Actually, “paranoia” might be too strong a word (“might be”) 🙂 but there is definitely concern when it comes to the DMs – or, Direct Messages – aspect of this medium.
Yet, the concern is not for what would seem the obvious reasons; spam and the many automated DM welcomes from those I have newly-followed. Both of the afore-mentioned deserve a huge “yuck”…spam, for being what it is, and automated direct message welcomes for being what they are not; i.e., any value to the recipient. In fact, in my opinion, they are of negative value.
My opinion is that, at best these welcomes/thanks hold no value at all. I mean, c’mon; an “automated” thank you for the follow? No value, folks. At worst, they are a huge pain because they overstuff the other’s DM stream, causing them to miss the legitimate direct messages they’ve received from a real, live person who wants to communicate with them one-on-one instead of publicly (via the “@”).
Plus, they more often transcend a generic, no-value thank you and, much worse, are simply “I-focused” solicitations, asking someone who doesn’t even yet know you (never-mind “know, like and trust” you) to take action perceived as benefitting you, the messenger. I’d personally like to see some extreme “social pressure” exerted by the “Twitterverse” to discourage people from doing this.
Again, however, while all this makes my usually very enjoyable Twitter experience just a bit less-so, it’s not the cause of my concern.
The concern is that I am apparently hurting some people’s feelings through DMing them.
“But, Burg” you exclaim with surprise (you do exclaim, and with surprise, don’t you?”) 🙂 … you wouldn’t say anything hurtful to anyone, would you?
No. Not purposely, anyway. However, over the past couple of months I’ve received DMs from two Twitter friends – friends for whom I care very much – that basically said the following (in fact, this is pretty much word-for-word, from both!):
“Bob, when I retweet you, you only thank me through DMs while you thank everyone else (my emphasis) publicly. I feel like a girlfriend you’re ashamed of; afraid to be seen in public with.”
Ouch. Now, while these both were women, I have a feeling it’s not a male/female or female/male thing. The more I think of it, it’s simply a “human” thing; feeling as though one is not valued, and based on limited knowledge of another. And that if those two expressed it, others feel that way, as well.
There a several challenges here:
#1 They are both incorrect. I value both of them very highly.
#2 Very rarely (very rarely) do I individually thank someone publicly (via the “@”) for a retweet. The reason is that – even with just 11000 followers* – I’m fortunate to be retweeted a lot and I simply don’t want to fill up the “public” streams of those following me with a bunch of thanks. By the way, since they can only go by what they see, to them, the relatively few times I retweet publicly qualify as “everybody else.” Remember, as human beings we make definite decisions based on limited information.
#3 It’s my opinion – though perhaps not shared by others – that an individual DM is a much more personal way of expressing my gratitude.**
“Holy misinterpretation, Batman!”
So, now I’m not sure what to do. The purpose of this post is actually not to explain myself as much as getting some conversation going about this topic and learning what opinions you have about this.
I’ve noticed others of late; those who are known experts on Twitter (I’m pretty much a newbie here – I’ve only been tweeting steadily since early May) who are sharing with us their own concerns about this terrific medium, many different aspects of it; how they see it working best for everyone – including themselves – and expressing their opinions.
And, I’m enjoying learning from them. Immensely so! While I did provide several opinions above, I’m obviously not as qualified to speak on this topic with authority; I’ve still got much more to learn. However, I’d love to hear your opinions.
Today, let’s focus on the DM issue. What are your thoughts, opinions and suggestions based on the situation with my two friends mentioned above? Bueller? Anyone? Bueller?
—
*I use the words, “follow” and “follower” because that is what Twitter calls it and that is the term used by most of those utilizing Twitter. Personally, I prefer the term “connect”, i.e., “connect with me on Twitter” or “are you connected with me on Twitter?” However, “when it Rome…”
**I do realize that one reason people like to be thanked publicly (“@”) is because it alerts others that they retweet and can gain more “followers.” I have to weigh that against taking up space in others tweetstreams. And, I also realize that was not the cause of the two people I mentioned feeling insulted.
