Yesterday, the following question was posted on my Facebook page:
“Bob, a friend asked me what I think of the saying, ‘No good deed goes unpunished’. Interesting concept. What is your take on it?”
The saying itself is usually muttered in frustration after doing something genuinely nice and having it come back to hurt or harm you in some way.
It could be directly, as in someone you’ve helped then turning around and stealing from you. Or, it could be something totally circumstantial, such as driving someone to an appointment way out of your way and then getting a flat tire on the way back.
When these type of things happen there is a tendency to erroneously think of it as a matter of “cause and effect.”
Cause = Kind thing I did
Effect = Punishment
There is no indication it is anything more than “life just happens” kind of stuff. And, if one were to track it against all the times they did something good, they would see the percentage of times this happens is less than miniscule.
So, my take regarding why/how this phrase became popular? I think that, more than anything, it has to do with the fact that we as human beings desire to be able to “make sense out of life.”
Let’s face it; it’s very disconcerting to do a good deed and have something negative follow, either directly or indirectly. While this doesn’t usually happen, sometimes, it does. And, it seems to hurt extra because we did something pure and benevolent…and it jes’ ain’t fair!
Why did it happen? Who knows (other than our Creator)? It just did. And, again, because we feel it absolutely should not have, we try and make sense of it by saying something like, “no good deed goes unpunished.”
What do you think? Do I have this right? Am I missing something? Please feel share your thoughts and opinions.
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Very insightful and thought-provoking assessment as usual. You are so right…. we as humans do try to ‘make sense out if life’ and when anything happens that is outside our own understanding, it triggers these canned responses and we sabotage our own self-esteem.
Your post brings to mind the principle of sowing and reaping. If we continually sow good into the lives of others, we ultimately reap good. The challenge is not to live as though the good should come from the individual into whose life we sowed.
Anthony, that is terrific. Great insights and wisdom you shared with us, my friend!
Bob-
You can be counted on to ‘hit the nail on the head’ pretty consistently.
Precisely, the human ‘need to make sense’ sometimes gets us into trouble. We begin to seek blame in our desire to make connections between events that may have no relationship in reality. Causality is not the only connecting principle in our universe. It is, however, the one we seem most readily to ‘understand’ and so we try to force all our experiences into an area where they must be explained in terms of cause and effect. This error you very deftly pointed out. Having done that, the case is pretty much closed.
There are these mysteries.
Thank you.
Wayne
Wow, Wayne, I think YOU hit the nail on the head much better (and more specifically) than I did. Thank you, my friend!
Bob, I had to read what you had to say and you delivered, once again! 🙂 At the end of the day I believe in the power of positive doing. It is that law of reciprocity, you know. And if the good does not come from the origianl receiver (which sometimes may be the case!), it will come from someone else. I think.
Thank you, Aliona, I appreciate you, my friend. (You meant “receptivity” – not “reciprocity”, right? The 5th Law of The Go-Giver, which I think is what you are referencing in the above, is the Law of Receptivity.)
Bob, I believe that many times human nature tends to look more for the negative effects of life than the positive effects of life. This is perpetuated in today’s media. I agree with you that we humans most always want an answer to WHY. And we with our human limitations are not always given an answer that makes sense. I agree with Wayne in that we seek to “make sense”. It reminds me of Pascal’s Pensées thoughts…”the human quest for a happy life, the greatness and wretchedness of the human condition, the nature of faith, the hiddenness of God, and the cogency of a religious worldview constitute a philosophical bequest capable of changing people’s lives.”
There are many great mysteries in life. Yes, negative effects do happen. But I don’t believe we should dwell on them. Perhaps we should look at what good can come out of it. I believe if we can help ourselves and others to focus on the positive effects of life, the world will be a better place.
Thank you.
Cheryl
Terrific and very thoughtful comments, Cheryl. Thank you for taking the time to share with us!
Overall great comments , learning much from you all …
I don’t think that with good comes bad , unfortunately our Creator will only fork out what can be handled .. If the general pop would stay focused on the positive things in life, many would let the negative fly right by ..
