By and large, people are “reactive.” They will often react unthinkingly to the circumstances and situations with which they are presented. This includes adults, children and babies.
Example: A two-year old falls down unexpectedly. He looks at Mom and Dad for an interpretation of what happened. If they laugh as though it’s funny, he’ll probably laugh. If Mom and Dad become panicky and upset, he will most likely begin to cry.
Adults are much the same. Notice this the next time you cross paths with a stranger. If you smile, they’ll usually smile. If you say hello, they’ll usually say hello. The opposite is also true. Usually, we can influence another’s response by controlling the stimulus; our action. This is also known as setting the frame: the context from which everything else originates.
You have the power to set positive frames from which others — in all situations, both business and personal — can feel good about themselves and feel good about you. If not part of your usual mode of operation, it takes a bit of work to get used to doing this; initiating the frame. Because it does, most people won’t do it. Those who do, have a decided advantage as they make their way through life.
Reach out with a pleasant countenance, a genuine smile on your face, and a friendly hello. Assume this person, if given the chance, would like to respond positively to that kind of attitude. The chances are they would, and they will. It’s up to you though. The “Positive Persuader” doesn’t wait for the other person to set the frame. Instead, they take the initiative and everyone comes out a winner.
Is this something you have found to work for you? If you haven’t been doing this, is it something you feel would be worth the effort.
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The title of today’s post caught my eye and the message delivered! Positive frames – like a screen play, frame by frame. Love the idea of setting the stage for a positive interaction by being intentional with my frames. In this way, perhaps we are all stage and set “producers”?
Mother Teresa would have loved this post. Her advice fits nicely here. “The first sign of peace is a smile.”
Thank you Bob!
Wow – Dondi, your commentary was a much more powerful lesson than the actual post (and I do LOVE when that happens!)! What a great thought, that we frame it from the beginning, AND throughout. As such, we really are our the stage and set “producers” for our own “movie.” And, yes, what an awesome quote from Mother Teresa. 🙂
What I love is how these posts generating such thought and comment. You always have us thinking – you intentionally set the stage each day for growth and I appreciate you so much.
Likewise, dear friend!! Likewise!!
A HUGE piece of advice – presented with truth and clarity, Thank Bob 🙂
Reggie, thank you for your very kind words!
As always, great advice and a timely reminder on the importance of setting the frame. I actually do this on paper before I have a potentially difficult conversation. The trigger for me to do this is when I notice myself envisioning the conversation going horribly wrong. At that point I (hopefully) stop and notice that I am setting the stage (or frame) for exactly what I do NOT want. I’ll take just a few minutes to journal about the conversation going the way I’d like it to go, keeping the desired end result in mind. Doing this doesn’t guarantee a positive outcome, but it certainly improves my odds. Thanks Bob 🙂
Excellent idea, Linda. When you have the time to do that and you know (or suspect) you are about to face a situation that needs a good frame, doing what you suggest is terrific. WOW – what a great idea!!
Loved it Bob! 🙂
Sometimes it’s easy to forget that we can control our altitude with our attitude 😉 [Ziglar].
Your post reminded me of a special kind of neurons called: mirror-neurons. “When you see someone smile, for example, your mirror neurons for smiling fire up, too, creating a sensation in your own mind of the feeling associated with smiling.” (source: http://www.sfn.org/index.aspx?pagename=brainbriefings_mirrorneurons)
That’s why this is so important when establishing rapport and, as you said, in positive persuasion.
I always look forward for your next piece, and it’s posts like this that explains why.
Thank you!
Thank you, Bruno. And great teaching on your part, my friend. Those are all very important things to know and to keep in mind. And thank you for your very kind words!
Celebrating this post, which valuable advise, has crown a year almost ending.
Setting positive frames helped me “HUGE” on managing with critical circumstances and a dificult boss on my last job, and I remember now that this took from me a lot of courage, it was worthy.
