In a recent post, Dr. Ivan Misner, Founder of BNI wrote the following:
“In this day of technology, our younger generation understands all the social media and how to communicate through texting, email, instant messaging, and Facebook. We, the slightly older generation, need them to help us wade through it.”
He then asked the following question, which I felt was extremely profound and thought-provoking:
“But does the younger generation really understand the importance of creating face-to-face personal relationships?”
I believe the term for this is “IRL” which stands for “in real life.” (I’m so hip) 😉
In his article, he went on to relate a terrific story about a woman’s then 12-year-old daughter who absolutely does understand this. Of course, she was brought up with constant exposure to the positivity and professional networking of BNI.
Most children, however, do not have that advantage. And, their communication skills are often limited to 140 characters with abbreviated words and “emoticon-type”…emotions.
Not having children, I must admit I hadn’t previously given this too much thought. Based on the comments Dr. Misner received, however, many people realize this is a challenge.
What do you think about this? Are children of the Computer Age growing up without learning actual IRL people skills? After all, they do go to school and participate in extra-curricular activities such as athletics. But, they also spend inordinate amounts of time on the computer and on their Smartphones texting one another. Will this hurt their ability to communicate in both personal and business relationships, as they get older?
And, if this is a challenge that we need to face up to, what do you see as a helpful solution?
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{Note: Later today I head to Chicago for my last public event of the year. I’ll be back online Friday. Tomorrow, I’ve scheduled a posting of a brief interview with the amazing, Harvey Mackay, where he shares some hard-hitting wisdom from his brand new book, The Mackay MBA Of Selling In The Real World. I believe you’ll want to listen to this one, as Harvey shares some info that is…Primo Harvey! (That means it’s reallllly goooood!) 🙂
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Bob – this is a question I’ve considered many times. My kids (both in high school) text to find out about youth group meeting times, homework, you name it. It actually seems odd to me now when they actually talk to someone on the phone! And I’ve learned not to suggest actually calling to get the answer.
As long as school exists as it does now, the kids are getting a good introduction to networking. I too worry if all the time they spend using technology and social media to communicate leads to the same result as playing catch with the kid next door.
Yes, Bob, I do believe that this generation has shorted the next one in the way of communication IRL. This has been a topic of discussion in BNI for a couple of years now. As with all broad sweeping statements it holds true for many, but of course not for all. My point has been that BNI is even MORE relevant than ever, and by virtue of it’s training component BNI can make a significant difference in the lives of the next generation(s) by what we do so well already – training people how to communicate their businesses to each other, face-to-face. Social media is fantastic, but at some point most of us need to come out of our caves and actually talk with someone else in order to succeed. People like you and Dr. Misner are the leaders and teachers who can and will make sure that the people you touch have the knowledge and understanding of how to be successful, not only online, but in person.
Thanks again for a great conversations starter!!
As a father of four aged 6, 8, 13, and 16, I can tell you that yes they do have the skills necessary to network IRL. Most of them anyway.
Kids learn and model their parents first. That’s where they pick up their most critical conversation skills. They have the fundamentals in place before they are affected by peers. My kids are very tech savvy but they also understand how to speak to people face to face. We encourage this regularly.
I do think that the art of conversation is being slowly lost in people in general, not just kids. Tools that force us to be brief and succinct have also cost us the ability to elaborate. This is a double edged sword.
Beth and Chris, thank you for your thoughts and feedback…and great points. Appreciate ya’ both!
I agree, @Chris. Parents – and I think schools – need to consider how things are changing and make sure that kids are prepared and grow up with interpersonal communication skills as well as internet communication skills.
Good communication can have the same fundamentals its always had: understand the differences in communication platforms and the appropriate use of each. This isn’t anything new; we’ve just added a few more methods of communication into the mix.
For example:
tell mom that dad died: in person
tell mom you’re at the store: text
show mom etc your new dress: facebook
tell mom that dad lied about cleaning out the garage: keep that to yourself
I see kids emotionally disconnecting from IRL situations, and at one given point or another, the emotional disconnect needs to be addressed by both, parents/guardians and the school system and a caring but watchful eye needs to be kept by the surrounding adults. Bi-monthly workshops on IRL communication skills would probably be a winning solution, among many others.
