When someone, maybe even a close friend or associate, constantly keeps you on the phone for a long time, how do you end the conversation politely and effectively, without offending that person?
Here’s what works for me and for others: begin the conversation with, “Hey, great to hear from you, I’m just about to . . .{whatever it is you’re about to do next}, but I’ve got about 30 seconds (or whatever limit you decide), what’s going on?”
Usually the person will not be sensitive or aware enough to end within your desired limit, even though you’ve tactfully told him. So, wait until he finishes his most recent point, then begin speaking. Say two or three words and cut yourself off by saying, “Oh, Steve, I forgot. Gotta’ run to my {call, meeting, lobotomy—whatever}. Nice talking with you, though. We’ll talk again soon.”
That will set you free.
What about you? Have you found anything else that works effectively while not coming across as insulting or mean-spirited?
—–
Note from me: I’m leaving this afternoon and will be away until Saturday so please forgive me if I’m not as responsive as usual to blog comments, tweets, posts, emails, etc. Thursday I’ll be speaking in Chicago at Donna Krech’s Purpose Led Profits event. Friday, in Denver, will be Influence & Success: The Go-Giver Way, hosted by Sabrina Risley.
Tomorrow, Wednesday, April 6th, I’ll be in Dallas doing a live webcast from the Ziglar Corporation studio. I’ll be presenting, Go-Givers Really Do Sell More. Hosted by Tom Ziglar, the webinar is free and begins at 3:00 Eastern Time. You can sign up for it here. See you again soon!
Enjoy this post? Receive an update when our next post is published by entering your best email address below and clicking Get Updates.
Bob, it is funny that people will sometimes start with, “Are you busy?” Then I wonder if they know me because I am always busy and would be miserable if I were not busy. I usually say, “Yes, but I have a couple of minutes. If it takes long…er than that, maybe we can set a time to get together.”
I use most of the techniques you suggested and close the way you do.
“Bob, I really appreciate you calling. I am going to have to go now. Could you email me a few more of the details and then we could arrange a time when we are both free to talk a little longer.”
As a pastor, I ask permission to pray and do it. As a coach, I reiterate what they have said. I do the same in prayer. It demonstrates I was present for them in that short call. They probably had two needs coming in: (1) Contact and (2) Validation (being heard). If I can listen, guide, bring focus, and reiterate in prayer or in words, those two needs may have been met.
Pastor Tom, as always, you give profound and wisdom-filled advice. Thank you so much for sharing!
Thanks for the post. I’d love to comment more, but I’ve gotta’ run to my meeting.
-RG
Randy: LOLOL!
Great post, Bob! Bon Voyage and much success with your exciting activities this week!
In regards to the blog, there are many times that this situation happens while I am working or in the middle of a project. I have to cut/interrupt the person to get my point across and end the phone conversation. But I start with, “I hate to interrupt but…. Let us schedule a more convenient time to chat/follow up.” I say it with a smile so I sound extra friendly : ) and it usually works! Keep up the good work!
Excellent advice, Chi Chi. Sometimes it is actually necessary to interrupt them and the way you did it was certainly with kindness and tact. Thank you for sharing!
Thanks, Bob. And I’m still cracking up about Randy G’s response!
I know that many will agree that we probably pick up and take a few mintues to chat if it’s a POSITIVE, uplifting person calling us (like Lindar or Bob Burg:); however, when a negative, worry-wart friend or family member calls…. (does anyone else have a mom that worries about everything?)….. well, it’s amazing how much busier I become! Love her so much…. but just have to have some time and patience when we chat!
If I’m too busy or not in the mood to chat, I just don’t pick up!… And what I will sometimes do is text that person and let them know that it’s not a great time but I will be in my car from 2 – 3 or 5 – 6…and ask if I can call them then. And yes…. no fibbing! You need to call them back at some point!
Great post as usual, AND for the record, I’m not “that Steve” haha.
Thank you, Steve. And, nope…any resemblance between the fictional story Steve and you is entirely coincidental. 🙂
Sometimes there are times when you just plain do not want to be on the phone; you finally have a minute to take a break from the day and you need that time to yourself. At the same time you don’t want to be rude and rid them off the phone or lie to them telling them you have a meeting, etc… when in fact you really don’t. So instead, more casually, what you can do is say, “Hey, sorry I have to get going, but I have a few things I need to do,” and leave it at that or end by saying “but I can give you a call back when I’m free again.” Phrases like that are a little more casual (for when talking with a friend or a non-professional acquaintance), and they aren’t extremely specific. The other person does not need to know the ‘few things you need to do” whether it be a nap or something else they may deem menial, but is important to you. …just some thoughts.
