On my Facebook page, I posted the following:
“A genuine smile is the ultimate positive frame-setter.”
And, I believe that’s true for practically any interpersonal communication.
A frame is the foundation or starting point from which everything else follows.
The good news is that, not only can your genuine smile set the frame for a pleasant and productive interaction; it can also reset the frame of the person you are about to engage who appears to not be in a particularly helpful mood.
I know; it seems too simple. Could it really be that easy?
Just try it. Smile genuinely at whomever you come across today; whether a quick hello or a potentially difficult conversation. Your smile will set the frame (or reset their frame) and the results will speak for themselves.
In his book, Working with Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman writes,
“It happens that smiles are the most contagious emotional signal of all, having an almost irresistible power to make other people smile in return.”
Indeed!
Yep, a genuine smile truly is the ultimate positive frame-setter.
Have you found that to be the case? Please share your thoughts and experiences with us.
Oh, and by the way (and, this is important so please be aware), you’ll usually need to be the one that smiles first. It just works out that way.
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Agreed, a genuine smile is the ultimate “positive” frame-setter! However, I’m not 100% in agreement that the are the “most contagious signal of all.” I say that because I have seen the negativity of a person quickly effect others in a work environment as well, especially if the negative person is in a position of authority.
Having said that, I love the point of the post, and hope others are reminded, as I have been, to be happy and show it with genuine smiles. The impact to this world will be positive, and there is just too little if it these days! Thanks Bob!
Steve: Thank you for your feedback. Indeed, positive and negative can both set a powerful frame. How much better it is to choose a positive frame to set, as you suggested!
Great advice, especially for those of us whose default frame is um, not smiling. I have to work on my insta-smile as I am particularly guilty of not smiling in pictures or when concentrating on something.
Even just noticing someone in an active and positive way can change the frame.
Bob, Great advice as always. Many people are defeated before they start their day by having the wrong attitude. A positive attitude and a smile is infectious. A genuine smile is always remembered and is such a huge gift to people. Since an early age, my nickname has been “smiler”. I am sometimes criticised for smiling too much. I have even tried to be miserable but it doesn’t work for me. A few years ago, after a workshop I had been delivering one of the delegates approached me and explained that she couldn’t trust me because I smiled all the time. For weeks afterwards I worried about smiling too much.
I now believe it is better to smile than be miserable. I have learnt that my smile is part of who I am and my brand.
Doug: Great advice both regarding the default frame and when concentrating. I’m another of those that – when in thought – has a very serious m somewhat intense face and if coincides with meeting someone, that is something I need to stay consciously aware of. Great reminder!
I used to play a little game… but you know that. I was telling a guy about my little game one time, that when I got someone to smile back at me I chalked up a “win,” and the guy said, “You know, half the guys you smile at probably just think their fly’s unzipped.”
I don’t like to make people uncomfortable, so I thought about the possibility that my smiling actually made people suspicious or uneasy. And then I thought, “So they check their fly. Who cares? Two blocks later they’ll run out of other motives for why I would smile at them and they’ll have to just accept I didn’t it because I WANTED TO!”
In fact, when I remember the snide comment that guy made it just makes me smile. WIN!
So yes, the negative can be catching too. But, I”m with you dear, the positive is a far more powerful choice.
Dixie: Indeed, your “smile story” is one of my all-time favorites and John David Mann and I were honored to be able to include that in “Go-Givers Sell More.” It’s really one of the most touching stories I’ve ever heard. And, on a personal note, I can’t imagine your smile making anyone uncomfortable. Not no way…not no how! 🙂 I suspect that the snide comment that guy made to you was much more about him and how he sees the world then anything about you. Chalk that up to his unconscious belief system.
Pete: I love your line, “I have even tried to be miserable but it doesn’t work for me.” LOL
Regarding the workshop attendee who approached you after your presentation and said that she couldn’t trust you because you smiled too much…I say the same thing to you that I said to Dixie right above; that was about her (and *her* past experiences, beliefs, etc.) and not about you. I know you, my friend. Keep smiling!
You said it, the “genuine smile” is contagious. Look, you are smiling in your avatar and it just made my avatar smile back.:)
Amy: Wow – it works then. It really works! 😉 😉
Bob. Thanks for the feedback. Smiling really works. I was in a workshop today and everyone said they loved my enthusiasm and smile!
Pete: And, what’s that saying…”if ya’ got it, flaunt it!” 🙂