In our previous post we saw that when desiring to persuade, telling someone they are wrong will most likely not only not change their mind, it will much more than likely elicit their planting their feet firmly “in-turf” and defending their position.
The suggestion was to, instead, agree with them. Counter-intuitive? Yes. Effective? Most definitely.
But, realize that beginning with agreement is, just that; a beginning. You’ll then utilize some of the positive persuasion methods and strategies we often discuss in these posts.
However, I was emailed by a couple of readers asking for some examples of “agreement without capitulation.” In other words, they wondered: “what can you possibly say that agrees, without basically giving in?”
Let’s look at just one very quick example:
Front Desk Agent: It’s hotel policy that we don’t allow guests to check in until 3pm.
You: Absolutely. It’s very important to follow policy. It’s there for a reason.
Now that the he or she feels comfortable with you and totally unthreatened, they are also much more open to your tactfully-communicated solution.
For example, you might say:
I’m just thinking, I know one reason for this very important rule is to make sure the rooms are clean and ready for your guests. This is one reason I always enjoy staying here. I’m wondering, would it be possible for you to check to see if there is a room ready that I could check in to?
I can tell you from personal experience, this works. Every time? Not necessarily. But, indeed if there is a room that is ready, you will most likely be able to check in.
Had you reacted to the clerk’s initial statement, the chances are he or she would have gone into their “default setting” and a no-win transaction (i.e. an argument) would have ensued. Instead, you responded, communicated understanding, and provided a solution that he or she was only too happy to comply with.
I hope you found that helpful. Please feel free to share a situation you have experienced or might one day experience, and how you handled it or see yourself handling it.
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I can’t think of any situations right off hand. But in all reality, that is every ‘sales’ situation that you handle an objection.
The first response is always an ‘I totally understand Mr. Jones’.
Now to take this information and put it into my daily routine…
Jeff, great to hear from you. Thank you for your kind feedback!
Great example, Bob. I’m going to put in in my mental file cabinet as “First, validate their reason why”.
Awesome! Thank you, Jim!
I had some charges put in my phone bill from a third party, that I had not authorized, but I failed to call them in a timely manner. So when I receieved a call from the biller, AT&T, I excitedly (genuine gratefullness) thanked him for calling. He started saying “this is an attempt..(then he paused) wow, no one has ever thanked ME for calling.” I told him I had never given thought to the reception people in his field must get. It was an eye opener.
I then validated how he probably hears “there’s a mistake on my bill..you must fix it.” He said he hears that all the time, truth or not truth. The outcome of this call was full credit for the unauthorized charges, and he went above and beyond a bill collectors job, by telling me of some specials that will reduce my monthly rate. He connected me to the appropriate extention to make the changes. Furthermore and to my surprise, he called me back two days later to tell me he checked my account to make sure the credits were applied and they were.
Validating is cool stuff! 🙂
Amy, you have just received your Masters and Doctorate in Winning Without Intimidation. You had already obtained both in Go-Giving. You Rock! (May I used your letter in an upcoming blog post?)
Hi Bob,
Thanks so much for the article. The scenario you presented is so true. I remember many years ago I was newly a single mom and I was getting an acct set up with the electric company for my new apartment. I was in a new town and they were requesting a sizable deposit from me. I explained to the clerk that I had an account in great standing in another town for over 15 years and couldn’t they make an exception to the deposit. She kept insisting they couldn’t. I then asked for the manager. The clerk said to me “the manager is going to tell you the same thing I just told you.” I said to the clerk that she was probably right but I would really love to speak with the manager anyway. She took me to the manager’s office and he approved my account without a deposit by verifying my information with the out of town electric company. Had I gotten nasty with the clerk, I would’ve have even made it to talk to the manager. I had to agree that she was probably right.
Mari Mitchell Porter
Awesome, Mari. Thank you so much for sharing that with us. You done good! 🙂
Thank you Bob, I just did a cartwheel and it flipped my tassle to the graduate side of my cap. 🙂 (Yes, you may use my letter.)
