Joe Mann, Managing Broker of Windermere Valley, Inc., a real estate brokerage firm in Spokane, Washington, wrote with the following question:
Bob, I am hosting “brown bag” lunches in my real estate office in which I guide the discussion about principles from your and John David Mann’s book, The Go-Giver. We spend a lot of time talking about building a database of people who will send referrals to us. One of our veteran brokers brought up the issue that establishing and nurturing relationships feels like “lying to oneself” if we don’t acknowledge that we are doing it to further our real estate business.
Our discussion has been that if we can let go of our emotional attachment to the outcome, doing those things that are necessary to build a business becomes less fearful.
My contention and experience has been that if we get the focus off ourselves and onto adding value to the client/prospect’s experience, it becomes easier to pick up the phone and call; or to stop by and see them. However, this agent has problems with the issue that, ultimately, we want their business or referral. Thus, it is disingenuous to focus only on the relationship. Many of these people, he says, he would not have any relationship with except for the potential for them to help grow his business.
How can we answer that?
Hi Joe,
I appreciate your question, and I also appreciate your broker expressing concern about not being authentic. It shows that he is…authentic. 🙂
Fortunately, so are you and all who understand that there is nothing inauthentic about adding exceptional value over time to a person (cultivating a relationship), knowing that should that person choose to recommend and refer others, that’s a terrific outcome.
When he says that he wouldn’t have any relationship with them other than to grow his business … that is the truth, and does not make providing value to them any less authentic.
Let’s address his concern: “establishing and nurturing relationships feels like ‘lying to oneself’ if we don’t acknowledge that we are doing it to further our real estate business.”
Why wouldn’t we acknowledge to ourselves that we are doing it to further our real estate business? Business is about providing exceptional value to the lives of many people. Whether he would have relationships with them if not in real estate doesn’t really matter. A professional Realtor’s® job is to find people to serve with exceptional value. This, through cultivating a business relationship with them. Most people appreciate that.
By the way, if one of his prospective customers, clients and/or referral sources asks him why he is “trying to build a relationship” (of course, that won’t happen, but if it does) he can very truthfully say, “I find the best way to earn the trust of those who provide me with referrals is to focus on relationships; not transactions.”
In other words, to think that you are either doing this to earn a living OR add value to another is what John and I call the “treacherous dichotomy.” This is defined as the unnecessary use of the word “or.”
So, what I’m saying, Joe, is that, while I certainly respect your broker’s feelings about this – and he has the right to feel that way if he so chooses – I believe that if he will shift his focus and recognize that providing value to others is always a good thing, he’ll see that this is an excellent and benevolent way for him to conduct business.
Thank you so much for writing, and for using The Go-Giver as the point of discussion for your “brown bag” lunch meetings. I’m honored!
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Bob,
Joe’s question (via the agent) is one I have received a few times as well, when leading discussions on this topic. Your answer, is just ONE of the reasons why everyone needs to follow this blog!
Thank you for this!
Wow, thank you, Steve. That’s so kind of you to say!
No kidding. I agree with Steve. You answered this beautifully. -Unnecessary use of the word “or.” That is brilliant, as is being clear with ourselves that the best way to build the business is to focus on relationships rather than on transactions. We don’t have to feel sneaky when our hearts really are in it to provide value to people, especially when we never get into a place of being needy.
Thank you, Gina. Ditto on what I said to Steve. Very kind of you, and great advice!
Bob,
Great answer as always. If we truly believe that we are here to serve and that what we do brings value to others…..then nurture away. If you believe that all you do is sales, then nurturing relationships will be a mental issue for some. I truly believe that what I bring to the table brings value to those I touch and that has allowed me to focus on relationship building and out of that has come sales. Look forward to the next blog…
Mike, thank you. Right on, my friend!
The Go-Giver is one of my all time fave books! In my 11 years in the biz, I’ve found this to me the essence of all I do. I LOVE to help people achieve their RE dreams/goals, but as we work together, they are not just clients, they become a real part of my/our lives, and we WANT to stay in touch with them, want to know what’s happening in their lives, and do hope that we’ll receive their referrals based on the level of service we’ve provided. I’ve found this to be a natural part of the process, nothing “phony” about it. We care about our clients as people – not transaction #’s, and are honored to receive their referrals – AND know that those people will also be serviced with the same level of excellence & professionalism. It’s a “win-win!”
