One of the golden rules of human nature — as so perfectly illustrated by Dale Carnegie in his classic, How to Win Friends And Influence People — is that, “Ultimately, People do things for their reasons, not our reasons.”
As such, in order to elicit a person to make a decision and take the action you feel they should…they must feel they should. And, this will most likely only happen as a result of you asking the right questions.
Communication Authority, Dianna Booher suggests that “Questions allow the other person to collaborate on the data you’re collecting. That done, people {rarely} invalidate their own data when you use it to ask them to consider a change.”
In her new book (her 46th book, actually!), What More Can I Say: Why Communication Fails and What to Do About It, Ms. Booher provides a wonderful example of a mom who did just that with her teenaged son and his choice of cars:
“I recently overheard a mother using a series of questions to lead her sixteen-year-old-son to trade in an older-model sport car for a newer sedan, not quite the model the teen had in mind:
“‘What kind of gas mileage do you get in the sports car? What kind of mileage does the Kelley Blue Book estimate for the sedan? So, at the current price of gas, how much would you save on gas per year with the newer car? If you sold your used sports car and invested that money until graduation, plus the gas money you’d save between now and graduation, how much money would you have to buy a brand-new car for college?'”
“The teen opted to save for the newer car at graduation.”
Whether you’re leading a huge team, a small committee, or…a child, if your goal is to elicit the other person to willingly commit and buy-in to your request, rather than to make them grudgingly comply (and, we all know how that usually works out), then you need to help them see why it is in their best interest to do so.
And, as is usually the case, questions are the answer.
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Great book with amazing tips on communication. A resource for everyone
Thank you, Carly. I believe you’re going to be interviewing her soon on your show. Is there a link you could post for us or any other information?
Wow, 46 books! That’s an impressive feat.
I never fully grasped the power and influence that asking the right questions have until I read Andrew Sobel’s book “Power Questions”. Great read that opened many new files.
Looks like “What More Can I Say?” will be the newest addition to the 2015 book list.
Thanks for creating the awareness around it Bob.
Blake: Indeed, I don’t know how she does it…46 books! 🙂 I’m glad you’ll be picking up her book. I found it to be a terrific read!