Bob, GRACIAS, as Dondi said you set the stage for growth, and I couldn’t be more agree.
YOU are admirable, and I bet Mother Theresa would say so too. 🙂
Un abrazo!
Maria
PS
-Dondi I love your wise comment, I have loved to meet you too!! 🙂
-Bob, maybe sometime we could possibly have your posts in spanish!
Ahhh, muchas, muchas gracias, Maria. Tengo mucho appreciacion para su friendship. Es un honor y placer a conocer usted.
Igualmente Bob!!
What a great post Bob, it’s great lesson that make me remember what my first mentor told me once: ” when you expect the best, you give the best” …if we keep this attutide of setting positive frame we will turn around everything in our lives!!! THANK YOU MR BURG
Thank YOU, Dr. Julio (please call me Bob) :-). I greatly appreciate your note, and the teaching from you and your first mentor. Very true/Que verdad!
Bob,
Great post as usual. Reminds of me of victim/responsible. We have a choice to view situations as a victim or as responsible for our being in the situation. It is all how we frame it as you so aptly put it.
Thank you, Michael. Yes, if we don’t proactively set the frame, it might not go as we’d like. Then, we can either feel like a victim, or use what happened as incentive to be more proactive next time. Thanks!
Thanks Bob. Love this. I talk about the power of the smile a lot. Such a simple thing to do. Its all about practice. Just Do it. It does work. If nothing else, it keeps them guessing, right ? Why is this guy smiling all the time ? Ha. Shawn Achor writes about the mirror neurons in our brain in “The Happiness Advantage” and how what you say here, really does happen. I liken it to follow the leader. When people see you smile, most of the time they will smile back. If you set the frame to be positive, there is a good chance it will stay positive. Creating that positve energy with a smile is very powerful. Thanks Bob. Always great advice.
Al
No mr Burg anymore…thank you, call me just Julio!!!! 🙂
Thank you, Al. I appreciate your kind feedback and sharing your wisdom with us!
Thank you, Julio!
Great post Bob! I have started doing this more and I can see the great responses from people, especially someone who wasn’t expecting it and they really appreciate the kindness. I have seen you do this often. In Dunkin Donuts, at an event, at people in a parking lot, you always smile and say hi. You are really good at greeting every one you pass and are, in my opinion, a great example to those of us mentored by you 🙂
WOW – thank you so much Christie. YOU just put a big smile on my face. Thank you for setting the frame for me, my friend!!
Awww..schucks! It was my pleasure 🙂
Great topic, Bob. You always come up with the good stuff to get us thinking! And good comments by all.
I do practice this now, but I was a shy kid and an introverted adult. You’d never know it now and that’s all thanks to what you describe as positive frames. I used to go into situations like meetings or events worrying ‘Will I feel awkward?’ Now I go in thinking, ‘Who can I put at ease?’ It’s amazing how much more enjoyable it is to be around people when you think about putting them first, when you smile and set a positive tone right off.
Thank you, Kim. What a terrific lesson you taught with the words, “I used to go into situations like meetings or events worrying ‘Will I feel awkward?’ Now I go in thinking, ‘Who can I put at ease?’” You shifted your focus and opened up a whole new world. Awesome, Kim. Thanks for sharing!
Happy New Year! Love your thoughts!
Tufail, thank you. And a very Happy and Prosperous New Year to you and yours, as well!
Dear Bob,
Happy New Year to you and to all the lovely poeple who share a lot of knowledge and wisdom in your Blog!
‘Setting Those Positive Frames” and the excellent learning takeaways therein prompt me to share the title of the book, ‘How Full Is Your Bucket? – Positive Strategies for Work and Life’ by Tom Rath and Donald O. Clifton. ‘The Theory of the Dipper and the Bucket’ has been articulated really well in this book.
Thanks and regards,
Geetha
Thank you, Geetha. While I have not yet had the pleasure of reading that book, I’ve heard it is terrific!