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I’m with you on both counts Bob. I go a step further and most often when I get an automated ‘thank you for following’ I promptly go back and unfollow again! For me Twitter is a relationship resource not a numbers game – the value is in quality of connections not quantity of followers. Interesting point regarding the DM vs. @ replies issue. A DM is like a hand-written hand-delivered thank-you card.
Twitter still reminds me of CalvinBall – there’s a few guidelines, but we’re making the rules up as we go, changing them mid-game, and doing what works for us or that we enjoy. Others can join in, or make up their own methods. Best practices are still avoiding irritating behavior, such as connecting to bogus Twitter tools that spam others via DM, or trying to market ourselves via DMs. Some self-promotion is acceptable, even expected. But solely self-promoting by offering me a free ebook as soon as we connect is not likely to get results. Build that “know, like, trust” relationship even in Twitter.
I think once you get a large follower base, it really becomes impossible to thank everyone for the re-tweets. I still try to thank all those that are getting the word out to blog posts and newsletters of mine, not just RT’ing quotations and stuff. Since Twitter changed their policy so your @messages only go to those following them, I put them in the public stream.
-RG
I try to group several RT people in one thank you so it reduces the number of messages. Doing it publicly however, is an added relationship touch because it helps them be seen more. It’s like paying it forward. It helps their name get out there and helps them to become know as a great go to person in their field–or at least a great tweeter:-). I say spread the wealth!
Thanks for the post! Lisa
Bob, you have such a kind heart that wants to honor each person. I agree with Randy that it becomes impossible to thank everyone but it always kills me too, when I think I left someone out. I for one can testify that a DM from a real friend is like a love note among a stack of junk mail on my kitchen counter! I’ll never complain about that!
-Gina
What a breath of fresh air this post is! Thank you for putting this topic on the table.
As with any tool or dicispline, we must establish our “operating procedures.” If we don’t, we end up serving the tool, when it should be serving us. I made the decision from the beginning that I will not use Auto DM. Ever. I don’t send AUTO DM’s (and quite frankly I don’t like receiving them).
My personal “zero tolerance” policy on DM is pretty straightforward. If a new connection SPAMS me in the AUTO “welcome,” I unfollow. I’m not interested in that. That’s not a relationship. It’s a drive by sales pitch.
For the record, I love receiving responses in the DM column. It does feel more personal. Reminds me of a quiet conversation at a huge party. Maybe a bit like eye contact on twitter?
I have a lot to learn about twitter. (By no means am I the twitter expert.) I have learned a lot by watching true connectors on twitter. They understand the tool. They know how to engage and “connect.” You are certainly one of those people, and I thank you for that.
Dondi Scumaci
Bob,
I would certainly agree with the no value on the DM after following. There is something inside of me that just doesn’t like that impersonal, come visit my site, message when I am just wanting to get to know someone. It probably is the same reason I don’t follow people who are just putting up endless Tweets with links to something they are selling.
In RE:thanks for RTs, I appreciate the DM thanks. It is a very personal touch in a large world of interchanges. If I want some public recognition, I would hope it is because I put something of value out there that someone finds worth RT or mentioning.
Thanks for the thoughts!
Greg
Bob,
If I may I would like to suggest that there are at least two, and possibly three, separate issues here.
One is the use of a DM to promote or push your own agenda. The auto DMs I view as the equivalent of meeting someone at a networking event and they immediately shove their card, flyer, brochure etc… into my hands. Some of these folks are well aware that they alienate a lot of people but they figure the few that buy are worth it and some people just don’t know any better. I don’t have time on twitter to figure out which is which and reeducate so I do unfollow.
(That could be divided into the auto-follow messages, the auto-DM messages to push a message and the spam messages from “hijacked” accounts.)
A possible second issue or sub group of the first issues is that occasionally I have someone with whom I have yet to interact send me a welcome DM that references a recent tweet or my bio – those are clearly not auto-DMs and, while I personally would prefer to keep that out of my DMs, they are appreciated and I do respond.
The other issue is that of public recognition vs private appreciation and I think that issue is at the heart of this post.
