An extremely popular blogger and thought-leader whose name will be withheld recently tweeted the following:
“What do you call a man who professes a fondness for ‘the finer things in life’? Well, he’s certainly no free man, that’s for sure…”
I don’t know the tweeter personally. I tweeted him and respectfully asked: Hi {Name}. Just a question. Why is he not a free man because he has a fondness for it? An *attachment* to it, I could see. Thanks.
Not having received a reply, I don’t know what the tweeter was thinking, nor the context he might have had in mind. I must question though why one having a fondness for nice things; even the finer things, would make one un-free.
The key — in my opinion — is that it’s fine to have a fondness for anything within reason, providing it causes no harm nor infringes on another person’s rights.
Having an attachment to it; that’s another thing. In this case we’re talking about a lack of self-control; even a lack of happiness and/or peace of mind because your emotional well-being is dependent upon something outside of yourself.
But, a fondness for it? That would seem to be more than okay. I have a fondness for First Class over Coach and a chocolate coconut donut over a plain one. But, with all due respect to the tweeter, I don’t believe that makes me less than free. I’m not an emotional slave to either.
So, does a fondness for the finer things make one any less free? What say you?
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Bob-
I would call a man that professes a fondness for the finer things in life an enlightened man!! Being a bit snarky with that comment, but, truly, there is no downside to appreciating great art, food, wine, friends and so on. My list of “finer things” includes everything from a beautiful sunset to the awesome cocktail that I favor at my favorite gathering place. And it is subjective. For some the finer things would be an afternoon at Nascar with a best friend.
I appreciate your point about attachment. This does seem to be the pitfall. Although, I will gladly “own” my attachment to my finest friends!
Wonderful way to start the week, thinking about all of the finer things that I treasure!
Best- Jill
Good morning! What a thought-provoking question. Having a *fondness* for certain things has no impact on my *freedom* unless it becomes an attachment or addiction. I have a *fondness* for Godiva chocolate and tchotchkes from Tiffany’s. It is not about having possessions, but whether you are possessed by your possessions. We are so much greater than that.
If I had read the tweet (minus the tweeter’s answer) and answered the question I may have tweeted: “A grateful person who must be doing something right, because the finer things are always accessible to those who appreciate them” And I’d still have 12 characters to spare! 🙂
Hi Bob,
I think that having a fondness for something is what really makes people happy!!
I have a fondness for flamenco, and that is one thing that I wouldn’t exchange for nothing cause that set me free!!
I have a fondness for fine, wise, well educated people too, and this doesn’t un free me at all.
Love this post, thank you!!!!
Pili
While you may not be an emotional slave to first class, I think the emotional attachment to chocolate coconut donuts has been repeatedly demonstrated.
Most probably, the tweeter was re-tweeting something he heard without *thinking* about it or breaking it down. So many people just pass on other people’s thoughts without adding to or dissecting. They want to *sound smart* without making the effort to *be* smart. (Please note my rather clever use of *s in your honor.)
I have a category on my blog called “Stupid Quotes” that I really need to add to. It’s any quote that is thoughtlessly posted, reposted, copied and pasted, re-tweeted by people who don’t even stop to think about the meaning. OY!
Good morning Mr. Burg…I do believe that’s a Buddhist concept. The less one has/owns/acquires, the freer one becomes. No? As always, love your thought provoking posts, my friend.
Hey Bob,
you’re right, some things really do need to be questioned!
For me, what that tells me about the person that tweeted it is they think that a desire for the finer things automatically means enslavement to them. Well that’s simply not true.
Traditionally it may have been more so, but these days there are so many more opportunities to create a healthy income, without selling ones’ soul!
And yes, a fondness doesn’t necessarily mean attachment either.
I LOVE deep tissue full body massages, and until today I hadn’t had one for a few months! But then again, after today, I’ve booked in another one next week, and I expect I’ll be doing the same the week after and the week after that also…
🙂
Gotta’ agree with this one Bob. It is the attachment that takes away the freedom. Attachment and fear of loss create the shackles.
Wouldn’t avoidance of all those things take away some freedom as well?
