I’ve previously written that before we can influence another, we must be able to influence ourselves that we have something of value to offer them.
Posting on my Facebook page, I suggested that this concept holds back many very talented people only because they don’t realize the excellent and unique value they “bring to the table.”
And, why don’t they? I believe one reason is that they are so familiar with what they do well (whether it came naturally to them or they put in the now-famous “10,000 hours” of deliberate practice…or a combination of such), that they don’t realize that not everyone else has that same talent or ability.
Do you agree that that is the issue? Or, is it simply one of many issues? What other reasons do you see for people not recognizing the magnificent value they can add/provide to others? And, how would you suggest they overcome that.
My Facebook buds had some terrific thoughts on this (I’ll ask them to copy and paste here).
I’d love to know yours.
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We were just talking about this last night! When we are doing what we love it seems so easy and we then discount the ability. My friend who was in on this discussion is an amazing painter, and it comes so easy to her that she thinks everyone can do it. I feel the same way about sailing, and speaking in public, and writing. We all have something wonderful and unique to offer the world. Thank you for reminding me that it is of great value!!
Wonderful question! Before sharing my take on what I believe are the issues that disable us to see just how great we are, I must admit that this is something I also struggle with. But I’m working on it!
The first reason that comes to my mind is the one that you already pointed out. It’s hard to see something as highly valuable or unique when it’s second nature to us. It just feels normal.
This is also related to the second reason: we don’t feel special! It’s something that we just do because that’s who we are… why would anyone believe that this is extraordinary? Maybe it even goes as far as to believe that we’re not worth people’s attention…
Another reason is fear and belief. If we were absolute certain of just how great our talent is and how useful it is to people… than we weren’t afraid to share it with others and tell them the good news! But because we’re afraid of their reaction, their judgement, their disapproval… we play it safe. We even down-play at times with a dangerous humility…
Ken Blanchard says, and I love this definition, that “people with humility don’t think less of themselves. They just think about themselves less.” However, the hidden meaning in this message is this: we’re only ready to think about ourselves less and focus on how we can bring value into other people’s lives, when we love ourselves enough to appreciate the gifts that God gave us through our talents.
Now, I am dealing with my own self-blindness about my talents by taking the time to look back and appreciate my accomplishments. In this fast-paced World it’s so easy to do great things and run to the next challenge without appreciating what we did! I fall into this trap a lot!!! Don’t let that happen to you!
Celebrating your achievements (and all the people that helped you do it) is not only a healthy way to reward yourself but also to remind you of what your talents are.
Conclusion: right now, people are looking just for someone like you. Someone with your talent! But for them to find you and to see you as the one they are looking for, you have to help them see how you can help them with your gifts! Share your past achievements so they know that you walk the talk. You’re doing this not to brag but to help them see that you are worth it!
That’s my commitment to myself first and to all of you: to love myself enough to appreciate the value of God’s gifts to me and to use them in a way that helps people around the World to make a positive difference!
Thank you so much Bob for reminding me of this…
P.S: Bob, do you allow me to be so bold as to ask how you’ve done it yourself? How did you looked at the highly competitive Personal Development, Speaking and Coaching industry and found your own voice, your unique vision and your unique way to deliver your talent? Would love to know that!
This is a great question, Bob. Thank you for posting!
There are so many reasons why somebody wouldn’t realize what an incredible blessing they could to others to the world. I would look forward to your answer to Bruno’s question 🙂
However, a few reasons I can think of from personal experience are:
1. If nobody more accomplished than me tells me about my good qualities, perhaps I would not realize. In short – lack of mentorship.
2. Lack of positive association and increased exposure to people with negative attitude
3. Lack of knowledge, or exposure. Everybody has some unique talents and abilities, but that isn’t enough. Until we are exposed to an opportunity to be able to use those God given talents and abilities, we probably would never realize it’s value.
On… and on… but I am looking forward to more inputs on this thread. This is indeed a very powerful subject.
I think we’re taught that for something to be valuable, it must be a struggle. So things that we’re naturally gifted/good at/etc–things that come easy to us–we don’t value because they are easy. So, let it be easy. Doesn’t mean its not work, it does require concentrated effort, but you lose time and feel energized by it, so its not a struggle.
WOW – GREAT article Bob – And GREAT comments!
Gosh – the answer to that one is as many as we are persons – but it’s anyway a very good question, to WAKE UP your own “why”! The biggest “offender” here is unique for every single person, with one common donominator YOUR OWN MIND – it’s what’s in there that stops you from progressing. That is why I think that the most important thing you HAVE to do EVERY DAY – To develop yourself, and get help to find out what’s YOUR issues – THAT is, by the way, one of our most sacred “duties” in life, to help eachother find, overcome and progress.
I also gues that’s one of the drives of your articles and your books Bob, to help others succeed. That all the really GREAT persons in history have been doing and are still doing. They make people THINK, and preferrable in the right direction 🙂
Thank’s for doing just that Bob 🙂
How about those who have been told most of their life, especially as a child, that they will never amount to anything? Sad, isn’t it? That programming is very difficult to overcome..but it can be done!
Often times it needs someone to see what is in someone else and then encourage them to take action. Many times, I have noticed people not realising that they’re good at something until I’ve mentioned it. Then there is the Ah-ha moment, and away they go!!