There’s much to be said and understood, that 140 characters cannot possibly cover.
LOVE this topic!
Thanks for sharing Dr. Misner’s post and your thoughts!
I have a 9 yr old son named John who is the only one among his friends who doesn’t have a cell phone:) I’m holding out as long as possible because his friends do far too much texting! I’m one of the only mom’s without dvd player in the car (also happily don’t own a mini-van! lol). John recently asked me if he could have a facebook account! Really?!! NO NO NO!
The blessing during the recent power loss in the Northeast that we just experienced for several days was the quality tv-less, xbox-less, computer-less family time that we enjoyed together!
Proper manners, engaging conversation, and eye-contact lessons are on-going…. It never gets old for me!
Thanks again, Bob.
My girls are young but I can see how it is important to balance time with technology and time with people. I try every day to set an example of how important it is to get to know people and meet friends, like at recess or on the play ground at school. Hopefully this will successfully translate into good interpersonal skills. Great blog!
We’ve tried (unsuccessfully) to keep our 3 y.o. away from the technology. Yet, he can play Angry Birds with the best of them. We rehearse introductions at the playground, emphasize the importance of eye contact and knowing a person’s name. Some parents to this, others do not.
I often wonder about the long term impact of 140 characters…but I think in reality, the whole generation will be growing up with the same experience. Our “IRL” will not be theirs. So, perhaps they won’t be prepared to function the way we expect, but will we be able to function the way they expect?
Hey Bob –
After being involved as a Boy Scout leader for over 10 years with my 3 boys (now all grown), I realized some of the IRL genius of the Boy Scout structure. To make it to Eagle Scout, a young man has to do a lot of things, including earn 21 merit badges.
To earn a merit badge, the Scout has to 1) learn a skill and the requirements for that badge, 2) make an appointment with an adult Merit Badge Counselor (ie make a cold call on an adult), 3) demonstrate to the counselor that they are qualified to be approved for the badge (make the sale).
By the time a young man reaches Eagle Scout, they have made at least 21 cold calls and can confidently stand before an adult to make a case that they are competent in that subject or skill area. Many of the young men I was honored to work with in our Scout Troop have used their scout-learned IRL skills in ways I could not have imagined.
Miss seeing you at Dunkin’ Donuts Bob. Sorry my early morning commitment in WPB is keeping me away. Look forward to catching up soon. Fly safe.
– Pete
This is an interesting post indeed! Here in Central Florida, our middle schools are using texting as part of their curriculum. They decided to get the kids to use their phones to participate in class instead of hiding them and pretending to be participating. At the beginning of the school year, our oldest (15) didn’t have a cell phone as we were, as Mary mentioned, holding out as long as possible and also waiting for a sign of maturity to take care of it. On registration night, both his math and English teachers informed me that he would need a phone for texting as part of the class. Things are a changin’… whether we want it to or not. Communcation IRL is an artform. My daughter’s (5) response to her Dad texting the other night about a friend was “But Daddy, how can tell if he needs a hug?” Out of the mouths of babes. Both my children have been ‘making new friends’ (we use that instead of networking in our house) since they were little…my daughter has been attending meetings since she was 9 months and has her own business card. Again, I’m with Mary…it never gets old for me.
Great post as always, and great perspectives! Thank you!
Bob have you heard about COPPA? It’s a children’s online protection policy act. Daynah Boyd has posted some great insights into a lot of the issues around children lying to be on social networking sites early. Check it out here: http://www.zephoria.org/thoughts/archives/2011/11/01/parents-survey-coppa.html
Hi All…truly enjoyed your feedback and – as always – learned so much from you. Been traveling most of the day so please pardon my not responding to you individually. But, please know I read every comment and enjoyed immensely. Leigh, I think your daughter’s line could become a classic! 🙂