, more angry than before, and looking about ready to explode.
Why had her anger grown? Was she still mad about the lost test results? Probably, but that wasn’t the reason for her present frustration. Perhaps because she had to take time out of her day to come back in? Oh, sure, that didn’t help, but I don’t believe that was it, either.
I truly believe the frustration, anger and yes, escalating rage she was now fighting to control was the very same thing that gave me wonder as to why “people skills” are not consistently taught to customer, guest and patient contact personnel.
Allow me to explain. In fact, please pardon me for a moment while I imitate the late comedian, Sam Kinison in order to make the point. Here it is…SHE WANTED TO BE ACKNOWLEDGED!!!!! She was saying, “ACKNOWLEDGE ME!!…UNDERSTAND MY FEELINGS!!…THAT’S ALL I WANT FROM YOU!!!!!”
She wanted the nurse not just to know what had happened, but to also “understand” how she “felt” about the situation. She wanted the nurse to say, “Oh dear, I’m so sorry that happened. You must be terribly upset. Well, I’ll tell you what — I will personally make sure everyone here on staff is aware of it and it won’t happen again. I’m so sorry.”
I can practically guarantee you that, had the nurse said that (regardless of what had actually happened), the woman would’ve become a big fan and huge promoter of the company.
Instead, only a polite, by-the-numbers, impersonal response, ignoring the woman’s feelings; ignoring her…humanity.
One might say, “But Bob, the patient didn’t exactly use Winning Without Intimidation methods in her dealing with the nurse.” I agree. And, the fact is, most people don’t know about these principles. I witness that practically everywhere I go. I believe, however, that in the above situation, the onus is on the business personnel to understand this and take the lead.
Sure, they have to deal with patients all day long — of course, that “is” their job — many of whom can surely be above and beyond difficult. And, while no one should ever be expected to take abuse from those they are in business to serve, incidents such as these can be so easily handled it seems like a waste of kindness (not to mention “really effective marketing”) not to do so correctly.
So, let’s ask ourselves; when someone voices a complaint regarding something we or anyone within our company has allegedly done…or not done, do we — regardless of the facts — at least let them know we understand they are upset? Do we communicate that a remedial action will be taken? And, do we — to the degree we have the power to do so…do so?
How do you rate yourself in that regard? Any thoughts you’d like to share?
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Bob,
This is a great post from you and very insightful. As stated above, this happens all too often and a simple act of empathy does wonders for your business reputation. We all want to be acknowledged and those who understand this almost always stand out from the crowd!
Midge, thank you. So true, that one “simple act of empathy” is so often the big difference. And yes, those who acknowledge others absolutely do stand out from the many. Thank you for sharing with us.
You are right on with this post, Bob! People are so hungry for acknowledgment and if you are the one who gives it to them, they will remember how you made them feel forever. And, like you said, tell other people about the experience.
I recall reading years ago about how to handle angry customers and the advice was to acknowledge and empathize – “oh, my, that is horrible…”. It totally diffuses the situation and allows for a much better outcome. I’ve always used that tactic and it’s always turned out well.
Great points, Lori; all of them. Funny is that your products are a GREAT way of acknowledgment! {Note from Bob: Check out http://www.zenrabbitcookies.com/}
Bob,
It’s sad to say that this is becoming the norm! I never understand how a business doesn’t take the time to gauge the front line of their business be it reception, telephones or customer service.
Tony, I agree with you and totally don’t understand it. To paraphrase the great, Jim Rohn, it’s one of those “mysteries of life.”
HEY Bob,
I am so glad you posted this….
I to have had similar experiances, what I have tried to do whaen upset or angry is this …
I tell the contact person “Listen I know this is not something YOU did, BUT it ihad really upset me and maybe you can help me to fix this situation………….”
Then they do usually acknowledge nd try to help me out it works pretty well.
HOpe this helps someone else… asnd again thanks to you Bob for bringing it to others attnetion it is so important …
Theresa 🙂
Thank you, Theresa. Great advice, my friend.
I deliver the morning newspaper. I have to work with different managers at different times. One has a disposition such that I avoid talking to him as much as I can which is exactly what he wants from me. Sunday I had a new route and difficulties due to not knowing either the building or where the papers were and getting up at 3 30 when I had planned to get up at 2 am. A gentleman who used to do that job was handling it Sunday since one of the regular people was killed in a car accident a few weeks ago. Mike is such a nice guy. Pleasant, even when he is rushed he never sounds it. I told him that they should have a course on teamwork for the managers and he should teach it.
Hi Alice, I’m so sorry to hear about the person who was killed in the accident. Yes, big difference between Mike and a lot of people.
Happy New Year to you Bob, and thanks for another great blog post.
I think the point you made about acknowledgement and empathy is so true, and so often overlooked.
I think it’s also a great opportunity to turn a regular customer into a loyal customer.
All companies get it wrong sometimes and knowing that you can trust the company you’re dealing with to look after you (to your complete satisfaction, and without you having to make a fuss or put up a fight) if/when things do go wrong, is hugely reassuring.
As a customer, why would you ever want to look elsewhere when you have a relationship like that?
James
Thank you, James. And, yes, these are excellent opportunities to develop true ambassadors for your company.
