Last post, we discussed the importance of having one’s Default Setting on calm and serene rather than on an opposite, negative state such as panic, anger or upset. But, can one really change their default setting after living with it for a lifetime?
Absolutely. Just follow these six steps:
- Decide you want to change and that from now on your “default setting” is on calm.
- Vividly imagine that the next time a potentially upsetting situation occurs, you go into “calm.”
- Actually default to calm when the next such situation occurs.
- Forgive yourself if you slip up (we all do!).
- When you do default to calm and serene, take great pleasure in the fact that you did.
- Know that, since you did it once, you have the ability to do it every time.
In his book, Building Your Self-Image and the Self-Image of Others, Rabbi Zelig Pliskin relates wonderful advice for a person staying in “calm default” when under pressure from – in this particular case – an intimidating person. He writes:
“I asked a person I once met how he became so skilled at staying calm under pressure. He said, ‘I pretend that everything that happens is on a large video screen. Every person I interact with is part of the scenery. I’m the only person that is alive and real; everyone and everything else is just what I see on the screen of my mind.
‘My choices of thoughts, words, and actions are like a game I am playing on the screen. I always maintain self-respect and respect for others, but nothing anyone says or does will intimidate me. If someone raises his voice and yells at me, I imagine the clown on the screen acting like he has lost his temper. I don’t have to worry as long as I’m not in physical danger.
‘I keep asking myself, “What would be the wisest thing for me to think, say, and do now?” Because I keep calm, I am able to think more objectively.'”
Great advice. Sometimes, we need to play “mind games” until we overcome a particular negative trait and turn it into something positive. Changing your default setting from panicky to calm will do wonders for you in both your business and personal lives.
James Allen, author of the Classic, As A Man Thinketh wrote:
“The more tranquil a man becomes, the greater his success, his influence, and his power for good. He is like a shade-giving tree in a thirsty land, or a sheltering rock in a storm.”
And, we can all be more like the person Mr. Allen is describing. We just need to change our default setting.
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Great advice, Bob. It’s amazing what an impact making a small shift in thinking can make in our lives and the lives of those around us. I love that it all begins by simply deciding to make the change to set the intention in motion. I plan to use the techiniques you provided us with in order to respond to situations in a healthier, empowered way. Thank you.
Great post, Bob!
Makes me think of, dont sweat the small stuff, and guess what it’s all small stuff… and, there is a God and I am not Him…
Thanks for the reminder, Bob.
Hello Bob,
How are you?
What a great post you made today. I´m sure i really need to keep this advice with me.
Thank you so much for share these wisdom with the world.
Best wishes from Brazil.
Tiago C. Simões
Loving this BLOG series — Awesome material as always Bob. Than you for sharing such quality material…….always need reminders of how to live life.
Bob, I missed this in the Twitter feed this morning. I’m glad I went back to the feed to find it. Great advice that’s simple, and that becomes easier with practice.
Thank you Bob for this, another excellent post. I am 74 and in the midst of changing primal default settings. It is one thing to be able to access calm, another to live in it. We can all “go into” that zone of vibrant serenity through the application of a great host of techniques, but the goal is to live there. When I first encountered “As A Man Thinketh” decades ago the sentence you quoted ““The more tranquil a man becomes, the greater his success, his influence, and his power for good. He is like a shade-giving tree in a thirsty land, or a sheltering rock in a storm.” stuck with me as the very key to what it was I was seeking.
Another dimension of this process of making calm your default to which I can attest is quite simply-It can take a long time. It might happen overnight, but that is probably not the usual case. &-for me anyhow-here is what makes me stay with it: IT’S FUN – strange perhaps, but true – FUN!
Thanks.
Sooooper!
Wayne
Hey Bob! This is a truly great post/concept/reminder. Being able to shift your default setting to calm creates enormous self-power and magnetic pull in business as well as personal relationships. The majority of people are simply reacting to or bouncing off of interactions or events in their daily lives. The beauty behind changing your default setting (or being self-aware) is that rather than your environment/interactions dictating your mindset, you instead choose powerful, healthy responses and everntually a different default state altogether. So if most folks are simply reacting and allowing their emotions to be the victims of environment/circumstance, then by becoming/offering this calm/peaceful/beautiful state to the world around you (as the world around you becomes unneccessarily frenzied/harried/angry) you truly do become “a shade giving tree in a thirsty land”…you become a source of powerfully healthy energy that stands in sharp contrast to the reactivity around you. And the fantastic part (beyond feeling amazing personally) is, that everyone is attracted to this more beautiful/healthy/calm state. You become a magnet personally and in business, because so many are unable or unfamilliar with how to access this place in themselves, but are terribly attracted to this calm/beautiful state when they encounter it.Thanks Bob and James!
Great post Bob! Reminds me of when I was a paramedic many years ago. The younger rookie’s learned quickly that they could gauge the seriousness of a patients condition based on my level of calm. Without consciously doing so, I would go into “extreme calm mode” when I encountered a patient in dire condition. This of course was a good thing, because panic doesn’t make for good decision making! I had forgotten that, and appreciate your reminding me of it – very timely indeed 🙂
Thanks!
thanks, I have a very negative person in my life…and I find that as I get older, I am feeling less tolerable. With this person I feel like enough is enough but, as you said the default settings this person has is on doom and gloom. I will try this .. hope it makes me feel better when dealing with the gloom.