Bob, you never act like a celebrity but you are and of course you apply Law #3 SO abundantly that you do have significant influence and people will naturally crave public recognition from you. I saw Randy weigh in and I’m sure he has a similar challenge. You have been extremely generous in your public recognition of me (and before you say “you deserve it” let me add that not everyone takes time to recognize even those who are deserving and you are always gracious and generous with your time and spirit.) But I treasure most the private DMs because they are sent only out of your appreciation of me.
That said – there is no doubt that the public recognition from you and other “centers of influence” have added to my “street cred” on twitter and elsewhere. I just don’t think that a public “thx for the RT” adds a lot to a person’s credibility. And a private DM is actually a greater commitment in terms of time since they are sent individually while the @ replies can be sent to multiple people. But, for those who do crave public recognition from public figures a private message may not carry the same weight.
Basically I use DM for two groups – 1.) people whose recognition I might want but whose reputation I would not leverage without their permission – I allow THEM to choose when they want to take our conversation public and 2.) people with whom I actually have a personal relationship and the message is one of personal appreciation or otherwise “just between us”.
Everything else I use @ replies. Further – if I WANT to give recognition via an @ reply I begin the message with something other than the @ sign so that it reaches my entire follower list.
Twitter is a fabulous place to “share the love” along with sharing a lot of other value. HOW you share that value is PART of the value. I TRY to share the value in the way I believe will create the greatest value for others but I am sure I miss the mark as often as anyone.
Thank you for putting this conversation into play and giving us the opportunity to contribute.
I’m totally grateful for and impressed with/by all of your comments (both the for an’ agin’). 🙂 You are all teaching us valuable lessons and providing excellent points of view through your comments. Thank you so much!!
I usually don’t even bother with twitter. I have posted once since May. Those @messages drive me nuts, expecially since they are showing up on my facebook messages. I have a couple friends whose messages are something like ***@*** @*** *** @ **** **** **** hard to figure out what is being said.
Feel better knowing that I sent you a legit thank you Bob. Rock on pal!
Geez, this is a topic I struggle with all the time. First I think a personal thank you in a DM is just outstanding, far more personal than a thank you or a group thank you in the public stream. That said I likely do more thank yous in the public stream than any other person on Twitter, often hundreds a day. I do very few DM thank yous because there are just too many to do. I try to make up for that lack of a personal touch by doing as personal a follow Friday recommendation as 140 characters will allow.
I started that process of thanking everyone that re-tweeted one of my tweets when I had only a few followers and wondered how long I could keep that up. When I got to 5000 followers and lots of my tweets were being RT’d I told myself I would stop doing all the thank yous when I reached 10,000 followers. I figured it just wouldn’t be possible to keep up after that. But now I find myself still doing it at 22,000 followers because so many people ask me to keep it up. Many people seem to like the thank yous but I can tell you that not all do, in fact, the ones that don’t really don’t. I have just been hammered in many DM’s about the public thank yous, called things I would never repeat and un-followed often.
I have conducted very unofficial polls about the topic and the vast majority says to just keep doing what I’m doing. So I continue. But it does indeed chew up a lot of time, I have a travel schedule that begins January 4th and puts me in 16 cities in 10 weeks speaking on 12 different topics so it seems it truly will become impossible to keep it up. The funny thing is, even though I know some people don’t like all the thank yous, I feel like I will be letting a lot of others down when I need to stop.
Well, as I re-read this it seems to add little to the discussion but it feels good to share my thoughts on what I do. I gotta go, I think my Trump check has just arrived. I hope the mailman likes my smile with my new brighter white teeth.
By the way, I should add this: Many people ask my motivation for taking the time to thank each & every person who RT’s one of my tweets. It’s a pretty basic motivation: I appreciate each & every RT. Nothing more to it than that, absolutely no hidden motives.
Wow! I am learning more Here about Twittiquette than I ever have on any teleseminar! Thank you!