Great article! I believe that people truly like to be heard and understood. Your article is perfect! 🙂
Jonathan, thank you. Very appreciated!
Recently we had a situation at our Salon where our bride had to get a 2nd dress that would accommodate her now 8 month pregnant body. Her pre-pregnant trip was a wonderful experience as both of her parents helped her pick her gown. The 2nd time in, her dad was no longer engaged in the process. I asked the bride how he was handling the situation and she said he would not speak of it. I went to the sofa, sat near him to acknowledge the situation as gently as I knew how. I said, “Mr. “Dad”, I can imagine that you may wish your daughter wasn’t pregnant at her wedding, and for that I am sorry. But she is in fact carrying, in her tummy, a precious child and your grandchild, a gift. It’s a beautiful thing, just bad timing.” I continued and offered that he had choices to make. He asked what choice he could possibly have. I told him, he could stay quiet and act like it wasn’t there, thereby rejecting her on her wedding day and perhaps see a few whispers, “Or you can stand next to your daughter and fill that entire church and reception with your accepting attitude, by proudly announcing your daughter, her husband and your soon to arrive grandchild.” I continued that it wouldn’t hurt to be honest about the facts: “bad timing but a child is a beautiful gift.”
He got up from the couch, and walked over to his daughter, who was watching our exchange from the pedestal in a new gown. He wrapped his arms around her and thanked her that he wouldn’t have to wait too long for his grandchild. They laughed and cried in each other’s arms as he reminded her how happy he was when she was born. After we all blew our noses, he excitedly helped her pick her next gown. He even got silly and vetoed a few gowns that didn’t show her belly off. LOL In the end they didn’t choose the gown that hid her belly, but they chose a gown that she loved.
I still hear from that brides mom as she sends many people to our Salon. She said he was proud of his daughter at her wedding.
Acknowledging matters!!!!
Bob,
You post grieves me. I want to apologize for the representation of that nurse. I worked in nursing most of my life. While it was primarily critical care areas, I worked in doctors offices & clinical research as well. If you were my E.R. patient, you a always had a pillow, b/c if housekeeping was not available, I went to the laundry, picked out the best ones, cleaned them myself & brought them to my bed area. You also got a warm blanket if necessary!
If you were my ICU patient, if you were able to talk, I knew your life story, you were always comfortable & you remembered me because I gave you the best bed bath you had ever received. Hey, it’s awkward enough, so why not make it memorable!!
Many times I prayed opposite of what the doctors were telling you. Like the 20 yr. old military guy who had been beaten in the head with a baseball bat for defending a young lady’s honor. He, along with his single mom, was told he would be an invalid, or best retarded,& unable to ever walk again. I refused that diagnosis & prayed continually life & wholeness, complete recovery of his mind & he would walk out of my hospital. He did. I listened daily as the doctors were amazed at his miraculous progress despite what their technology & medical journals predicted. He was beautiful the day he walked back into our unit to tell us his final good-bye. Not to get preachy, but the opportunity to serve people is all around us. I knew his mothers heart. My daughter was 20 at that time!!
You see Bob, there are ways to acknowledge people, not only in words, but gestures they may never know you took the time to do. Critical care, MD office, research, or any situation yields us the opportunity to offer kindness to humanity, practice the “Golden Rule”, & if nothing else…..an ear to merely listen.
I am thankful for the years of serving patients & their families. I was a nurse at age 4 & fulfilled that calling to the best of my ability, which many times stretched beyond what others were willing to do.
Validation of ones existence & acknowledgment takes seconds, but is remembered a lifetime.
I appreciate you!!
g
Amy…the way you handled that was one of the best and most brilliant displays of tact, grace and kindness I’ve ever heard. Please make that entire letter you sent the topic of your first blog post. And, it’s a story for you to share from stage, which I know you’ll be doing one day. WOWEE WOW WOW!
Geneva, what you did doesn’t surprise me, as I know you well enough by now to know your heart. I can only imagine the number of lives you’ve touched with your combination of kindness and wisdom.
Thank you and great idea Bob, about making it a blog post. I just chuckled as a name of my blog flashed before my eyes: “My Responses To Bob’s Blogs” LOL
Geneva,
Nursing at age 4? That’s a huge responsibilty for a kiddo and I bet those involved, were very very proud of you. Sounds like you carried that nurturing instinct into the ER etc. Thank you!
Hi Bob,
First of all, I’ve still got Sam Kinison’s loud voice ringing in my ears – good one!
Thanks so much for this brilliant post. What you describe is something that, ever since I’ve been a kid, I’ve been so sensitive to and so aware of. It is such a basic human need to be acknowledged, to be heard, to be seen, to be validated. I really believe that when we tend to this human need in one another, we can build a bridge like no other.
It’s one of the reasons I feel so blessed and honored to be doing the coaching work I do. I can feel and sense this deep need that each person has – to just ‘share their story’ and feel validated and affirmed for who they are. And it can be as simple as you describe in the example of the elderly woman and the nurse.
Thank you for playing your part in raising the consciousness of the world. I admire you!
Have a great day,
Michelle
Michelle, thank you. Coming from you – a woman I consider to be a total purveyor of joy for so many people, that’s a terrific compliment. Thank you, my friend.