In the previous post we saw that not everyone who we believe will benefit from our products or services will choose to buy. And, while we cannot be emotionally attached to the outcome and still be effective, we can still do our best to help them. The key is to both understand and respect the fact that the final decision is theirs.
With that in mind, I will always remember something shared with me by a very wise man by the name of Bill Gove.
Ahhhh, Bill was one of my early speaking mentors, as he was for just about everyone else in the business around that time. The great man — a national sales champion in his day — passed on years ago. Very few people were as kind, thoughtful and generous as Bill.
I would guess that Bill shared this advice with his numerous other proteges, since so many of us quote it as a matter of course. 🙂
He said, “Bob, you are responsible to your audience, but not for them. You are responsible to them to be prepared, to put forth the very best information you can and share it in such a way that it can be effectively utilized. You are responsible to them for that.
“But” he continued, “you are not responsible for them. You cannot control who chooses to use that information and benefit from it. That is up to them.”
What terrific advice. And, I believe it applies to all of us in sales, regardless of the “audience” whether one-on-one, committee or huge crowd. I believe that whether we’re talking about products, services, or the solutions designed to help them, the attitude Bill suggests is a vital part of a successful selling career. And, for that matter, any type of interpersonal persuasion process. Why? Because…
#1 Attachment Is A Turnoff. If we have too much emotion invested in their taking a certain action, it’ll show through, and that person will probably follow the natural human tendency to resist that which they feel is being pushed upon them.
And…
#2 It Fortifies Us. When we can walk away without emotional attachment to the results, or, what I call “Positive Detachment” (also known as “posture”), it strengthens us when trying to help the next person. And that person might just take our advice.
So, yes, when selling, care. Care about helping them, care about serving them, care about providing them value. You are responsible for that part of process. But, don’t get too caught up in the result. You are not responsible, nor can you ethically control their decisions.
Indeed, you are responsible to them…but not for them.
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Bob-
My thanks.
The attitude of non-attachment to results is one which goes back to the earliest writings of the wise men of history-Being “responsible to them but not for them” is urged upon Arjuna by Krishna in The Bhagavad Gita. One of the very first “self-help” books ever composed (Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras) makes this a central theme.
What you have done in your communications is to state these eternal verities in compellingly simple language that can be easily grasped and thus used.
Thanks for the reminders! It is all too easy to fall into the emotional trap of being disappointed when others don’t act as we would wish (like, “Buy my stuff-It’s good for you.”)
“Positive detachment” is key –
Later-
Wayne
Absolutely right on!! I have been asked to give a workshop for school teachers on how to engage their students and improve their relationship with them. In every school there are those who resort to yelling at the kids because they don’t know any other way to get them to behave. Of course, they discover that strong-arming just doesn’t work, so they yell even louder. Something I didn’t learn, myself, until I left school teaching, was that the teacher is not responsible for the students’ choices. I wonder if the “yellers” are some of the most caring teachers, because they think they are responsible FOR the students, instead of simply TO them. This post is wonderful support for my upcoming presentation. Thanks so much, Bob!
That is exactly what I’m trying to learn the most right now.
I believe everything you say 100%.
So I have been reading and studying a lot of material on selling, and on attraction.
Sometimes it seems to be a fine line between the two.
In one case, when selling you have to overcome objections, yet at another level… How many objections do we overcome without sounding like we have an answer for everything?
Answering questions is one thing, but convincing someone about what we have is another.
I truly believe in what I have to offer. I feel my best bet is to lay it out in front of people, and let them make the decision themselves, without me doing any twisting of their arms.
I definitely like the idea of not seeming needy.
Goes back to the genuine concern for giving them true value, that you know you have for them.
That is the big issue I guess… We have to read people enough to see if they are legitimately asking questions to learn more, or if they are just ‘arguing’ with us.
Thanks for making me think. 🙂
Pure wisdom here. Such a marvelous way to say it, “I am responsible to, not for…” How liberating that is!
And the funny thing is, when you have this posture, you are actually much more attractive and successful. And help more people!
-RG
Dondi, Exactly. Once Bill told me that, it liberated me from “having to be it.” Mentorship worth its weight in gold.
Randy, that is so true, isn’t it? By freeing ourselves up from having to be in control of the results, we are in a much better position to be a part of many more positive results. Love how those things work! 🙂
Wayne, thank you for sharing your wisdom with us. Success principles; they are timeless, aren’t they?
This is something more need to understand. Some quit MLM, speaking, sales, etc because those they are working with do not do what they teach, great advice Bob!
Thank you, Ray. Pretty much the same in any field, isn’t it?
Another thought-provoking post! Thanks, Bob.
My old tendency would have been to ignore these parts of ‘responsible to’ thinking that they meant ‘responsible for’. But today I consider them to be clearly in the ‘responsible to’ category:
– Researching the audience and understanding their real problems and issues so thoroughly that you can explain them better than they can.
– Delivering the information in ways that speak to their listening instead of the ‘way I like to say it’.
– Doing everything possible to meet them where they are with what’s most important to them.
Great thoughts, Jim. Thank you for sharing!
Wow – what a terrific lesson, Heather. Right on! Thank you!
Thank you, Jeff. I appreciate your comments. Remember that often, objections are simply a call for clarification and, as a professional, it’s your job to be able to help with that. Other times, objections are that person’s way of communicating that they do not perceive the value as being equal to or greater than the price you’re asking. As a professional, it’s your job to be able to handle that, as well. While the best way to answer that is to know the usual objections/concerns and handle them within the presentation, there will be those unexpected questions that come up. The key is that your focus is on adding value to them in the most appropriate way. And, that ultimately, the final decision is theirs to make based on what they believe to be in their own best interest; which is the way it should be when a buyer makes their decision. When you are not “attached” to the outcome, you create much more of an environment for you to be able to effectively do your job as a value-based salesperson.
Bob
What an eye opening message to me, i am only responsible for my actions. When people i deeply care about do not act in the way i desire …well it is there choice. I am remembering this so i can move on with no baggage…travel through life with no load.
Thanks,
Thank you for commenting, Jacob. Yes, which – of course – doesn’t mean we don’t care and don’t make the effort. We certainly do. It’s just that – as you said – when it comes down to it, it is their choice. And, so often, that’s when we end up having more influence than we originally had.
Wow!! I found your blog and this just hits home. It has rejuvenated me in a way to propel my network marketing business forward. To know that yes… I am responsible to you but not for you…is liberating. Thanks for sharing.
Bob thanks so much for this article my friend. This article reminded me of one of the age-old sayings: “some will, some won’t, so what.” You can’t control what other people are going to decide to do, but you owe it to them as a responsibility to at least get the best information in front of them so they can make up their mind. That’s the beauty of sales, you work on the front end for free without any guarantee of success. It’s the fairest, most generous form of compensation in the world: performance based. I love sales.
Jason: Thank you for your kind words about the post. I’m so glad to know you resonated with it and found it to be on-target! And, I agree with you – it’s performance-based. You receive compensation when you bring value to others. I love sales, too! 🙂