Agree with you Bob….. Just Fondness doesnt make us un-free…. But being ‘finicky’ certainly makes….. So its just about ‘degree of fondness’ beyond that fondness can become boundation for us. We might miss the real joy in enjoying things and keep looking at finer things….. so its all about where is the limit…. Are we ready to adjust based on situation or we become slave to our choices….
Hi Everyone. As always, I’m loving your responses and learning much from you!! Thank you!!
I agree with you, Bob, on the distinction between fondness and attachment. I suspect, though, that many who profess fondness are actually trying to defend their materialistic attachment. That may have been the tweeter’s point.
There’s really a fine line between owning something and letting it own you. I once met a musician with a very nice suburban home. To pay for it, he spent almost all of his time playing gigs on the road, sleeping in cheap hotels or the back seat of his car on the side of the road.
Hmmm. I agree with everyone’s response, including your insights about attachment, Bob. However, when I looked up ‘fond’ in the dictionary the definitions surprised me.
An older dictionary lists ‘foolish or silly’ and ‘indulgent’ as the meaning. A more modern version is
‘loving; affectionate, excessively tender or overindulgent; cherished with strong or unreasoning feeling.’
Notice that even the newer definition still includes the word ‘overindulgent’. Maybe the quote is ok, but we no longer think of fondness as being overindulgent the way it was looked upon in the past.
I have several things I’m fond of and I cherish them. And they usually lead me in a direction of support for those things (manatees, the arts, wildlife) so I can’t believe that fondness makes me un-free. It frees my heart. And that is neither silly nor overindulgent.
Hi Bob!
I certianly understand your point, as well as that of many above. Many people feel this way and usually quote the Bible “money is the root of all evil” This quote however is incorrect the ACTUAL quote is “the LOVE of money is the root of all evil”. Its all about the focus… do you put People first, then Money, then Things…
The fact is that we need money to live and function today. Money its self is not good or bad… its all about what you’re chasing. I want to take nice vacations, I see them as time to get away and bond with my family. Do you chase after money for the purpose of “showing off” or collecting “things”, perhaps at the cost of spending time with your spouse or kids… its a good opportunity for personal reflection.
At the end… will you say I wish I had more Money or more Time? You can always make more money… each of us only has a limited amount of time, and none of us knows how much time we have left. In the blink of an eye you can lose everything. I only know this… the time I’ve spent with my kids, watching sports games, doing homework, teaching to ride a bike, etc. those moments I treasure & have not regreted once taking the time to do them. Moments I’ve spent with clients that don’t appreciate me or at a job I hated… oh how I wish I could have that time back to spend on my family instead!
🙂 Crystal
Perhaps the tweet worked as intended! It amounts to a “cube grenade” that got tossed into the Webosphere and exploded into a cloud of interesting conversations like this one … My reaction was similar to James Hazlerig’s, above, in that many who profess “fondness” for something are merely making excuses for an attachment … Also, “I have a fondness for the finer things in life” can be a statement of snobbery, whereas “I have a fondness for chocolate” (hear, hear!) is not.
morning Bob
Nice post, definitely thought provoking, Susan is on the right track, and I am sure the buddist adopted the idea, a fondness in those days was equated to acquiring. Now back in those days the finer things in life may have been companionship, family, a home, or other possession that may have made life more pleasurable. Those acquiring those things made it more difficult to be free and move around as you may have wanted. Today you might think of those things as just part of life and not nessasarily the finer things in life.
Today the inner things in life are defined differently. While I ill believe that my wife and family are the finest thing life has to offer. My fondness and love or them does hamper my freedom. For example I can’t run off with my wife for a romantic weekend with out concern for my childrens saft and wellbeing.
To use your examples. I would say the finer things in life are not nessasarily flying first class but owning you own jet. However flying first class requires a ticket that costs more than a coach. Therefor don’t you need to work a little harder, be a little more of a slave to your business to earn more money or points to afford your upgraded ticket.
If your fondness was large home woul you not be a slave to the mortgage payment. Or the upkeep and certainly the taxes.
I always seem to be on the other side of your issue but I appreciate your getting my mind moving after a hard week at work. I am probably a classic example of being a slave to the inner things in life. But I have never had so much fun.
Ps I m not a fan of coconut but LOVE chocolate cream filled donuts
Bob maybe if you had a fondness and were not able to achieve those things you would yearn for change and therefore not be free to live in peace.