I am so new (under 200 followers) and so picky about who I follow that this is speaking to me in a valuable educational way. DMs are at this point still okay with me, especially the real communications like everyone who wanted to tell me that my account was hijacked the other day so I could fix it. In the future though if my list explodes in growth, it would be hard to deal with the avalanche. There are tools though right? Tools to help me keep track of @hkmeglasson tweets and personal DMs. I hope so.
Thanks for putting this conversation out there Bob!
Love and Brilliance,
Heather
Bob, I enjoyed reading this post (love the humor) and the responses. My opinion is a bit different from the others posted here. I personally appreciate the Auto DM when I follow someone (I am set up to auto-follow anyone who follows me). I have them sent to my email so I know when someone follows me. It takes only a fraction of a second to glance at the message, and while I almost never visit their site, it does give me a quick idea of what their interest is. Just today I got one I am interested in, and would not have been alerted to that person without the Auto DM.
As far as thanking each person publicly for RT, if we are giving to give, then thanks of any kind is not necessary nor expected. If someone is giving just to get thanked publicly, maybe they should examine their motivation (and maybe they should read The Go Giver!). Also, where does it stop: Thanks for RT, thanks for the thanks, thanks for the thanks for the thanks… (grin)
Sara
I try to thank most followers with a “Thank you for the follow” DM, which I do manually. With 1,100 followers, it’s not too time-consuming. aI don’t believe in automated messaging on Twitter, even to schedule Tweets for a later time. But I didn’t realize people would think a “Thank you for the follow” was a bot-generated message. Most of the bot-gens I get (or so I thought!) had a promotional twist to them. I guess I’ll have to add some personal note in my Thank You’s, if the person’s profile makes it easy to do so….
Wow Bob… great topic! Seems like you can’t really win sometimes on Twitter. So many of us try real hard to recognize each individual person. I have struggled with these same issues on Twitter. I love the recommendation for everyone to read the “The Go Giver”!! Way to go Bob!
Bob, great post. I have been having a hard time deciding whether or not to go back to using Auto-DMs and you’ve convinced me not to. I’ve been a victim of the “spam welcome messages” as well and find that it’s so annoying that I haven’t taken the time to check my DM’s in a long time. DM’s are supposed to be personal messages and not just a place for spam. However, I found that a lot of the Twitter products out there tell people to spam a message in the inbox of new followers. This really is a big turn off for me as twitter is supposed to be personal, yet people aren’t using it the right way. Eventually I feel that twitter may start to ban individuals who are using the DMs as a way of spamming, however until then I guess we just have to deal with them!
I find that by sending personal @reply’s and getting peoples skype username or facebook page is a better way to communicate than by using DM’s. Have you tried either of these as an alternative?
-Chris Hughes
It’s always a tricky topic! I can relate and agree that the auto generated DMs usually annoy and upset me more than anything! I especially get irritated when someone says in a message:
“I just gave you a flower (dog, penguin, orangutan) you should give me a gift back!”
The freakin’ nerve to me of some total stranger trying to “engage me” by offering to force me to play some idiotic game(s) & give them a stupid gift back in return? Who invented that reedonkulousness! Why not just say HELLO and start a conversation like in the grocery store or at a BBQ , right?
The other Auto Generated MESSAGE which is a turn off for me is something like this:
“You are my new favorite person on Twitter!” I mean, get a grip!@
Bob Burg, you always have a gentle common sense approach to things and I appreciate your perspective!! Respectfully, Jay
This is such a great post, Bob! As a frequent recipient of DMs from you, I can tell you that rather than feeling like an “unloved girlfriend”, I feel appreciated because it takes time for you to send a personal message. I guess I do understand how some people could misinterpret your intentions — its just that knowing how much of a Go-Giver you are, I’d think those thoughts would quickly be dismissed 🙂 Thanks for sharing so candidly!
Well said, Bob. I’ve long felt that automated DMs that thank me for following the person are terribly annoying.
Perhaps Twitter will eventually install a spam filter that has the ability to block automated DMs?