They are too busy measuring how they stack up against someone else versus being the best version of themselves they can be. It takes time to realize and appreciate that everyone of us is endowed with very special gifts. Don’t look at anyone elses and discount yours because they come naturally as we often do. It’s yours and only yours, so use it like you mean it and just be you:-)
Too often we allow ourselves to be consumed and affected by the criticisms we encounter in the course of our work rather than the accolades. I also love Bruno’s comments about humility. Most of us are so busy providing service to clients we really aren’t focused on singing our own praises and are in fact uncomfortable doing so. I’m one of those and what I do is ask clients to provide a written testimonial for me at the end of a project. I still have to get over the hump of broadcasting these amazing, wonderful words to the world but in the meantime, I can hold them close and refer to them as tangible reminders of my value and success. Over time, this is helping me to focus and build on the model of the strengths that I should be shouting out to the world!
As a business coach I encounter this quite a bit actually. My take on it is a little different from others in the Comments chain. I have people take DiSC assessments to establish behavioral profiles. I’ve noticed that certain personality types are often less able to talk about their strengths. They tend to be the introverted ones.
The extroverted ones seem more quick to recognize and share what they are good at and are able to take the good with the bad in that they aren’t held back by what they are challenged by. Of course, this isn’t true with everyone, but I’ve seen it more than a few times.
Thus, I think the more reluctant types need more support and encouragement and real recognition of what they are good at to draw out this inner confidence they can manifest, too.
Great question Bob.
I think there are two things that get in our way. Well, actually I could name several but for today, I will name the two that are the drivers of the dilemma in my mind.
1. People do not have a clear picture, an internal picture of who they are to be in the world.
which then leads to the second part
2. People are looking to outside sources to confirm they are of value which is neglecting #1 getting a clear internal picture of who you are meant to be in the world.
If we are holding on to a picture someone else painted for us, we can’t define our own value for ourselves. So therefore, we aren’t using our own box of 64 beautiful crayons to design our values system, we are borrowing from others and they are defining us.
Define your internal image to be in alignment with your core values and you will begin stepping boldly into your personal power.
Hi All – Often, when – at the conclusion of a post – I ask readers to share their thoughts and suggestions I don’t respond individually (as I usually do) only because it’s really about YOU and YOUR wisdom. However, please know that I’m reading all of these (read them all again just a moment ago) and – as usual – simply blown away by the wisdom you are all sharing! I love the various perspectives and viewpoints and just want to thank all of you so much for your wise and well-thought-out sharing of ideas. WOW!
Bruno, in answer to your specific question as to how I’ve been able to recognize my own value within the context of my industry, I think there are several answers:
1. It’s something I’ve very diligently worked on over and over again. Since I don’t believe that anything I teach is particularly original, I’ve had to look for ways to deliver it in a way that is hopefully unique and value-based.
2. I depend on my personal mentors and coaches to provide me with feedback in this regard (the, “what do I offer that is value-based and unique”). As you know, we are so close to our own situation (and subject to our own belief systems) that it is often difficult to know without the help of others.
3. It’s still a work in progress in this regard, and often have to be reminded that I’m either selling myself short or not recognizing my own value. In other words, while I believe I have come far in terms of this topic personally…I still have a long way to go. Fortunately, people such as you and my other readers and clients help me a ton via your always-valuable feedback.
Again, everyone, PLEASE know how thankful I am for your comments and wisdom!!
THANK YOU so much for sharing that personal insight about yourself Bob! You know, from the outside, our perception is that the people we consider to be our heroes and mentors (like I consider you) have all figured it out and they’re going fast and strong… That’s also the case with the over-night success story, that Harvey Mackay often reminds us that “it takes YEARS to become one”.
So, it really is awesome to know that you don’t have ALL figured it out AND that it’s nothing to worry about. If we already knew ALL and if we were already ALL that we can be, we would become bored out of our minds, right? 🙂 That’s why I wanted to thank you for sharing your human side with all of us… it tells a lot about who you are!
Tammy: I loved that! The two points are connected to each other and until we break that self-limiting pattern we can’t tap into our personal power.
That’s also something I’m working on and I’ll dig deeper this weekend.
It’s great to read the insights of everyone… Bob you got a fantastic community of great people here!
Hi Bruno: Thank YOU for your very kind words.
Where you wrote: “If we already knew ALL and if we were already ALL that we can be, we would become bored out of our minds, right? :)”
Bored out of our minds? Actually…I think I could live with that and would certainly consider giving it a try. 😉
Yes Yes and Yes… Always spot on…
Carly: 🙂 Thank you, my friend!
I love this post. I agree and I work with my clients on this. It is something we must all work through. A big part of it is that we have learned or natural talents that we are “used” to so to speak and its easy for us. We don’t realize that it might seem hard for others so we think we aren’t doing much. For many solopreneurs they must remind themselves of the value they provide on a regular basis. Perhaps another part of it is general self worth. When haven’t valued ourselves for who we are it can sometimes be hard to value ourselves for what we do and what we offer. I discuss this with my clients quite a bit and for myself as I grow to each new level of professional development I must go through personal growth to accept and appreciate where I am now so I am able to charge my worth, state my prices confidently and grow my business.
Jessica: Thank you. I love everything you wrote. Right on the mark! Your clients are VERY fortunate to have you working with them!