One of my valued mentors, Rabbi Zelig Pliskin of Jerusalem, points out in his book, The Power of Words that typically, when it comes to grammar, most of us make it a point to do our best to speak correctly.
He writes:
“You violate no ‘laws’ by violating the laws of grammar, nevertheless you are probably careful not to speak incorrectly. All the more so, be careful not to violate the laws of speech by insulting others.”
He continues,
“Schools spend hundreds of hours teaching students proper grammar and syntax. At least a partial amount of this time should be spent on stressing the importance of not causing pain with words. Parents who correct their children’s grammar should all the more so correct them if they insult other children.”
Terrific point! While, naturally, we should take care and pleasure in speaking correctly grammatically, how much more important that we take care and pleasure in speaking correctly spiritually? This would mean doing our best to never insult, hurt, bully or shame another person with our words – directly or through gossip – but instead to bring about good feelings and peace.
And how righteous are those parents who teach their children to do the same.
Your thoughts?
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There is both life and death in the tongue; the power to build as well as the power to destroy. One of the biggest destroyers is gossip: negative talk, put-downs, rumors, accusations, bullying (verbal harassment). The harm it can cause – to individuals, families, groups, religious institutions, teams, businesses and society – is immense.
I’ll be doing a one-hour teleseminar on on how to eliminate this from your life. And, while I know YOU don’t have this habit, you might know others who have, or be part of an organization that does. Or you might want to share this with the teachers at your children’s school who are searching for ways to to stop the problem of bullying.
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Great distinction, Bob! I’m so glad my parents taught me the difference. I try to practice it but fail at times. Also, having been on the receiving end of painful words as a chubby teenager, I am extra sensitive to what I say and write. When I make a mistake I try to correct it as soon as possible.
Jennifer: Thank you. Yes, I think most of us fail in this regard from time-to-time. They key is to be constantly aware, which it sounds like you are. I’m sorry you were on the receiving end as a teenager. Yes, that will certainly make one more sensitive to it. Painful, none the less, however.
Bob,
What an excellent post. In my adult life I have worked for various sizes and categories of organizations both corporate and academic. I have found as a creative person (graphic designer) that the most hurtful of all words is “NO”. Not that the word itself is hurtful but because often times there was no explanation as to “why”. I don’t mind being told no when there is a valid reason why. Even if it’s a political one. But time after time I would bring a valid idea to a superior only to be told a flat “no” for no other reason than the person only had “no” in his vocabulary.
Saying no is a choice. Explaining why you said no is a obligation of leadership. To not explain your decision is an offense to the person who brought the idea. Its rude and discourteous. A true leader will explain his position with logic and kindness letting the person know that he appreciates the input and the idea but then explain the reasoning behind the word “no”. By not explaining you are sending the message that the person isn’t worthy of an explanation or can’t be trusted with the information. That’s not what builds strong organizations.
Parents can do their children a great service by teaching them by example. When you tell your children “no” explain why. Don’t insult them by thinking they can’t understand or handle the information. Children understand far more than what we give them credit for. By teaching them that “no” also comes with an explanation, you are teaching the next generation how to be leaders.
Just my two cents worth. Good job, Bob
Michael Big Idea Guy
Michael: Thank you. And, your “two cents worth” is worth millions. Thank you for sharing such great wisdom with us!
Michael: I really like your insight. People can accept “no” with an explanation a whole better than without one, even if they don’t like the reason.
Jennifer,
Thanks for the compliment. It just makes good sense.
Michael
“Better pointed bullets than pointed speeches.”, said Otto von Bismarck
Thank you Bob for bringing this concept to the table. We have two little children and you just reminded us one more time of our responsibilities as parents and as role models for our children.
This is an excellent post. Thanks again!
Kumar: Thank you. Very kind of you to say that. I have a feeling the two of you do a terrific job as role models already!