Wanted to check back in again and tell you just how overwhelmed I am (in a good way) 🙂 with all of your comments. Haven’t responded to individual points because it was my intent to just sit back on this one, take in the various thoughts and suggestions you were kind enough to share, and simply learn from them. And, that I have. Thank you. And, of course, to those of you who threw in a kind personal comment about me and/or our friendship, please know how much I appreciate that (and, yes, I really feel the same way about you). 🙂
Bob,
I find DM greatly annoying. They might say thanks for following, but like you said, they are running numbers in many cases, and you never here from them(DM wise) again. I will say Brian Tracy does something I appreciated. When I followed Brian, his DM had a link to a goal setting PDF report. I REALLY appreciated that gift.
Virtual OOOOs to my good friend. I understand your concern, and I think you can’t make everyone happy. Your logic works for me. You were just trying to be considerate of the majority, and the feelings of a few were hurt. You’re such a nice person and I, for one, know you have a heart of gold. It’s important for all of us to think about other’s feelings, but in the end, you have to trust your gut and do what seems right to you.
No worries…be happy everyone. Thanks for bringing up the subject.
Bob – I agree with you for the most part, but would go a little farther. Auto DM’s to acknowledge my following are OK (just OK) except when they immediately:
a) Put the sell on
b) Suggest I go and connect somewhere else (e.g., Facebook) before I get to know the person
c) Suggest I should feel guilty if I don’t follow back
Auto-DMing is something I don’t do.
I took an excursion in unpleasantness this evening when, in an effort to assess whether to follow or not, I went to someone’s Web site and got caught in a scripted page that would not go away. Now *that* was annoying.
I think we all have our foibles when it comes to how we deal with decisions on Twitter, and the main point is to get into a real conversation of one kind or another. Automating DM’s doesn’t help that, except by acknowledging me somewhat faster than the person may actually have the opportunity to do.
Thanks for your thoughtful post.
I am not big of automation and as yet I have not done that with my responses. I am okay with the DM response but I typically send an @ response because I also want to mention them to others as well. I think we all have our own personal vices and really it is about the twitter love.
Very good post….Had me thinking a bit.
Thank you Bob for starting this discussion!
It has certainly brought to my attention, points of view that I was previously unaware of.
Since I do not automate anything on Twitter, I too am having a hard time with all the automated DMs that I get….because I feel it is impolite not to answer, and sometimes I can`t tell whether the DM is automated or real.
I have stopped opening links in the DMs I get, because too many include spam I do not want to waste my time on, or even worse, harmful URLs that turn on all my anti-virus sirens.
I`m still looking for the best way to get real conversations going with real people, and have had some success, even in meeting new twitter connections that have become real life friends. 🙂
Personally, I appreciate the DMs I`ve received from you…and if you did not get my response to any, it is only because I missed them in the general flood of incoming automated messages.
As with any experiment, I assume that, with time, Twitter will find a way to resolve all the bumps in the road. Meanwhile, I still feel more comfortable developing relationships on Facebook.
I am loving the article and the comments. Thanks for sharing. I’m personally troubled with all the retweeted thank yous on my tweet stream as it is overwhelming. At the same time these connections are important to many people, including myself. We are all now in the broadcasting industry with a perplexing audience paradox: we have individual information on each follower and we have no information on who our new followers might be. As time passes, what is important to the group can change. Add to this that our Twitter medium is design for group communication, we are challenged when using it to develop meaningful connections with individuals. There’s an evolution happened and the changes are being caused by the choices Tweeters and Followers make and in those choices they reflect what is important and valuable. Don’t sell youself short as a new comer to this medium, you are a blazing pioneer. Personally I think DMs run the highest risk of losing value if they become just another email inbox but the risk is mitigated by what you are making of it and what you choose to make of it. Thanks again!
Great points on so many different levels (by everyone!)
The auto-dm part is well covered here – no value – period!
I can certainly appreciate your desire to show respect by not ‘cluttering the stream’! The value or lack thereof could be debated by many.
As far as the public recognition, I have always appreciated private dm’s for what they truly are – a personal gift, however, I do make a point to thank each and everyone I possibly can publicly. I see it as ‘multiple gifts’.
