Last post we looked at one way to respond to an interrupter that will help train them to discontinue that action. This, without our coming on too strong and making them feel defensive; thus losing any chance to communicate effectively and — if the situation calls for it — to eventually persuade them to our point of view.
A second method is to simply stop talking and allow the person to finish their thought. Then, without any sign of emotion or frustration (that is key), continue with your original thought. Do this enough and there’s a good chance the other person will get the point…that although you are polite, you refuse to be “thrown off track.” And, even if their interrupting isn’t for any negatively-intended purpose – they are simply interrupting because it’s their habit to do so – they’ll most likely catch on to the inappropriateness of their action.
Still another way to respond to interruptions; in this case, the ones involving rapid-fire questions during a disagreement, is with the following words (again, said gently and unemotionally, simply communicating a desire for clarification): “Would you like me to finish my first thought or answer the question you just asked?” Then, without hesitating and with a genuinely humble, self-effacing smile add, “Actually, I’m not smart enough to keep all this information in my head. I can only answer one question at a time.”
Understand, you’ll also get the person who really doesn’t want to hear your viewpoint. Their mind is made up and they wish not to be confused by any facts you may care to share. They’ll often seem like a prosecuting attorney going in “for the kill,” just waiting for you to slip up.
In this case, you might decide to slow down even more, remain very calm and perhaps, even ask (with genuine respect and an “I message“), “Dave, are you genuinely interested in my thoughts on this? I feel sort of like your mind might already be made up about this issue. I’d love to answer you and have the opportunity to learn from you as well, but I also need to feel as though I can express my point.”
The key, as always, is to respond and not react. Think first. Ask yourself, what is it that I want to derive from the conversation? And, what does the other person want, as well? Then making the right “moves” becomes easy.
How are you doing when it comes to this area? Any suggestions I didn’t think of that you’d like to share?
We’ll conclude our mini-series in the next post by looking at when we ourselves are the interrupter and how we can break that very destructive habit.
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The slightly sarcastic side of me 😉 loves the response “Actually, I’m not smart enough to keep all this information in my head. I can only answer one question at a time.” I’m stealing that one…thanks Bob!
The other day I was dealing with a man who had it so wrong, but I know he was deaf to my point of view. I let him finish and gentley asked if he was done. Then said, “Do you know how when people disagree, they keep trying to explain it in terms that you will “get”, in hopes that you will change to their point of view?” He answered, “Yes” Then I said, “Well I’m not going to do that, because it’s apparent by the passion (verbal rage) with which you just delivered this message, you have made up your mind about what you think was my motive.” I continued, “I want to thank you for trusting our relationship enough to share your deep thoughts. And I want to ask you not to wait so long next time, before letting me know if you feel betrayed. We could have never cleared this up any other way, had you not trusted our relationship. And I want to thank you for this, because you mean s great deal to me.” He responded in kind and thanked me for our relationship. He then asked me my intention in the particular situation and saw it very clearly then apologised.
So that’s one way that worked for me recently.
Hi David. Too funny. Actually, that’s the reason I utilized the suggestion regarding *how* to say it. When done correctly, it won’t come across as sarcastic, which is very important if (and, only if) you want the person to stay open to your ideas. 🙂
Amy, all I can say is…I LOVE it!! You Rock!!
Thank you Bob. 🙂 Everyday is a new day and a new lesson. I love watching and learning how we all think so differently. I like the way you think, your perdy smart if you like me. Lol I crack myself up. Have a fabulous day.
I, unfortunately, am a terrible interrupter. So I’m paying attention Bob.
My husband is hard of hearing. He can’t hear another person because the interrupter always cuts in with her opinion, information, whatever. How do we get to finish listening to the original talker?
Wendy: I’m sorry to hear of the difficulty of hearing that your husband has. I can only imagine how uncomfortable that must be in a conversation. In this case, in terms of communicating effectively with an interrupter you can actually use that to everyone’s advantage. Simply let the interrupter know by tactfully saying, “I’m so sorry; because I’m hard of hearing I need to be able to really focus on what ‘Joe’ is saying.” The interrupter will then get the point that it is their interrupting that is the challenge.
David: Just saw that I never responded to your comment from a few years ago. My apologies. Difficult to believe you are an interrupter. You’re one of the politest and most successful people I know. Imagine when you overcome the interruption habit! 🙂