Have you ever been in a discussion with someone in which they constantly interrupted you? Frustrating, isn’t it? You wish to make a point, but they are so passionate about their view, they interrupt you the very moment they hear a word or phrase with which they disagree.
This, of course, is contrary to one of the major principles of positive persuasion which says to always let the other person finish speaking before you present your view. Then again, since most people don’t study this topic, it’s you and I who need to deal with this challenge.
If you’re not careful, and get sucked into their interruption pattern, the polite disagreement will escalate into a shouting match. The result? Neither side will have heard or been heard, and bad feelings between you will ensue. It will also make it that much harder for you to be persuasive with that person the next time.
So, how do you handle this touchy, aggravating and potentially explosive situation?
One effective maneuver works well after the person has interrupted several times. And especially when he’s interrupted after asking you a challenging question.
First, wait until he finishes his thought and then calmly (and genuinely politely) say, “Dave, it doesn’t do either of us any good if you interrupt me while I’m trying to answer the question that you asked me.” (Did I mention the words “genuinely politely” :-)? Even the emphasis on the word, “you” should be very gentle.)
In other words, you didn’t try to continue your initial response and attempt to answer the objection expressed in the interruption. Instead, you wisely established the new precedent, suggesting, without actually saying, “If you’re interested in continuing this discussion, which would mean hearing what I have to say as I’m hearing what you have to say, the only way it can happen is to listen without interrupting.”
In the next post, we’ll look at a couple more very effective ideas.
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Hi Bob,
This is great, I always wondered how I could “genuinely politely” explain the importance of allowing me to finish my response.
Thanks for the tip!
Make it a great day,
Dana
Nicely stated! Thank you.
Thank YOU, Leticia!
Bob,
One of your all-time great subjects. As someone who struggled with “really” listening when I was a young adult, I have had to work at listening, and have found that patience is the key, but patience can really be tested by a rude person. No where in the world is the phrase “nice guys finish last” more applicable, without a strategy like you submit.
This scenario truly becomes about conflict resolution, even though there is only one who realizes it. By taking the necessary step of clarification – asking if the person really wants to know your viewpoint, helps to change the playing field, but the added step is to then wit (as long as it takes-I actually like to count in times like this) for the other persons answer.
Thanks for the great topic and encouragement!
Wait – not “wit”. “Fat thumbs and iPhones don’t mix well!
Awesome post Bob! Most people like to interrupt. We must differentiate from the crowd…as much as possible.
Thanks,
Nam Do
Twitter.com/Only398 (@Only398
Thank you, Steve. I know what you mean. Interrupting was a horrible habit I used to have and it took a lot of work and concentration to overcome that.
Nam, thank you. Yes, and being a good listener and non-interrupter most definitely sets a person a part. Thank you for sharing.
Dana, thank you!! 🙂
Bob,
Is there a spy cam in my office? OMG…I have a co-worker that obnoxiously interrupts. For awhile, I tolerated it. Then….I just couldn’t. We complained how crazy it made us, but….complaining never made her aware of her habit. I think it made me even more frustrated when she constantly did this to my boss & I view it as a sign of total disrespect. Then…..when things aren’t done correctly, we can directly relate it to the fact that she NEVER listened! I have read toooooo many books that elude to the fact that when this is done, you send the signal that the person you are talking to is not worth your time, or you do not value them or what they have to say at all.
Not sure how “gently” I handled it, but…I am being consistent. What this did for me was make me realize I need to wait til someone has completed their sentence before jumping in with my thoughts. Her annoying habits created an awareness in me! Now I am even watching how quickly I say, “right, right,right” when I agree with someone.
This personal development stuff is challenging! It isn’t always easy, but it is so worth it when I get over myself & can add value to someones life!
You rock!
g
This may not be the best approach at all, but what I do when someone is interrupting me:
a) Keep talking as though the interrupter isn’t. Increase volume slightly if necessary while keeping annoyance tone out of your voice. Look at them strange while you continue talking. (This works 90% of the time and often gets an apology on the spot or at the very least makes them blush as they realize what they’ve done.)
b) If they managed to butt in successfully I’ll state that I will get to that point before/as soon as I’m finished and continue on as if they hadn’t interrupted me.
Thanks Bob. I applied this last evening in a phone call. I gently (and with no emotion) said, “You have asked a question. Would you like me to answer it?” “If you keep talking neither one of us will get to hear my answer.”
His response?
Oh, I’m sorry. I’ll be quiet while you answer.
Bingo. Worked like a charm – and did not offend the person.
Thanks for tackling this subject Bob. My wife’s best friend always interrupts AFTER she has asked me a question. She is a very nice lady BUT it really is sooo frustrating!
I love the suggestion to “genuinely and politely” request they stop interrupting. I have usually just gotten so frustrated that I walk away. She is usually so busy yakking that she doesn’t even notice that we didn’t complete out exchange of thoughts!
Good stuff! Happy 2011.
Great article! short and very helpful.