We recently looked at why it can be so difficult to receive. When combining the many “scarcity messages” society provides us along with a lack of self-worth the results can be devastating. This to the point of consciously knowing we’ve earned the right to receive while subconsciously — and unconsciously — not allowing ourselves to do so.
The post resulted in a number of emails. One was from a reader who — in extending herself far past the point of client expectation — wondered if that was appropriate or if she was simply allowing herself to be taken advantage of. She wondered if she should ask for additional compensation, but noted she felt “guilty” for even thinking it.
In other words, was she simply “giving additional value” because it was the right thing to do or was she being self-sacrificial? And, that’s a very important question.
If you ever have similar questions regarding your thoughts or actions, please consider asking yourself the following:
“Am I doing this consciously (and feeling good about it) or unconsciously (and feeling a bit yucky)?”
In this case, the question might be, “Am I providing this additional value because it’s congruent with my belief system of giving as much value as I possibly can? Or, because an unconscious lack of self-worth says that I’m not worthy and must do even more in order to justify the money I am receiving?”
You can decide whether you should inform the client that you’ve found an additional way to add value to the relationship (that was not part of the original agreement) and that you’d need to charge additionally to pursue that. Or, you might decide that it’s a natural part of what you had agreed upon and simply act upon it in order to provide a knock-your-socks-off customer experience.
If you choose the second option because it is congruent with your values and will result in happiness and peace of mind, then that’s terrific. If, however, it’s because you subconsciously feel you are not deserving and must be self-sacrificial, then that’s more than likely a self-worthiness issue and should be treated accordingly.
Please know that the worthiness issue is something we all (at least “I”) continually need to work on. The key is to keep working at it and to keep growing!
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