Recently, I posted on my Facebook page:
“Focusing on how the *other person* views the situation is a great start to resolving a difficult interaction.”
Yet, this can be difficult because — in order to do this — we must step out of our emotional mind and into our calm and rational mind.
Not easy to do when caught up in conflict. However, those who can master their emotions and do this consistently are the most powerful and influential communicators.
Steps To Make This Happen
- Picture someone you know who embodies the above. It’s not a coincidence that they are very successful and highly respected.
- Picture yourself doing the same. Imagine how successful and highly (self)-respected you will be.
- Imagine future situations where you are in the midst of a very difficult interaction. The other person is becoming angry as they express their views.
- Imagine you — on the other hand — being very calm and in (self)-control. Now see yourself focusing on how they view the situation.
- Imagine yourself asking the right questions so that you fully understand, and then deciding how to proceed.
- See yourself handling the situation beautifully and bringing it to a win-win outcome.
Important Point: Focusing on the other person’s viewpoint is not the same thing as agreeing with them. It simply means that you are placing yourself in a better position of understanding.
I don’t think anyone phrased it any better than Dr. Stephen R. Covey in his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People when he wrote, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”
Master this and watch your influence soar. And that you won’t have to imagine!
We love seeing all the new members of our Go-Giver Ambassadors Facebook Page. Every morning, my awesome business partner, Kathy Tagenel posts an inspiring quote from John David Mann’s and my, The Go-Giver series that is designed to start your day off right and give you something to keep in mind throughout the day. Check out today’s quote and photo at http://www.facebook.com/groups/GoGiverAmbassadors/
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I totally agree! It certainly helps when we step back and try to see things from the other person’s point of view. It doesn’t mean that we’re agreeing, but it does mean that we’re seeking to understand.
Stacey, thank you. Greatly appreciate you sharing your thoughts with us!
Bob, the act of practicing this approach (at least in your mind), is a critical element in building your emotional intelligence “EQ” and leadership skills. The ability to successfully manage and leverage conflict, goes a long way in building credibility and people notice. As the late great Tom Landry once said, “Leadership is a matter of having people look at you and gain confidence, seeing how you react. If you’re in control, they’re in control”.
Thanks for the post!
Gary
Gary, very well-said. Enjoyed everything you wrote! Very much appreciate you sharing that with us!
Hi Bob,
What a powerful little post! Resolving complicate can be such a difficult thing for the very thing you said: “we have to step outside of our emotional mind”.
I have to be honest that it’s something I personally struggle with sometimes even though I have to say I generally do not have a lot of conflicts. Your action steps are very, very good and it almost reminds me of the Silva Method. I’ll have to put this in my Evernote. Something that helped for me is well is starting to meditate. Because it helps me to take a deep breath before I respond, which usually is enough.
Also, I have heard about 3 recommendations on podcasts for your book “The Go Giver” – so I think the universe is nudging me to “go” for it 😉
I hope you had a great week so far and I know it’s a little early – but have a great weekend ahead.
– Jasper
Thank you, Jasper. I appreciate your very kind feedback about the post, and your suggestions. And, indeed, it can be a struggle for all of us. Certainly something to continue working on. And, thank you for your mention of “The Go-Giver.” If you get a chance to read it, I hope you enjoy it. We actually have an expanded version of it that is about to be released October 20th. We’ll send out an announcement for those who’d like to pre-order it. Thanks so much for being a part of the conversation! Great weekend to you, as well!