Before we can influence others, we must first be able to influence ourselves that we have something of value to offer. I mean, if *we* wouldn’t listen to us…why would anyone else?
At my live programs, I often bring up the story of my great friend, Amy Wells, owner of The Bridal Salon of San Antonio, Texas. After attending a program she decided to shift one part of her business model — from discounting (an industry norm) to selling at full price — by focusing on the value she could provide to her clients.
“When you sell on price you are a commodity.
When you sell on value you are a resource.”
– Me
As Amy told me during a recent conversation, “first, I had to really understand the value I had to offer them. Once I understood it myself, communicating it to them became easy.”
Wow!
The influence you have on others is a direct result of the influence you first have on yourself.
So, readers and friends…how do you influence yourself regarding the exceptional value you have to offer your prospects, customers and clients?
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My oh My the timing of this is simply perfect. The first sentence did it for me and then it just got better from there. I can see the roadblock I have been searching for in my path. Or searching to name anyway. Keeping the confidence, the knowing beyond knowing, the personal power in the message of ‘influencing self first’ is my key today. Knowing what I do matters and is of good value starts with me.
Thank you Bob!
Bob,
How I influence my self took a turn when I met you, and then read the book by you and John David Mann, “It’s Not About You.” Back in the day of my early sales training, I learned a different set of parameters with selling. It’s been a shift in changing my perception that it’s not about me. This year my focus of influence is GIVING tremendous value. Reminding my self daily that this is my objective, influences every decision I make. I feel so blessed and grateful that I met you at the right place, at the right time. Your influence has made a difference, with influencing myself.
Agi, what a tremendous and terrific compliment. Please know how much I appreciate that. Be assured your kind words mean a LOT to me. Thank you!
This is such a valuable post for us all! The first line is so important! Too often folks believe that they “are not enough.” The truth is, regardless of who we are and where we come from, we all have enough, know enough and are talented enough to reach incredible heights in any endeavor. However, without valuing who we are in the moment, we will never be able to be a person of value to another. Bob, thanks for stimulating some awesome thoughts and reflections today!
Thank YOU, John, and thank you for sharing your excellent thoughts and wisdom with us. I believe that what you said is absolutely right on target. Thank you, my friend.
Tammy, thank YOU. What a magnificent response. Thank you for sharing that. And, I know you well enough to know you offer superb value to others. So, yes, I hope you can influence yourself in that regard, first!
Bob,
As Tammy said the timing for me was also perfect because even today I was talking with my wife about this.
In this tough economic times, knowing how valuable you are by how much you can help others be successful is ESSENTIAL for them to make a decision between you or somebody else.
Just like Amy, when you finally discover your unique value offer you will want to share it with the World! And your natural enthusiasm about it will positively influence others!
Thank you Bob for sharing this with us!
Bruno, the huge amount of wisdom you have at your young age continues to amaze me, my friend. Thank you for sharing with us!
In addition to “value”, the keyword for this post seems to be “timing” and I must concur. I just re-branded, and though I shook in my virtual boots with all the trepidations rooted in big changes, the timing was right. And indeed, it was the additional value I came to realize I was bringing to my coaching clients through a kind of “second sight” that evolved for me in the past 3 years or so, that gave me the courage to make a total transformation, and I don’t mean in phases, I jumped into the pool, both feet first. Once the added value became crystal clear to me it was time to shout it out to the world with fun, ease, and grace.
It’s magical when the Inflluencer become the Influencee:)
WOW, Ali, what a powerful post, and powerful lesson you shared with us, and taught us. Congratulations on your decision and the guts and wisdom you displayed!
A wise man recently told me “leading from where you are by “being” the right person is generally a step in the right direction.”
This message has come across at Perfect timing for me as well! In a new job with new challenges I want to step into my shoes with all my being of authenticity and honesty! I have no desire to compromise my values or morals but instead become respected for the woman I am and the inner strength of knowing the difference between what serves others and what compromises trust.
The value that I want to add to others is building a relationship based on trust, respect, honesty and love.
Thank you Bob for coming through with such great timing : )
Allyson, thank YOU. Wow, what a beautiful letter. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, feelings and wisdom with us. I’m wishing you the very best of success in this situation. I have no doubt it is an experience that will help you become an even greater leader than you even are now and that you will touch the lives of many others along the way. Thank you again!
Hello Bob,
Thank you for acknowledging our mutual friend Amy Wells and thank you for posing the question.
I influence myself by being a continuous learner. One of the many ways I learn is to ask questions….not just any questions….I look for people who appear to have the leadership qualities I admire and I ask them questions…I interview them. I listen not only to what they say I also listen for the motivation that fuels their words. I call it listening for who they are being. I love learning from people and I believe it adds value to people to acknowledge them for what I admire and then ask who their key influencers are. That is how I have begun to follow you. Amy Wells quotes you regularly and credits her growth to what she has learned from you. Bob your desire to make a difference for people is remarkable. Thank you for being a key influencer. I am attending an event today and I will be asking people how they influence themselves to add exceptional value and I will share this link with them. Who is one of your key influencers when you were growing up?
