In Part One we learned from a couple of true business geniuses that – in a business venture – speed of action and being different are two keys to success. I then suggested that in interpersonal situations (though, this would certainly also hold true for business), where the person might be difficult to persuade, we add something else; friendliness.
We do this – yes – first and fast in order to be the one to set the matrix; the context and frame of the encounter. We never give it a chance to go in a malevolent direction.
I thought of this yesterday morning while attempting to leave my condo complex. Pulling out, I noticed the city had closed off both the initial and main roads for the annual Triathlon. As I approached the woman who was guarding the exit, she did not look very happy that someone was treading on “her” territory.
As I drove near her, and as soon as I sensed she could see my face, I smiled and waved. Her reflexive response was to do the same (the neighbors will tell you this is not usually the case. Of course, the neighbors set a negative matrix by displaying how unhappy they are with the situation). I asked her the best way to get to the main road without disrupting the race and she nicely guided me there.
Next, the police officer guarding his main road. I simply did the same thing. Immediately his defensive posture turned into a very helpful, “Sir, you can take a right here and just go around the cones. Have a nice day.”
Be first, be fast and, yes, be different…by being friendly. Remember, in a “persuasion situation” it’s up to us to set the matrix. After all, one will be set. Let’s not leave to chance which one it will be.