My friend and personal trainer, Diane Tulkuu, is known for keeping her calm despite “emergency situations” that send most others into an immediate and emotional tailspin.
In a previous post we discussed – what I call – Default Settings, the automatic response/reaction mode people go into based on certain stimuli. Some people panic; some get angry; others simply say “no, it can’t be done” and, then, there are those like Diane who manage to immediately go into solution mode.
I asked her why that is, and here’s what she said:
“When I was ten-years old I was cooking something in the kitchen and a fire erupted. I immediately began to scream in panic. My sister followed suit and did the same. Fortunately, my Father, Walter, was home and came into the kitchen.
“In what appeared strange at first, he didn’t address the fire. He simply said, ‘Girls, calm down. Stop screaming. I’m not as concerned about the fire as I am about how you’re reacting to it. You’re not going to be able to solve the problem if you’re not calm and able to think it through.’
“We immediately calmed down and he quickly showed us how to put out the fire. When it comes right down to it, I think that is the reason why I’ve managed to stay calm and focused on solutions instead of the problems. That’s also probably why I have a hard time relating to those who immediately seem to panic at even the slightest bump in the road.”
That one wise teaching from Father to daughters set the default setting that would serve her and many others from that point on. Which, in a sense, might bring up that age-old question of “nature or nurture?” I suspect it’s both.
What do you say?
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The story reminds me of my dad. He taught me to be proactive and not reactive. It has served me well to always keep calm in an emergency, or any situation. The solutions or answers are all inside of us, we just have to stop and listen and not let our emotional state react first. If you change the way you react to something (an event, person etc…) you usually will be able to control the outcome more to your favor.
Thank you, AJ; wise advise both from you and your Dad. Thank you for sharing!
Bob, Walter must have been related to my mother. She taught me never to panic in the midst of an emergency, and she had little tolerance for people who became hysterical at such times. I have found this to be among the most wise advice she ever gave me, and it is not just true in an emergency situation. Staying calm at all times keeps your rational brain engaged – a good thing in all circumstances. I agree that nature and nurture are involved. I believe we are all born with a certain temperment (nature), but that if we have wise parents (who understand our nature and communicate in effective ways), it can be changed. I was born of latin parents and have a “hot-blooded” setting. However, I was adopted as an infant and raised by an English mother (reserved). These days, my default settings show up when I am vulnerable – the classic HALT – Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. But I am aware of this and can monitor myself. So, yes, I believe in the nature and nurture question, it is both.
Thank you, Bonnie. What wisdom-filled comments. Thank you for sharing that with us. And, sounds as though you have a wise Mom, just as Diane has a wise Dad. 🙂
1000% What an outstanding father and great lesson to learn so early in life! Bravo! Whenever a crisis appears it is just telling us something is not working/broke. In order to fix it we must understand it which can’t be done in a panic/fear/anger mode. Each second in an unresourceful state is wasted and serves no one. The better we understand anything that doesn’t work the better we can fix it. =)
I agree, Lilyana. Great points, my friend! Thank you!
It’s great advice Bob. It is certainly very difficult to make sound decisions when we are panicked.
Thank you, Russ. So true, isn’t it? A great lesson from Diane’s Dad!
Had a similar experience when I was a kid, my response was, “I am freaking out because I don’t know what to do, you should so you need to fix it.” They responded, “Well I’m not going to fix it so you better figure it out.” Maybe that is why I am so independent LOL!!!
LOL. I know that you are very independent and extremely capable so it must have worked. I’m hoping (I’m sure) they would have helped had you not been able to figure it out for yourself. 🙂
Bob & Lilyana both make excellent points here.
Thank you Jet!