In his 1918 work, The Power of Concentration (re-published in ebook form by Mike Litman), the author, Theron Dumont wrote, “It is necessary to be silent before you can speak wisely.” True enough, as stated. But then he goes on to write something I believe to be particularly profound.
According to Dumont, “The person who is really alert and well poised and able to speak wisely under trying circumstance is the person who has practiced in the silence.”
I see two different interpretations – or levels – regarding what Mr. Dumont wrote:
#1 The silence itself must be practiced. In other words, how difficult is it for most people (myself included) to remain silent after hearing someone say something with which they disagree? Don’t you just want to spring back with an answer? Well, what happens when you do that? There are several possible results, amongst which are:
A. Confusion. Since you don’t understand exactly what the other person is really saying but, instead, are allowing your personal belief system/paradigm/world model to interpret it for you, you react to something the other person doesn’t actually mean.
B. Less persuasive response. Since you answer without first forming a clear
idea as to what you want to say and how you can best say it, your answer lacks the meaning you would have given it had you taken a moment to think it out.
C. Resentment toward you and resistance to your ideas from the other person. This is the natural result of jumping down his/her throat the very nanosecond they finished their sentence.
Again, please don’t think that I’ve never been guilty of any of these. I have more times than I care to remember.
None of these options makes for effective and persuasive communication. For this alone, it seems as though it would be a great idea for all of us to practice (getting into) the silence. In other words, practice holding our tongues until we’ve first allowed silence to buffer the response.
The second interpretation I see of Mr. Dumont’s statement however is, in my opinion, even more meaningful. In “practicing in the silence” he is teaching us to be comfortable in the silence and even allowing the silence to be our guide. There is actually wisdom within the silence.
He writes, “Speech interferes with the focusing powers of the mind, as it withdraws the attention to the external and therefore is hardly to be compared with that deep silence of
the subconscious mind, where deep thoughts, and the silent forces of high potency are evolved.”
So, as an exercise, perhaps we can all keep within our awareness the goal to practice being silent before speaking, to practice not only being silent but to practice in the silence.
Hmm, I wonder how many Thanksgiving Family Dinners could benefit from that kind of, err…practice. 🙂
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“Pratice holding our thoughts, until we’ve first allowed silence, to buffer the response” I LOVE to talk, as you are likely aware 🙂
When I go further into your thoughts, and you say “Speech interferes with the focusing powers of the mind as it withdraws the attention to the external” I see what I am doing by talking too much.
I want the attention on me. While I do not think itis a bad thing to like attention, I have learned that “demanding” attention is the quickest way to get ignored. I am going to a quiet place and pratice my friend, thanks!
Loved this post, Bob!
While reading it, I couldn’t help but think of Don Miguel Ruiz and “The Four Agreements.” The 1st agreement is “Be impeccable with your word.” I LOVE that one. The 3rd Agreement is “Don’t Make Assumptions.” Here’s where I get into trouble. If I am speaking with someone, and s/he makes a statement that I don’t necessarily agree with or don’t understand~BAM~I start making assumptions about that person and the statement! Before I know it, I’m blurting out a response based on my “assumption” w/o waiting to process and ask questions. (this would be “silence” time) Ruiz states in his book, “We make the assumption that everyone see life the way WE do. We assume that others think the way WE think, feel the way WE feel, judge the way WE judge…” He further states, “Make sure the communication is clear. If you don’t understand something, it is better for you to ask and be clear, instead of making an assumption.” ( I think that statement is directly related to your A, B. & C)
I don’t know about YOU, but, buddy, I have been known to defend a position (point) until it got really ugly. I can happily say that I no longer act that way 🙂
Ruiz states that with clear communication, all of our relationships will change. Why??? Because we no longer have to “assume.” Further, “If we communicate in this way, our word becomes impeccable.” BINGO!! Imagine a world where no one “assumed” anything! Too perfect, perhaps? More than likely, more agreeable relationships; “Go-Giver” relationships!
In the volunteer work that I do, I REALLY have to listen… and I need to be comfortable with “the silence in a conversation.” I was taught to “leave my stuff” outside. My personal beliefs, paradigms, prejudices, etc, etc. Listening is an art!!! And most folks miss out on the JOY of giving another your undivided attention. And it is a Joy!! I suggest that folks try it out. Listening with no agenda. WOW, wonder how that would work at Thanksgiving dinner???
If all my rambling makes any sense…well, HOORAY, because I just wanted to share on the great topic of “Practicing in the Silence.” I’ll bet all kinds of relationships would be better, what do you think?”
Happy Thanksgiving, Mr. Geaux-Giver!!!
Laura and Deb, I appreciate both of you sharing both your heart and your wisdom. Deb, “The Four Agreements” is one of my favorite books and one I often recommend from stage. You provided some excellent lessons from the book. Again, I thank both of you, very much. Way to Geaux! 🙂