Trish, thank you so much for your very kind words, and for the excellent lesson you shared with us. I love what you are doing and how you are learning and teaching others. In answer to your question to me at the very end, I’ve been honored to have many wise and key influencers throughout my life from whom I have learned much. However, none so wise and wonderful as my Parents. I had the blessing of growing up in a very loving marriage of two very heart and value-focused individuals who adored one another, as well as their children.
It took a lot of experience to learn and get good at what I do. Funny thing is that after a while, we forget how hard it was to get to that point. It seems “easy” to us and looks easy to people who see us do it. But they still value the particular thing that we do – especially if it’s hard for them – while we might think of it the same way we do our other habits. Just something we “do.”
For me, then, it becomes an issue of SEEING. I see things that other people do that is easy for *them* which I value greatly which they probably think is “no big deal.” Then I switch roles and see what *I* do from their perspective.
It helps me understand how I create great value by doing something that looks “easy” and also making it easier for other people to do.
Beth, thank you. That is very wise and, indeed, I should have mentioned that in the actual post (will perhaps follow-up on your idea with another post and, of course, credit you and your wisdom). Often, we simply are not aware that the value we provide IS of great value; that it is something that others don’t have only because we have practiced our craft and honed our skills for so long. The thought, “oh, anyone else can do that” isn’t necessarily true at all and – as you said – we first must SEE that. Your thoughts were another WOW. Appreciate you sharing!
I think simply recognizing our own value is the first step. I often find that a sense of worthiness is the biggest thing that gets in the way for most folks 🙂
Once we see our value, and our worthiness, we can better influence others because we are more confident and more willing to put ourselves “out there” (IMHO:)
Beth,
You touched a very interesting point!
It IS an issue of seeing. We see the World through our own very unique “experience” lens. It’s the same trap that expert magicians make us fall.
For instance, the Amazing Derren Brown, started his career practicing his magician skills at a restaurant. He would approach customers at a table with a card in his hand and would ask a lady:
“What’s your favorite card?”
If she said “The Queen of Hearts” he would turn his card and give her the Queen of Hearts.
For that person this experience would be close to a miracle. Why is that? Not only because that person wanted to believe that IT IS possible for Derren to do such things, but also because she is seeing that experience through her own unique and limited view of the World.
For instance, she might not be aware that Derren tried that trick with EVERY other table in the restaurant and failed! Of course that when someone replied “The Ace of Spades”, Derren just casually inserts the card inside his deck of cards and asked: “So, do you want to see a card trick with the Ace of Spades?”. Again, that person wasn’t aware that the card that he was initially holding was relevant at all.
Points to remember: Successful people aren’t magicians. The only special thing about them is that they practice and do the simple principles of Success EVERYDAY. This means that YOU and ME are no different than them! Just like the latest Ziglar’s book, promoted by Bob, says: “We are born winners. But to be a winner we must plan and prepare to win. Only then we can expect to win!”.
I’m sure with the community that Bob is gathering here, every single one of us, is becoming more prepared to win with every post and every comment.
HeatherO, I believe you are right on the mark. It really does begin with how we see ourselves first, doesn’t it? Thank you for sharing!
I’m so very much loving these responses!
I am, as well, Amy. Thank you so much for being the inspiration for this post! You continue to teach us!
Another great post, Bob! If we don’t value ourselves, how are other supposed to?
Wow, what a great post andwhat an amazing collection of comments! I feel so lucky to have, and to be a part of this community!
I totally agree with Beth…it’s so easy to take for granted the skill/value/knowledge we have spent years cultivating and perfecting…because, well, after all that hard work, it very possibly IS easy for us. And so it becomes easy to lose sight of the tremendous value we have to offer…and when we lose sight or forget the impact this value can have for the person who hasn’t spent years honing it, it becomes easy to (wow, lots of easy’s flying around!) undercharge (through under appreciating our own value).
As for influencing myself, a daily ritual of immersing myself in books, cd’s, twitter and Facebook content that empowers, challenges, stretches, reminds, and builds my skills/consciousness/awareness/mindset to be the best version of myself I can be is my golden ticket. When I truly grasped the power and impact of the people I surrounded myself with, to either push me to great heights, or to keep me mired in small thinking and subsequently small living, I decided I would only surround myself with the best. Even if it is only through social media, the impact of surrounding yourself with greatness at all times makes it very difficult to accept less for yourself. I mean how would I feel if I let Bob Burg down?!?! 🙂 As funny as that might sound, I think about that, and it inspires me to be greater than I was yesterday.
I don’t think I can stress the value of surrounding yourself with greatness at all times!
Also, something I like to think about when dealing with clients, pricing and value is, whatever my price is (and in my line of work I’m pretty pricey…almost double the price of most of my competitors), I want my client to feel like they just got the deal of their lives. This way of viewing pricing and value has been SO helpful for me…because basically, as long as I’m providing the value, and as long as my client feels like they got the deal of their life, the sky is the limit for actual pricing.
