Several years ago, my friend, the great Cajun humorist {sort of like a stand-up comedian with a message}, Dave Petitjean sent an email to his contemporaries asking for comments he could use to teach some of his young protégés the importance of keeping their humor “squeaky clean.” Despite not being a humorist, I was included in his list. So, I sent back the following:
Hey Dave, what a worthy goal that is. I’m not a humorist (don’t get me wrong; I personally think I’m a riot – problem is; no one else does) so I don’t necessarily qualify to participate. But, let me give it a shot.
In my opinion, there is nothing more “average or ordinary” than a humorist/comedian who has to resort to dirty language in order to get a laugh. In fact, one of the (in my opinion) highest compliments I hear comics receive today is, “Wow, he/she was so unbelievably funny, and they weren’t even dirty.”
It seems to me those are the real pros. In today’s world of “lowest common denominator”-type thinking, it simply happens to be easy to get a laugh by saying a four-letter cuss word. Anyone can do that (and anyone does). It takes no talent. But to be clean and have people double-over with laughter because your humor has reached into the furthest depths of their mind and heart…now THAT is talent. Anyway, cher, keep up the great work! – Bob
Dave replied that was exactly what he was looking for. Again, that was several years ago.
Today? I’ve got to admit, I’m rather disgusted by how many speakers, bloggers and tweeters regularly use cuss words and gross words as part of their normal communication.
Disgust aside, I think I’m more amazed by how many people seem to respond to it positively.
Why? Do people really think it’s funny? Authentic? Clever? Actually, and sadly, I believe many do believe that. If they didn’t, then they wouldn’t reward it with their time, attention and money. And there are some hugely successful speakers and writers who fall into this category?
Still, I can’t help believe that this is not the reason they have reached such high levels of success in their fields. In other words, they are not succeeding because of it, but in spite of it. I say this because, if you look past it, they usually also have excellent material.
So, why do they do it and why do people respond favorably? Any thoughts? Am I just being “uncool?” That’s been known to happen. 🙂
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I personally think some comics are able to transcend this – Richard Pryor in particular it seemed appropriate for him. But too much of it is just uncomfortable. Ellen DeGeneres is one example of a squeeky clean comic who is very funny.
Great post as always.
Wow Bob…you have certainly decided to take on a thorny subject 🙂 I will be following this post with great interest.
With my background in teaching, I have always been very conscious of my ‘voice’ when I speak or blog (which I have been doing for a few years now). I agree with Randy that there are times when a ‘salty’ word just works and gets the point across (much more so when the speaker/writer uses it very sparingly) as opposed to the shock value (which quickly wears off), which Linda pointed out so brilliantly.
What’s fascinating to me is that those who drop the ‘f bomb’ and use offensive language actually dilute their message because after awhile we tune it out. