Ego is one’s sense of self and must be honored throughout the persuasion process. It will come into play. As one who has studied the persuasion process and seen it done best both by the learned and the intuitive, I genuinely believe that about 95 percent of the time, the difference between moving a person to your side of an issue – or not – comes down to how you make them (or, help them) feel about themselves.
In her excellent new book, How to Instantly Connect with Anyone, author Leil Lowndes introduces us to the concept of “Emotional Prediction” (EP). She defines this as:
“Predicting ahead of time what someone’s immediate or distant
emotional reaction will be in reaction to something said or done.”
Right on, Leil! She explains that “you can then orchestrate your own behavior accordingly, usually to reinforce the confidence and self-respect of those you are dealing with.”
As you can imagine, the result is that, not only do they feel good about themselves, but about you. And, to the degree they feel good about you, that is the degree to which they will be open to change.
We’ll discuss this more (actually, it’s such an important concept of human interaction and effectiveness that we’ll discuss this plenty) in future articles.
First, though, what are your thoughts and feelings about this concept and how do you apply it your life?
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Such a simple concept, but one that I personally have never considered until today. In fact, I wished I had seen this before a meeting I attended this last Monday. I would have handled a situation differently. I’m writing a small affirmation about using the EP concept in my daily affirmation journal every morning, starting today.
Thank You,
Debbie Barth
Love these articles on persuasion. So often when people share their goals and action plans with me, I find at the core of the goal is the need to increase influence-ability – to persuade and create emotional buy-in. At the core of that need is often a missing skill! To accomplish our goals we must persuade, but we may not know how to do that! These articles hit the target beautifully. Thank you.
Predicting another’s emotional response ahead of time is brilliant. It “forces” us to be other-centered in our approach.
Can’t help but notice how you so graciously honor the work of others in your articles. I learn a lot from what you write Mr. Burg. I learn even more from who you are.
Dondi
Many years ago I was in vacation resort sales in Orlando. I found that it helped to recognize and cater to the dominant personality trait such as the ego that you have described. Expressive types responded to the exclusivity benefits of ownership, there were analytical types that were more numbers driven (tax credits, savings etc.) Driver types were more dominant in personality and Amiable types seemed to respond to the home away from home and security features. I loved the training and application of this knowledge to help make me a more effective sales representative. Learning about body language, establishing rapport, breaking the pact, , product knowledge, overcoming objections etc. There is so much psycology that goes into the sale and it truly is an art when conducted properly. I have sold other products & services along the way and although it’s been awhile, once it’s in your blood, you have tools that can serve you for a lifetime! 🙂
Great article Bob. I have to admit this is the first time I have been to your stie, but I will be coming back. This idea of predicting another person’s emotional reaction before doing or saying something is so critical professionally and personally.
Hey Bob
I’ve hated when people have done this – and predicted I might be upset about something so they’ve presented it to me in a way that doesn’t evoke well being.
I think the trick – like you said – it empowering people into a confidence, and self-respect… otherwise your “listening” of them can create a negative spiral rather than a positive outcome.
I’ll give you the example – a friend new I really wanted to see her. But earlier on in the day someone invited her to something “better.” I’d just had my first baby, and really wanted her to meet my girl. She waited ALL day to call, and phoned AFTER she was meant to be there – cos she knew I’d be disapointed, and then was all meek and itchy dancing around.
Carol McCall (who teaches on listening) says that when you speak to them listen to someone in your head as a powerful, responsible leader, and you evoke a response that tends towards that energy rather than fear and smallness!
THanks dear Bob!
This topic reminds me of point you bring up in your latest book, “The Go-Giver.” Being able to make others feel good about themselves – either by words of affirmation, compliments, or highlighting a positive about their character – is such a VALUABLE TRAIT.
I think by providing authentic value – such as making others feel good and comfortable in their own skin – you can stand out and above a competitor who merely positions themselves on their product features (ie. cheaper costs, more features..etc).
Kayvan Mott
Thank you, everyone, for sharing with us. Lots of great points. And I appreciate your kind words, as well.