We’ve previously discussed the importance of Empathy. I’ve always loved Zig Ziglar’s explanation regarding the difference between empathy and sympathy. Briefly, with empathy, while you feel for the other, you are still able to be part of the solution and help. With sympathy, you identify so strongly that you become part of the problem and are not able to help.
I was reminded of another significant difference between the two while re-reading a passage in Tim Sanders‘ excellent book, The Likability Factor. Tim points out a significant difference between the two in terms of focus:
“If you are sympathetic to others, your heart goes out to them and you feel compassion, but these are your feelings. You don’t know what they’re feeling. You’re not trying to know. You’re simply feeling bad that others feel bad (or lonely, or depressed, or angry).
“If you are empathetic to others, however, you are not merely feeling sorry for them but are projecting yourself into their hearts, as though you are sensing what it’s like to be in their shoes.”
As I like to say, Wowee Wow!
In other words, sympathy is about you, while empathy is about them.
So, while sympathy is certainly admirable, it’s not necessarily where the focus should be. If we truly want to provide value to the other person, empathy is much more productive because it means our focus is on them. And, that’s where it should be.
How do you do in the area of empathy versus sympathy? Could Tim‘s wise words serve as a trigger to you in future situations to perhaps shift your focus? I know it will for me.
Enjoy this post? Receive an update when our next post is published by entering your best email address below and clicking Get Updates.
I think I’m getting better with empathy than sympathy. I was introduced to this doing tech support 10 years back and It really didn’t make sense to me until I read Zig Ziglar’s “How To Close The Sale”. Now I know where my focus should be when dealing with people. Thanks for the share Bob!
Sherman
Sherman: Good for you! And, yes, I first learned about that from Zig’s book and audio program that you referred to above. Great teaching, wasn’t it? Just one of the many, many things I’ve learned from Zig. Thanks for sharing with us!
What a great post Bob! I love learning something new everyday. And as YOU know… I do! :O)
Michelle: Thank you. And, it’s great that we can all learn from one another. Thank you, my friend!
Bob,
Thank you, I’ve never heard it said/written this way. I am on the empathy side, always asking questions and trying to understand where ‘they’ are coming from and how ‘they’ feel and what I can do to help them. I use to think everybody was this way……still learning. 🙂
Amy
Amy: Well, YOU are that way. And, I’m sure you influence more people than you even imagine to be that way, as well! As for those who are not, it is important to be aware of that, as well. 🙂
Bob, a while back you spoke about this and helped me to understand the important distinction between the two. Prior to that, I thought I wasn’t able to empathize if I hadn’t experienced something similar. You explained that while perhaps we can’t know exactly how someone is feeling, we CAN acknowledge that they are feeling SOMETHING. If I had a nickel for every time since, I’ve been able to respond empathetically, rather than sympathetically, I’d have……… a boatload of nickels! Thank you sir!
Thank you Bob. The Likeability Factor is an excellent book. When we can put ourselves in another person’s shoes, we can begin to feel what they feel. You gain a great appreciation for others and a better understanding of what their needs may be. Empathy is important.
Debra: Indeed, it is. Tim has a lot of wisdom that he so willingly shares with us in his books. And, yes, empathy is important, indeed. Thanks for your thoughts!
Linda: Thank you. You’ll have a lot of nickels before too long. No sweat! 🙂
A great blog Bob. Tne moment you sit in sympathy with a client you are no longer helping them but have climbed into the hole with them. Empathy is a key skill and thanks for raising this subject today.
Jayne: What a great point you make!! Thank you for sharing that with us!