Starting this personal development journey and self help , i see your blogs very helpful Bob.
Love to read up on comments , even better when others nail it on the spot more my new mind to understand a bit better …
Great post Bob , & thank you Wayne and Cheryl
Mike
Mike, thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. I believe this is your first time. Welcome to our discussion!
A good deed is one done from the heart. Many many times I have heard people utter this saying after doing a good deed that was not from the heart or selfless but rather with expectation for themselves in some way. It is after that expectation is not fulfilled or is rejected that they feel betrayed in some way. Ironically, it is they who betray themselves in having an ulterior motive for the deed to begin with, can’t deal with it, and have to put the blame somewhere else.
Interesting post, Bob! I think we all face situations like that some point and time. It reminds me of when I was a kid. It seems as though we do things out of kindness and do not anticipate that something good or bad will happen. You just operate in that mentality to do good and improve the way of life for yourself and others. Who knows…there may or may not be a link to doing something good and having a negative result. The important thing here is to focus on the good deed. Hope this help and keep us the incredible work!!
Hi Chi Chi, great thoughts and suggestions, my friend! And, love what you said about the focus!
Love this post even though, believe it or not, I have never heard the phrase “no good deed goes unpunished”. Maybe that’s a good thing?
My thoughts on this are pretty simple and serve me well, although I did not always operate this way. In fact, I lived most of my life wanting, in fact NEEDING to know why. Why? Why? Why? Over the years, I’ve adopted the “it’s ALL good!” philosophy, which allows me to look for this good when it isn’t obvious. I’ll admit, it’s a challenge sometimes, but if I look for the good, I can usually find it.
I really like your answer of it’s the “life just happens kind of stuff”, because if we say that to ourselves when something unwanted occurs (especially if preceded by a good deed) then we can move past it, rather than staying stuck in the “why?”
Regarding the example of getting a flat tire after driving someone somewhere out of our way. I like to think (because it makes me feel better) maybe the flat tire was an intervention to keep me safe, or give me a gift I would have otherwise missed. Perhaps without the flat tire, I would have been driving merrily on my way and BAM! A fender-bender, or worse. Or perhaps it served me better to be detained with repairing the flat, so the next thing on my agenda could occur, not according to MY timetable, but God’s? I’ve found that God’s timing is always pretty impeccable.
Here’s what I really love about your blog posts: in addition to the valuable content you share, they encourage and inspire me to THINK and I appreciate you for that and many, many other things.
Hi Linda, I love your thoughts on this. I certainly agree with all of them (probably one reason I love them) :-). Your third paragraph regarding the example, I’m like you in that I figure there is probably a much higher purpose G-d has and that – with my limited human understanding I just don’t know what it is. And, sometimes it is a challenge to stay conscious of that in the moment…and that is part of growth, which is why it’s a challenge. Thank you again, my friend. Always insightful comments you share with us!
I just like Linda, also look for the good in every thing that happens to me. I was in a situation just last week when I was held up when leaving for an appointment and when I got on the highway there was a huge crash. That could have been me if not for the delay. I believe that I’m always at the right place, precisely at the right time. If we keep our focus on the good, we can easily pass through the challenges that may pop up in life.
Great way to look at it, Mari. While my heart and prayers goes out to those involved in the crash and their loved ones, I’m very relieved that you were spared from that. Thank you for sharing with us Mari!
Interesting discussion, Bob! This has my mind spinning in several directions. Mostly around how we do long for things to make sense. And there are plenty of opportunities in life for things to NOT make sense. This is where our faith, hope, and charity come into play. Faith in what we believe. Hope in that it is all good. And Charity in the kindness we show to ourselves and to others.
I have heard that saying, No good deed goes unpunished and I remember hearing it from relatives when I was a young girl. It is one of those sayings that you hear over and over until it becomes a part of “what is true” before you are able to understand it for yourself and decide if it is really true for you.
There are times when I am disappointed in an outcome and will hear that saying in my head – it is in that moment (if one can stay in the moment) that I hear Byron Katie’s words “IS IT TRUE?” If I cannot answer YES, then it must not be true.