Thanks to all of you for the great stuff today!
-Sean
Thank you Dalai. You make a great point!
Sean, thank you. We are lucky to YOU as a part of this community. Thank you for your kind comments (and you *never* have to worry about letting me down, my friend). And, thank you for sharing some awesome wisdom and suggestions with us. I agree, today is an especially prolific day in terms of great discussion and sharing!
Bob , what a great lines … people sometimes does not understand that just for listening to what other people says and understanding their needs and their feeling , we are influencing then to take the best desicion for them …
Thank you, Silvia. Great point. And thank you for joining our conversation!
@Sean
Reading your comment was like reading something that I could have written myself. In fact, I’m planning to record a video where I show how I use Twitter to surround myself with Successful people that show me not only what to do but also what to be!
Where can we find you on Twitter?
I always tell people, “Until you value who you are and what you have to offer, you can’t expect anyone else too”.
This is an unfortunate struggle that many people, especially myself, battle every day. Thanks for tackling it.
Chris, thank you for your comment. I think it’s something we *all* battle with from time-to-time.
Chris, you are right on!!!
I think the key is that you are delivering way more value than you are asking for in return. Make this true and believe it. Then discounting is diminishing the value you can deliver (at least over the long term). Clients lose long term. This is not in their or your interest. Now it is about them.
Believe in yourself. Don’t discount it but make sure it is real.
Great post and comments. Amy, awesome.
Great thoughts, Doug. Thank you.
How beautifully put. I think that helping people find and be able to explain what value they offer is one of the biggest gifts we can give someone. And yes if we don’t know our own value then what chance have we to help anyone else?
Hey Bob I was browsing in my local bookstore in Ipswich, UK the other day and saw your awesome little ‘Go Givers Sell More’ sitting on the shelf. Thought you might like to know that. 🙂
Thank you, Rachel. Terrific point. Whenever we can help someone to understand their value we are helping them impact both themselves and those to whom they ultimately provide that value. And, as you know, sometimes it’s easier for another to see one’s value than it is for that person themself. Great advice. And, thank you for letting me know about the book you saw in the UK. Very cool, indeed!
This is classic buy vs. sell.
People buy value you don’t have to sell it!
Hi Peter, thank you for joining our conversation and for your comment. I believe I know what you mean; the only thing with which I’d take respectful issue is the word “sell.” I do believe value must be communicated (i.e., “sold”) at least the first time) 🙂 When I think of the word, “sell” I see it in a very benevolent context…simply communicating to your prospect the value and benefits they will derive through doing business with you. Still, I’m pretty sure I know what you mean…and I agree 🙂
Bob, I see your point and totally agree. In my world the concept of communicating the value is not selling. We always approach the initial contact as an opportunity to gather data and understand issues. We use anecdotes and informed opinion to demonstrate thought leadership. More often than not, this leads to clients wanting to buy. If that is “selling” in your world we are completely aligned! Interestingly, we never talk about price. The commercial discussions are usually about ROI and how to ensure we fit an OPEX model rather than CAPEX.
Peter
Hi Peter. Yes, as I suspected, we are simply defining the same word differently. Appreciate your thoughtful response. Thank you again.
What a great lesson! This is one of my biggest challenges, especially when I am new at doing something. I don’t feel confident enough to charge certain prices because I don’t believe in my abilities as much as I should. I am learning though and getting better. 🙂
Oh I forgot to mention Amy is so awesome I would have gone to SA from Phoenix to buy my wedding dress just to work with Amy.
Thank you Christie.
And I believe in your abilities. When Bob guided me to defining the value I offer, my world changed.
I’m taking to heart, ALL of these comments and I’m learning so much.
Thank you, Christie. Great lesson here. All who know you know that you offer SO MUCH VALUE in EVERYTHING you do. The paradox is that, sometimes, those who provide the most value, because they always strive to do more, question the very excellent value they provide. What an excellent lesson for us all to consider. Meanwhile, just keep doing what you do, because your focus is always on value. And, yes, Amy totally rocks. The good news is that in about 20 years you can by two wedding dresses from Amy for your gorgeous girls. 🙂
Thank YOU both Bob and Amy!! It is wonderful people like the two of you that help me be better 🙂
OMG – great idea Bob!!!
I influence myself by sharing whats in my heart and what I believe in. Earlier I easily tried to write and share things I thought other people would like to hear, but now it´s right from my heart :).
Great, Jeanette; thank you for sharing that with us!
I have loved watching this story unfold. BRAVO Amy! Thank you for sharing Bob.
Thank you Dondi. We should talk more than once a year.:-) Also I misread what you wrote….I thought you were thanking me for sharing Bob. Baha He is My Bob after all. I like seeing your avatar. 🙂
Dondi and Amy…the two of you see each other only once per year? I have this idea in my head that the two of you, along with Michele Gordon are always seeing each other at different events in S.A. 🙂
Only ever spent about one hour with her. 🙂 I’m not complaining though, because she talked a lot that hour. I liked it. Also, heard her speak one and loved it.
I do talk with Michelle often. 🙂