Hi Doug. Thank you for sharing your helpful thoughts. The one caveat I might suggest is that – as stated in the article – this is a person who habitually keeps you talking on the phone (in other words, they enjoy LONG conversations). Thus, committing to calling back might create the same problem in the near future. And, as you mentioned, you don’t want to fib so, if you say you’re going to call back, you need to call back. Aside from that, however, I thought the wording you used was great!
Mary, thank you for sharing with us, my friend!
Okay, Bob…I’ve gotta try that one–“Gotta’ run to my lobotomy!” I’ll let you know how it works!
Ava, good catch. Didn’t think anyone caught that one! 😉
I caught it too, and cracked up! I love your suggestions, Bob. One that works for me is when there seems no end in sight is to say, “Well gosh, I don’t want to keep you – I’m going to let you get back to whatever you were doing before you called.” And that usually triggers a “oh, I guess we’re done here” vibe – when really it’s ME that needs to get back too what I was doing! 🙂
I also agree with Mary – I don’t pick up if I’m too swamped, but if they leave a message I get right back to them as soon as possible.
Wishing you successful travels this week!
LOL. Thank you, Barbara. And, thank you for sharing!
Bob, I’ve a friend who loves to shoot the breeze while he drives home from work. Unfortunately, that’s usually when I simply don’t have time. He can be tough to get away from.
“OK, I have to go”
“Hold on, let me tell you this first … ”
Today I came up with a brainwave. He called me on my mobile, so after a few minutes of his endless droning, I picked up another phone, and dialed his number (while blocking my own number of course) and sure enough, he said, “I’ve another call … have to go” “Yeah, me too, things to do… talk to you next week”.
Nasty? Maybe. But effective. And he didn’t call back.
Hi Tony, thanks. Too funny. Actually, this is a situation where – if he’s a good enough friend – you can discuss this before it happens and let him know that there are times you really can’t talk and that, when you can, that’s fine, but that when you tell him you need to go, he let’s you do that. Of course, I don’t know it that’s something you’d feel comfortable doing, but it can’t be too much more uncomfortable than having to think of plan like you did today…every time! 🙂 Tony, thank you for sharing with us.
Love this post Bob. Very practical. I wonder if you have ever written anything about politely excusing yourself from a face to face discussion at a networking event. I am terrible at this and I know that it is important to avoid standing and talking with the same person for an entire event.
Thanks for writing this!
Russ
Hi Russ, yes, feeling trapped by someone monopolizing your time at one of these events is a very uncomfortable situation and, as is typically the case with the person doing this on the phone, they are unaware of how inappropriate it is. If you’ll use the same basic principle; let them finish their last sentence, begin to speak and cut yourself off that will also usually work. You might just say to them, “You know it’s been great speaking with you; I’m sure we’ll speak again soon, I want to make sure and chat with a few people who are here” or something similar, that should be sufficient. Have a few “escape phrases” in your mind before attending the event so you won’t have to think under pressure but will already be prepared.
Fantastic stuff Bob! Thanks so much for following up with me on this.
Russ
Thank you for posting this! I am the type of person who ends up staying on the line with people far too long, because I never know how to end a conversation. I’ve always been afraid of being rude by saying I have to go. Often, I’ll finally say that I need to hang up and get the, “Oh, just one more thing…” segue into another ten minutes of conversation. I will try interrupting myself the next time I get caught on the line with someone – thank you for the suggestion!
My pleasure, Jessica. Thank you for being part of our discussion! Good luck to you!
This is a great discussion and post, Bob, thank you. One thing I would suggest also is when you have the same problem over and over again with a close friend or relative (of them not respecting your time) it’s usually effective to set up a new boundary and politely stick to it.
They may not realize how rude it is to keep you on the phone for indefinite periods of time when you’ve already said you need to go, so if after you “excuse yourself” they keep steamrolling right along, then at the next pause in conversation, instead of responding to what they said, just again say, “OK I really do have to go now,” and if they keep going, one more time say “I’m sorry but I’m past my time and I must hang up now; bye!” If they don’t give you a word edgewise and don’t give any pause within about a minute, then just politely talk over them and say it – imagine you’re running to catch a train and you simply cannot stay any longer. I think if you keep this whole process to about half a minute, then you’ll set a good precedent and next time they’ll know that once you say you must go, they have half a minute to wrap up.
JD: Thank you for your kind feedback. And, yes, finding a way to tactfully set the boundary is very important! As you said, the probably don’t even realize that it is rude. It’s difficult to believe that there are too many with whom you’d have to go to the extent you used as an example…but they certainly do exist!! LOL