So what is true? I’m feeling sorry for myself. Why am I feeling this way? Expectations are usually responsible for disappointment. So then the question becomes, “Did I give to get … or did I give to give?” And that usually solves the issue. I can laugh with myself and remember in that moment who I truly am.
I can only control my half of any expectation and that is the easiest way to make sense of anything. It really is all just one big mystery! Thanks for getting the wheels turning in my mind so early in the day!
I think that’s part of lack and limitation programming. If you have worthiness issues — as so many people do — then you look for excuses to validate when things don’t go your way. In my case, it made me feel noble to think I was always the innocent victim, fighting the forces of evil. But to truly manifest prosperity, we have to move from a victim to a victor mindset. So we have to lose “confirmation bias” looking for evidence of lack and look for the much more abundant examples of prosperity.
-RG
I had forgotten about that phrase! Prime example happened to me at Mother’s Day. My mother-in-law criticized the card I sent her because it wasn’t a ‘Hallmark’. Mine was “cheesy”. I kid you not – true conversation. What is the other phrase “A prophet is not without honor save in his own country?” Either one are phrases that help us explain the “quirks” in other people that bring some “not so much joy” into our life! Oh well, another phrase ‘heap coals of fire on his head’ comes to mind as well =)
Yep. Making sense of life… not a saying I’ve heard often, but a good description.
I love that your message gets so many to thinking and then the variety of thougths that come from it. The spark that drives individuals into giving of their deepest thoughts so many get to receive so much from the comments that impact could happen now and it could happen down the road, when the need presents itself. A lot of Go-Giving going on, as I like to say a go-givertude! You hit it on the head, there are some things we may have a tendecy to overthink or overanalyze (interesting the word anal is in there) and so perhaps we start to believe things happen more than they really do. I personally am not will to give up on doing good deeds and the impact they have on others (putting the interest of others ahead of your own) and worrying if they will back fire on me. If they do so be, have they yes and so be it. The benefit is greater than the punishment could ever be. Thank you Bob for the spark!
My apologies for not answering the later comments personally. Reading through them, I’m grateful for the wisdom you’ve shared with us. Thank you!
Hi Bob,
I love your style and your posts. I do not comment often, but this particular post struck a cord. In fact, I just mentioned to a bunch of people that I am punished often for helping others (half joking, half not).
Because I have been in sports most of my career, folks have a tendency to ask me for favors in the sports arena ~ tickets, autographs, etc. Last week I had about six requests just to give you a little sampling. 5 were doable, one was outrageous (“can you get Tom Brady to attend my daughters birthday party”). Out of the 5, 3 were ticket requests, 2 of which fell right into the category you write about. I was able to get tickets to the events requested for all three.
One person’s response was, “what you couldn’t get me any closer?” ~ he was serious and when I tell you they were great seats to a completely sold out event, I’m not exaggerating. The other was even more precious. I called in a huge favor to get impossible tickets to an event, paid for the tickets and when I told the person the cost she said, “oh, I have to pay for them, I don’t want them then…” I would love to tell you these are isolated incidents, they are not.
So, I will tell you first hand, at times, good deeds do come with punishment.
Keep sharing your thoughts and being the generous man you are. Your support of my blog is very much appreciated.
My best,
Lou
Lou, thank you for your kind compliments. Yes, being in the sports field, and in very high-profile positions, you must get – the only word I can come up with is – *inundated* with outrageous requests. You know, it’s interesting though; I think that with some of the examples you mentioned, it almost goes beyond the topic of this post and more into, “How Outrageous, Unthinking and Callous Can Some People Be.” And, I truly, truly believe that most people who do what those people said and did have no clue that they did anything the least big inappropriate. Hmm, maybe that’s going to be a chapter in the upcoming book I understand you have coming out. 🙂 Seriously, thank you for sharing. I always enjoy your blog posts.
By the way, Lou, I can understand that you can’t possibly get “Tom Brady” for your friend’s daughter’s birthday party, but I’m thinking you might be able to get…”Don Grady” (Robbie from the old “My Three Sons” television show. (Sorry, couldn’t resist. The names sound too much alike)