Lyndsey Fennelly, a former All-American basketball standout at Iowa State University, is now a coach/instructor with PGC Basketball. While in Orlando last week, she attended the Endless Referrals Live/Go-Givers Sell More event and, afterward, sent me the following:
“Bob, I’ve found so many positive experiences since reading The Go-Giver two years ago, but I’ve also found myself sleeping less, connecting with more people, and having more opportunities than I have the time for. As a 25 year old, I’m still learning to balance a healthy professional and personal life, but I just wanted to get your thoughts on how to create balance in life as ‘Go Giver’. I can imagine you are pulled in many directions and by many people and, in a great way, many people want your time and attention. I’m experiencing that on a smaller scale, and wanted to get your advice.”
Lyndsey, I’ll be the first to say I don’t have the complete answer to your excellent question. However, I have employed some concepts that have been helpful in this area.
One of which I find is very important. And, I believe you will find this to be necessary for you, as well because, as your business continues to grow, you will be sought out by more people for more things. You’ll find that more people ask you for things and want you to participate in their ventures and so forth. So, what I’ve had to learn to do is to…
Say no more often, to more people and to more opportunities.
Please understand, however, that saying “no” has nothing to do with being cold, unkind or unhelpful. It means that, because there are literally only so many hours in a day, but different areas in which we want to grow and be productive (financially, physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, socially, etc.) and help others, we have to pick and choose where and to whom we can give our time and percentages of our time.
Saying no to certain things will allow you to say yes to other things. And, that to which you say yes should be that which aligns with your values and what you desire to achieve in the various areas of your life.
The key (in my opinion) is in how you say no when you feel that is the proper decision.
You might find some past posts on this topic to be helpful. The first of a two-part series, Saying ‘No’ Graciously can be found here. At the end is a link to Part Two.
To watch the related video you can click here.
I wrote these because it’s difficult for some people (including me) to turn down requests from people; not just from friends but from practically anyone I feel means well. Thus, saying “no” must be accomplished in a way that allows you to do so effectively, with comfort and – just as importantly – while making the other person feel valued, and good about themselves.
Let us know how things work out. I’ve been following your work and am very proud of you.
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Great post, Bob! Excellent job at your past event in Orlando and much success to Lyndsey! I can definitely see the dilemma that Lyndsey faces and how challenging it can be in regards to keeping balance. There was a statement in your blog which resonated in my spirit, “…that to which you say yes should be that which aligns with your values and what you desire to achieve in the various areas of your life.” Using this as a marker, helps to keep a focus and a balance. One thing that Lyndsey should keep in mind is that, not “all opportunities” are necessarily, “good opportunities”. Keep up the awesome work!
This is so true, I used to be known as a serial entrepreneur. When I stopped saying yes to every way to make money, I started making a whole lot more
Hi Bob,
Thanks again for this great reminder to be focusing on what’s the most important and saying no to the ones that are less, (you have to say no to the good and yes to the great in order to become great) broken focus always takes the ones that have gone far and brings them back down again, but that’s a whole new topic. Thanks Bob you’re amazaing and keep leading others to truth.
P.S. Geneva I totally admire what u did by leaving your job and doing something that you feel is your destiny, keep up to good work! I believe I will see you as a P.C. Member in TEAM.
Taking your advice, Bob, I recently turned down an opportunity. The person I was turning down wrote back to me to say it was the most gracious refusal she’d ever received!
I really feel that sometimes the Universe gives you something to see if it’s good enough, and you have a duty to yourself to throw the small fish back (politely) so that you can catch the big ones!
Great concept…and great post. People won’t necessarily remember what you said or did, but they will remember how you made them feel. So to your point, it is all about the delivery…”how” you say ‘No’.
Safe travels.
Taylor
Excellent timing of course! Where were you in 2007? I know….I had to work my way up to the best right?
I was talking to a co-worker at lunch today & he asked me why I resigned as Singles Director at my church. I had to opportunity of letting him know, I had to say “No” to some things. At the time I was traveling w/ my job non-stop throughout the state of Texas during the Katrina disaster training staff & vols; teaching & developing leaders in both Sunday School & Small group; leading a consortium between 9 other area singles ministries; counseling singles; piloting the ministry, Living Single Again, which bridges the gap between divorce recovery & singles classes; becoming involved in TEAM Biz, somewhere in there was a son in high school & occasionally a date! Whew, it exhausts me just to think of what my plate looked like! I did it! The question is how effective or efficient was I doing any of them?
I had to take a look at my life & determine what is important now (7 Habits) & what would lead me toward my goals. Of course having a loving God that directs my path helped immensely! Many people were shocked & in awe that I would have chosen to “quit” a ministry I had been involved in for over 13yrs. Saying “NO” to one thing cleared my plate except for son, job, & biz. Amazingly enough, because I made that decision, my sphere of influence widened, I am doing what I am passionate about, am more balanced & moving ever more quickly toward my goals & dreams. Better than all of that, I am able to guide others who have seen my example.
I said yes to “No” & am forever grateful! As I am Bob for your insight!
THANKS!
g
Let’s do a live example of how to say “no, graciously.” Bob, I’ll be in Palm Beach this coming Saturday-Monday. Do you want to hook up over coffee, lunch or dinner and perhaps, “fist bump”?:-) Let me know if it sounds like fun to you. And Bob, no won’t offend me. 🙂 (I arrive the 5th in the afternoon, have a class the 6th from 9:00am-4:00, then depart on the 7th early evening.)
Thank you so much for everyone chiming in and most importantly, for the ultimate Go Giver himself to provide us all with such helpful and insightful feedback. There are so many great stories and ideas coming out of this blog. I had a feeling my question is experienced by many others. As always, much appreciated!
Hi Lyndsey, just saw your comment; I must have been posting mine when yours came in. Thank you so much for allowing us all to learn from your situation, and for so kindly sharing yourself with us. And, I agree with you; I believe your question is indeed shared by many!
Finally catch up after traveling today; sorry it took so long to respond to your very kind and insightful comments. So, one by one… 🙂
Chi Chi: Thank you. Thoughtful comments, as always!
Ray: Very true!
James: That’s a great compliment you received regarding how kind your refusal was. Good for you!
Taylor: Thank you. I appreciate your kind feedback!
Geneva: Thank you for once again sharing a part of yourself with us. Amazing how you continue to do that. Thank you!
Amy: I think you’re referring to the event with Les that a lot of my buds will be attending. I’m seeing about stopping down for a while at the end of Sunday and getting a whole bunch of hugs and hellos (two of my favorite things) but not yet sure if it’s going to happen or not. Thank you!
Shlomo: Great points. Thank you, both for sharing your thoughts and for your kind words!
Wow. A very timely message for me as I am in a similar situation. I know that I need to say no more often but it is very difficult for me. Thanks for this advice Bob and thanks to Lindsey for raising such a fine question.
Russ, thank you for your comment. Yes, it’s a position I believe most of us have found ourselves in (and continue to) from time to time. So glad you found the post to be helpful.