Early one morning, with no time for a Dunkin’ Donuts run, I made the two-minute drive to the Circle K, a local convenience store, and poured myself a cup of hot coffee. All of a sudden, I felt a sizzling, burning feeling. The good news was that “my cup runneth over.” The bad new was that it was running over with hot coffee. Yes, yours truly (a.k.a. “Mr. Klutz”) had managed to pour coffee all over his hand.
Being of the oratorical profession, I knew exactly what to say…”OUCHHHHHHHH!”
A bystander, having observed my painful ordeal, commented, “Well, at least you can sue the Circle K Corporation for millions of dollars.” I believe he was serious.
I replied (politely), “Or, I could pay more attention when I pour my coffee.”
Social commentary aside, the point is, whatever we do, we need to not only pay attention but be willing to take responsibility for and accept the consequences of our actions.
This holds particularly true in our communication with others. We can’t expect that, just because we know what we are trying to say, the other person will automatically understand it as we intend it to be understood. As I’ve previously pointed out, this often comes down to belief systems (how we see the world, and assume that other see it the same way we do) and definitions (if two people define a term differently, it becomes difficult to have a conversation based on understanding).
In Part Two, we’ll look at one example where, although I probably said exactly what I meant to say, I communicated it in such a way that – if someone really wanted to misunderstand it, they could…and they did. And I had to take responsibility and realize that I set up the misunderstanding.
In about an hour, I head for the aiport to travel to New Jersey. I have a program there on Saturday. On Friday, John David Mann and I meet at a studio in New York to record the audio version of our soon-to-be-released book, Go-Givers Sell More (Portfolio, February, 2010).
So, not sure if Part Two will be tomorrow, Saturday or next Monday. But I do “accept responsibility” for getting it done. At least, one of these days. 🙂
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Bob, I love how you incorporate your personal stories with a great lesson! Taking responsibility for our words and actions is critical, especially when people misinterpret our thoughts. It seems to be easy for some people to misunderstand our words… perhaps because we’re all operating on different wave-lengths. Some people dwell in a space of negative thinking (us vs. them), and others are seeking for ways to bring people together — as you do. Having different mindsets forces all of us to re-examine our values. Taking responsibility is a choice we all make, day by day. Thanks for inspiring us with your thoughts.
I do hope your hand isn’t too burnt and yes, you should be a bit more careful next time my friend! The thing I put alot of emphasis on with my children is taking Responsibility for your self in your actions, thoughts and beliefs. Excuse Limit Zero is the motto in our home! I am looking forward to hearing how you bring it into communication skills and yes, it is your responsibility to be sure whomever you are communicating with understands what you are communicating. I can’t wait to hear your story! Have a BLAST recording the book. Hope your flights go smooth and quick.
Bob,
Great post – hope that hand is okay! I am not sure if you have read “Five Point Play” by Coach K or not but he tells a great story about an experiece he had at Westpoint. On one of his first days, he was headed for roll call and it was raining. Half way there, he got mud on his shoes. He did not have time to go back and shine them again, so his choice was, be late or show up with muddy shoes. He chose the ladder. When asked for an explanation, he chose to take responsibility instead of giving an excuse, and applied the lesson of responsibility he leared that day to his life.
Unfortunately, most people are looking to blame others, or the greatest liar of all – situations for their problems. I propose that if all would take responsibility for their actions, many if not most, of our problems will magically go away!
Yet another great post! This is a huge “button” for me! I have told my boys since birth “if I only teach you one thing in this life, it will be to take responsibility” (not kidding!). Why? Because when we are willing to take responsibility, we are happier. Pure and simple. Many people think it’s easier to be a victim. Easier yes. I said happier. Happier because to do anything else makes you a ‘victim’. It’s easier to say ‘it’s out of my control’, but then it’s out of your control:) When we take responsibility for the ‘bad’ (read:mistakes,etc) we also empower ourselves to create and do and accomplish GREAT things. I for one will choose empowerment over entitlement any day!
SO excited about the new book by the way! 🙂
Bob,
Repsonsibility is a fantastic topic. 25+ years ago the second time I attended college I took a class just to do a research project on responsibility. There are three major approaches to viewing responsibility. The one you use will determine what you see. I will dig out some notes.
Thank you for the exact item I needed today!
As always, I’m very grateful to all of you for your thoughts and comments and for sharing your wisdom with all of us. Thank you!!
Hi Bob,
Excellent post. So many people today are quite willing to commit to a particular action and are happy to receive whatever benefit obtains. However, if something goes amiss, they try to avoid any responsibility at all. The point you make about ‘communication’ is particularly appropriate in todays world where we can communicate with others thousands of miles away, in a matter of seconds.
Reminds me of the proverb, “Look before you leap” (it might be your last leap and you have only yourself to blame).
As always, your post provide me with relevant food for thought.
I have been exploring the notion that my belief system just may produce perceptions that are different from those that people around me have, for a few weeks now. It’s one thing to be exposed to the idea, which I have been for decades, but yet another to actually practice it.
Look for an issue that you see differently from someone you have a close enough relationship with, to be able to say: We sure think differently about that!
BTW, I look forward to the new Audiobook.