Expressing gratitude in and of itself is of course a gift to both the giver and the recipient.
Doing so publicly is a gift to the direct recipient for obvious reasons.
In my opinion, it is also a gift to those ‘watching’ in that it allows them to see/discover other great people to connect with AND it may inspire others to stop and consider how they can ‘give’ and/or simply serve as a little ‘reminder’ to show gratitude themselves (which again, is a gift to themselves as well as the recipient:)
Thanks for the discussion!~
Bob~I appreciate receiving a DM from you, they make me smile! It’s much more personal & mean more than thank you’s in the public stream. 🙂
That being said I retweet things because I feel they add value & I want to share that value with others. While it’s a great gesture, I don’t expect a thank you privately or publicly. I thought most people felt that way.
OOPS! Hit send too soon!
I enjoyed this conversation as it gave me several different perspectives I hadn’t considered. Thanks!!
Just wanted to jump in (better late than never?!) and thank you for sharing your experience and using it to foster such insightful conversation that both newbie and experienced tweeters can learn from. Great stuff!
This is one of the benefits of twitter, blogging and social media in general. You put out a call of
“Holy misinterpretation, Batman!” (Now that’s right up there with your 3 stooges & Charlie Brown, my friend!) and your community has your back, saying “you’re sooo not crazy” and “have you thought of this?”
My bottom line (besides you’re soooo not crazy!) is…it’s YOUR twitter experience. You set the rules, which can and will change as you keep learning what works best for you. If other people have a problem with that, it’s on them, not you (assuming you’re respectful – which is a given with you).
Appreciate you!
Ok I am taking a contrarian position on the thank yous in the “stream” Who said being courteous was “Clutter” Who said acknowledgment was “clutter”, wow this really surprises me, where do you draw line at what is valuable and what is not when it comes to manners. Slippery slope.
I agree with you on every of point. Making a series of comical skits on twitter will let you know when they are complete, giggle. You’ll laugh till your tummy hurts.
Bob,
Was just having a conversation with a twitter friend and he mentioned that when I put out thank yous in lists (which I’ve done so as not to fill stream of those connected with me with a flurry of individual thank yous) those lists tend to be RTd again and again by those perhaps wanting to be known. But then there is the DM problem you mentioned. I understand how a DM can seem like a slight, or a more personal message, depending on the perspective of the recipient. So, it is a good question as to how to thank folks who kindly RT tweets without creating too many tweets most people don’t care about or insulting people.
Thanks for bringing up the topic. Randall
Hey, Bob! I agree with your feeling about automated DM’s. However, it seems that if the automated ones aren’t about us, then it could bring value. For example, today I created mine to encourage someone to check out your new Go-Givers Sell More book!
Hi Marla, yes, I was referring specifically to the automated welcome DMs once someone follows you. I believe that – at best – they simply don’t provide any value. At worst – when they have a link to what the person is selling – it’s totally counterproductive; sort of like walking up to someone and upon the introduction handing them your business card and saying, “would you like to buy from me?” Not too mention, the jam up a person’s DM stream, causing them to be angry at the person who did that. Thank you for your kind words about the book. You and Demra are awesome!!
Bob,
I have managed to avoid following anyone who sends automated direct messages ever since I started asking a simple question BEFORE I follow them. I just ask whether they use automated direct messaging to their followers, or not. My decision to follow is based upon their answer, or lack of one.
One of the consequences of this policy is that I connect more with the people who are on Twitter to be personal and interactive, and less with the people who just want to use Twitter as another podium (talking their message, but never listening).
Thanks for your thoughtful post.
Carl Ingalls
Bob,
Separate topic. Saying “Thank you” on Twitter, for retweets or for anything else.
I say “thank you” whenever I can. Not because it is polite, and certainly not because anyone expects it. I say “thank you” simply because it is another opportunity to connect. I make it personal, because being personal is one of my goals on Twitter.
I know that it is much more difficult for people to be personal when they have a very large number of followers and lots of retweets. There are difficult choices to be made.
Carl Ingalls