Of course, we know this is part of life and part of the human element. We are not necessarily dealing with rational, logical people. It can be frustrating for sure. Fortunately, there is an answer. As we learn from Bob in Influence & Success Insights Video #23 titled, “The Phrase That Persuades” there are eight words you can use that – when applied correctly – will practically always move that other person to the correct and proper action. Just as importantly, in a way that benefits them, as well.
It’s so natural to do, yet so very counterproductive. When presented with a negative question, or one intended to somehow put us the spot, we react defensively and dismiss it as though it’s not an issue at all. Which – of course – only tells that person and everyone observing that, indeed, it IS an issue. In Influence & Success Insights Video #22 titled, “It’s ALWAYS a Problem…Unless It Isn’t” Bob shares, through a fantastic example he witnessed several years ago, a much more effective, productive, and persuasive way to handle this type of situation.
Is placing the interests of others before your own a self-sacrificial act that – while it sounds nice and altruistic – will actually cause you more harm than good? Actually, as we discover in Influence & Success Insights Video #21 titled, “Nothing ‘Door-Matty’ About It” both parts of the above statement are the exact opposite of the truth. Not only is doing so not self-sacrificial, it actually turns out to be the best way to be very influential and immensely successful both personally and professionally.
Last post we looked at two well-known but – in my opinion – counterproductive ways people have been taught to say “no” to a request. Here in Influence & Success Insights Video #20 titled, “Saying No Respectfully and…Effectively, Part 2” you’ll discover my method of doing so that honors the other person and results in both of you feeling good the situation. Yes, they feel good about it even though they did not get their desired result.
As human beings we generally want to please others; to come through for people, to be of value to them. Thus, when someone asks us to do something, we’ll often say “yes” even though we’d really rather say no. Even though we feel we should say no. And even when not saying no sets us up for a probable negative result (i.e. not being able to deliver on what we said “yes” to).
The word “ego” typically brings with it a negative connotation; one of self-centered braggadocio or even narcissism. That’s just one aspect of it though. Really, like any other principle or universal law, ego, “the ‘I’ or self of any person” is neither good nor bad, it just…is. How it manifests is what makes it positive or negative. When in control of one’s own ego it can lead to very positive results.
While Influence itself has to do with moving people to our ideas or certain specific actions in the best interests of all concerned, it’s not always a straight shot from Point A to Point B. It’s also not going to happen every time and with every issue. As we explore in Influence & Success Insights Video #17 titled, “Let Go of Having to Be Right” not only is letting go of our attachment to such simply necessary for our own peace of mind, paradoxically, it’s also more likely to result in our being right more often…and more persuasively!
Of all the people skills that help a person to have “Genuine Influence” perhaps none is more important than a well-developed sense of empathy. But here’s something interesting: while many believe that in order to have empathy, you must understand exactly “how the other person feels”, as we see in Influence & Success Insights Video #16, titled, “The Beauty of Empathy”, that’s simply not the case.
Those who master the art of tact will find that ideas of theirs that at one time would have almost automatically been resisted by others are now much more consistently and readily accepted. But, aren’t the facts themselves important? Sure they are. But, as we discover in Influence & Success Insights Video #15, titled, “Tact, The Language of Strength”, because we’re so often dealing with people whose emotions and egos supersede their logic…while facts matter, they don’t necessarily persuade. People persuade.
As important as setting a positive frame is (as we learned in the previous video, doing so correctly puts you 80-90 percent of the way toward your desired result) the fact is, we’re not always able to do so. Indeed, sometimes the other person shows up with an already negatively set frame. What to do then? As we see in Influence & Success Insights Video #14, titled, “RE-Setting…Their Negative Frame” the good news is that you can quickly, gently and easily move the other person’s frame to one of mutual cooperation; from adversarial to one of being allies.