🙂
Hey Bob! I mentioned yesterday that I would most likely be having an encounter that might afford me the opportunity to put some of this and the previous post into action. Wee, sure enough I did! Lol I had an appt at the dreaded dept of motor vehicles! I had been a bozo and let a car that I wasn’t using and which was stored go unregistered for quite some time. Well, the fees and penalties were pretty ugly…980 bucks for an old truck!! Ouch! I’m sure that anyone who has spent some time at the DMV knows that it can be a rather unsympathetic ennvironment, with folks not overy enthusiastic about the work they do. Anyway, when I was called up, I did my very best to create a sincerely warm intoduction (which wasn’t exactly returned..at first), and she then told me how much I owed. Even the DMV person was surprised at the amount. I told her I had screwed up badly by not taking care of this…she agreed and again repeated the cost and asked if I was paying today. I then asked if there was any possibility of a fee reduction, and she said after a year, its policy that they can’t. I agreed and said I understood, and again shared that I had really screwed up. I then asked her if it would be worth it to talk with a supervisor.she said they would say the same thing. At this point we had had enough conversation to actually establish some connection, and she had smiled and laughed at a few things I said. So I then presented a bill I had to get the truck repaired and once again running, along with my registration from the car I actually drive (to prove I hadn’t been driving the truck on the sly illegally). She took a look and said, maybe I can remove a couple of fees. I told her how amazing that would be and thanked her profusely. We then started processing my DL renewal and enjoyed a bit more conversation and some smiles and laughs. After the DL was processed she said, you know, I can actually remove a few more of these fess (I hadn’t asked for any more reduction). I said wow! Thank you so much and we continued to have a fantastic interaction…which I would have honestly engaged in with her regardless of the fee reduction or not. Soooo, it ended up that she saved me 300 bucks…a pretty nice amount I thought. And all because I didn’t become contentious when she told me the rules…instead I said I understood the rules, and that I had screwed up. I created a bit of know, like and trust and shared a some genuine warmth and kindness…and it came right back. Maybe not textbook, but it sure felt like some agreement without capitulation. Making the person feel comfortable and unthreatened enough to unlock their own humanity. And if it’s possible at the DMV, it’s possible anywhere!!!! Thanks so much for all the wisdom and coaching Bob!
And please forgive any typos, I’m writing this on a blackberry and can’t even see the letters!
-Sean
Sean, that is SO awesome. Good for you!!!!! And, you mentioned above, “Maybe not textbook, but…” Are you kidding?! That was *totally* textbook. Terrific; Perfectamundo! Way to go, my friend!
Thanks bob!!! Super appreciate you and this community, and all I’ve learned! Oh, and Endless Referrals is kicking some major behind…half way through and absolutely lovin’ it!
-Sean
Here is my story on travel that fits within that:
I was flying back to Savannah. The airport was packed. Our plane landed late so getting to the next plane was pretty much not going to happen. There were a lot of people really mad because they were going to have to wait for the next flight. Most of them yelled at the person behind the counter but nothing they could do. It got really heated.
When it was my turn to get up there I told the lady I am sure glad I am not you. I feel so sorry for what you have been going through with all the people yelling at you when it wasn’t even your fault. I said that you have held yourself in such a respectful way.
She said thank you so much and you are so right, we always have to put up with this when things happen like this. It isn’t our fault when things like this happen. She gave me my ticket and told me where to go.
I didn’t realize that she booked me on a last minute seat cancellation so I took my time walking to the other side of the airport to wait at the terminal.
Well when I got there, someone saw me and said Mr. Benton, we have been waiting for you. They took me right in and the plane took off.
I was like WHOA, I didn’t realize that they held the plane just for me and all of this just because I was being nice to the ticket person!
You never know what will happen when you just show some gratitude but that was one huge learning experience for me some years ago!
Living Our Story,
Chris Benton
Thank YOU, Sean. Yes, this is an awesome community. I’m so fortunate! Hey, glad you’re enjoying Endless Referrals. Didn’t know you were reading that. Thanks again!
Bravo, my friend. Absolutely. Thank you so much for sharing that, Chris. And, while I know there are people who will think that what happened with you is just luck or a “once in a lifetime” type of thing, I can only say that I see it and experience it on a constant and consistent basis. Very elementary. But most people will choose to yell and scream instead.