Wow, Jennifer. First, thank you for your kind words about the book. Secondly, though, thank you for expressing such terrific thoughts about building relationships with prospects, customers and clients…and so amazingly well. I wish you had written the response to him instead of me. 🙂 Thanks again!!
Hi Bob,
This came at just the right time. We have been having this discussion in our RE office about how to connect with people and show them over time the great value we add within our relationships. It is often difficult to push ourselves out of our comfort zone – so much easier for most of us to associate with those in our very close circles, but of course those are the folks who already value our knowledge and experience.
Part of my 2011 business plan is to focus more on building those relationships with integrity and honesty – the rest is sure to follow.
Thanks very much!
Another great post and explanation, Bob.
What immediately jumps to mind for me here comes from Eli Goldratt, creator of the Theory of Constraints. He says that it’s foolish to try to separate any objective from the conditions necessary for accomplishing that objective.
Great relationships are a requirement for a flourishing business because for a business to exist there has to be a value exchange. Value exchange only happens through relationship. For value exchange to happen over time there have to be many relationships or at least one that’s so fantastic that it keeps exchanging value.
Someone could deny this and there may be exceptions to the rule, however I see enough evidence to behave as if I can’t ever have a successful business without creating and nurturing great relationships.
Excellent post, Bob. Kathy, Art and I were talking about this very subject matter yesterday. We came to the conclusion that in order to grow your good business, uphold the image of your company and create meaningful client experiences – a professional has to put themselves in their client’s shoes. They have to establish ways of making the client feel comfortable and served adequately. This may also include building a relationship with that client for fostering trust, loyalty and likability. In regards to the brokers statement, I do not believe he is deceiving his customers by forming relationships. I believe it is a success piece to the process. I will have to grab my “Go-Giver” collection and do some retro reading! Keep up the good work, Bob!
Jim, thank you for your awesome response, and sharing the amazing wisdom of Dr. Goldratt. Makes total sense, doesn’t it?
Chi Chi, thank you. I think you, Kathy and Art are right on the mark!
Roberta, sorry, I must have missed your comment earlier. I was not intentionally ignoring you. 🙂 I love what you said, and look forward to your adding your exceptional value to the lives of even more people in 2011!
EXCELLENT! There’s a chapter in my upcoming book called “Is it Mercenary to ‘Use” Your Sphere of Influence for Business?” and well, wouldn’t you know it, I reached the same conclusion as you (go figure). For one thing – we have to get business from somewhere or someone, so in that sense, we’re “using” everyone who honors us with their business FOR that business. But far more important is if you believe you’re the best real estate agent/mortgage broker/chiropractor/massage therapist in the world (which you should), then you’ll feel no qualms pursuing business from the people you know; in fact, you’d hate to see them use or hire someone else who won’t do nearly as wonderful a job as you will for them.
Further, when you prospect for business using strategies that don’t feel, as I call it, “icky” – you’re comfortable that you aren’t annoying or imposing on anyone – and that your communications, whether they’re one on one or more of a mass effort – will be welcomed by your audience because they were created with their interest in mind… not your agenda.
Whoops – sorta took an opportunity on your blog for one of my favorite soapboxes… stepping down now.
Great post! I think I’ll forward it on…
Hi Jennifer, ALWAYS a pleasure to have you comment on my posts. And, your being one of the top Real Estate teachers/coaches in the world, I feel honored for you to do some great teaching in your comments, as well. Thank you for sharing.
{Note from Bob: Jennifer’s first book, “Sell With Soul” is a terrific book for real estate professionals, and I’ll bet her next one, “Prospect With Soul” will be, as well}
Bob,
This situation is a direct reflection from the book, Launching A Leadership Revolution by Woodward/Brady concerning the Tri-Lateral Leadership Ledger. Character X Tasks X Relationships = SCORE.
The person mentioned appears to have amazing integrity and is ambitious when it comes to tasks, which could also be a reflection of personality traits.
IF our Relationship score is low, the other 2 areas will be counter-productive regardless of their scores. Say my score is: 8X5X2=80 Let’s say … I read some great books by amazing authors 🙂 & begin building relationships based on character which increases trust. Then say … people like & respect that what I do will be valuable to them, my score could look like this: 8X5X8=320 causing a significant increase.
Relationships are huge & I am determined to grow daily in this area! Thank you so much!
Blessings,
g
Thank you Geneva. Yes, I can definitely see the tie-in to “Leadership Revolution” (which, is an awesome book). Thank you for your awesome sharing, my friend!