Over the past two posts we’ve discussed how to effectively deal with those who interrupt us, whether during normal conversation or in the midst of a disagreement. I’ve enjoyed the responses and the suggestions from everyone. Thank you.
Just as important is to make sure we are not the person doing the interrupting. This was a terrible habit of mine for many, many years. It was around the same time I decided to work on several other very important character traits, in which I was also lacking, that I attacked this one, as well.
I was determined to make my habit of “Interruptus Maximus Obnoxius” a thing of the past.
Interesting was that after yesterday’s post, I received a note on my Facebook page from a friend of mine who expressed concern that she interrupts when excited and asked for my thoughts on how to overcome this challenge.
The fact is, I still catch myself interrupting (although 99% less than I used to!). The key is that now…I catch myself doing it, and can immediately apologize when I do. This both honors the other person (and acknowledges the mistake) and reminds me not to do that for remainder of conversation.
As to how to overcome it? It takes focus, concentration, and practice. Lots of practice!
I made it my primary purpose in a conversation to not interrupt. I put sticky notes with this reminder on my telephone, around my house, in my car, on my computer, everywhere and anywhere I might see it.
I failed, succeeded and failed again. And, then, amazingly enough, the times I’d interrupt become more and more rare.
You can do the same. It’s well worth the effort. Practically nothing else will stymie one’s ability to lead, to influence, to persuade, to effectively communicate as will interrupting others. They will become frustrated, annoyed, angry and be less inclined to agree and/or buy into your ideas…not to mention, it makes it harder for them to like you). 🙂
Overcome this habit (I’m not saying you have it, but if you do) and your life will be so much less stressful, more productive and much happier. And people will constantly credit you with being a good listener. That’s one compliment I never used to receive and now I often do. All from breaking one very counter-productive habit.
Any thoughts you’d like to share if this is a habit you have broken or are trying to break? Please suggest additional ways to accomplish this that I missed.
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Bob
As a person who has held a doctorate in Maximus Interruptus, allow me to speak from personal experience.
I ask myself if I am listerning twice as much as I am speaking.
OR
I focus on what the person is saying and not on what I am
a…going to say next
b…going to say to counter their point
c…going to say to play the “one up-manship conversation game”
Doing the second thing allows me to get wrapped up in the now rather than the next few future minutes. It lets the person talking know that I am interested in what they have to say. And, I actually hear what they are saying or the point they are making.
Interestingly, Bob, this varies regionally. I’ve learned that the conversational styles are “lapping,” where interrupting and talking over each other is the norm, “turn-taking,” which is the cultural norm in the U.S. and where interrupting is inappropriate, and a third style, where there are actual pauses, or moments of silence between each person.
Growing up in NY, “lapping” was normal for me, and for everyone around me. Where I grew up, when you began a sentence, the other person started their sentence when you were about half way through. You were both talking and listening at the same time, and it was the way people communicated.
Imagine how well this went over when I moved to Atlanta in 1978! The pace there at that time was definitely more “languid”, and my lapping style was considered very rude!
Like you, I had to work on it. And I still find myself occasionally jumping in too soon when I’m passionate and excited.
Thanks for this great reminder. I’ll be paying attention these next couple of weeks to see if I’ve fallen back into my NY style : )
Bob,
Thanks for your thoughts and feedback. I’ll give it a try. If I keep forgetting, I may need to tape-duct my mouth shut on occasions. This worked really well when I found I was snacking without even realizing it! LOL Happy New Year!
Bob, I didn’t see myself as an interrupter until I read this particular post this morning. I thought it was everyone else. I’m surrounded by people who do what Ava revealed — “lappers” — and I think she’s right about it being a regional thing. I grew up in Georgia, so I’m feeling constantly disrespected by the “lappers” here in Rhode Island. It’s frustrating!
But yesterday I was speaking on the phone to a potential customer from North Carolina, and I noticed myself wanting to cut her off throughout the whole conversation. She wasn’t “lapping” at all, which made me really aware of my chomping at the bit to “get a word in.” Instead, I bit my tongue and just listened. It wasn’t easy! But the conversation went much more smoothly, ended sooner, and I got all the information I needed. It really sat with me all day. I couldn’t figure out why until I read this post this morning, and Ava’s comment: Interrupting (and yes, “lapping”) slows down and impedes clear communication and information-gathering!
Last night, with a group of friends, one of the women in attendance got cut off mid-sentence and looked down, waited for the chatter to stop, then picked up exactly where she left off, mid-sentence. (A technique you suggested in your last post on DEALING with interrupters.) She didn’t get interrupted again until she finished. Our group dynamic has always been a thorn in my side, since most of the members are interrupters. I know I was thinking, “Oh my word — are we that rude?” when she did it, and I bet everyone else did as well. I wonder if she read your post? ;O)
Lappers!! I love it!! Multi-tasking …listening & talking at the same time!! That describes some of my excited conversations perfectly!!
I read in a book about trying to take a breath & pause for a split second after the other person finishes their sentence BEFORE you begin talking. Not a heavy sigh as if to say you’re glad they shut-up!! 🙂
People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care! If I am the one person that truly listens to them, I have to get better at it!!
As always, your blogs are informational, educational, motivational & even entertaining!!
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Enjoyed all your comments and suggestions immensely. Thank you for sharing of yourselves and your experiences. And best wishes for a Tremendous, Terrific and Happy 2011!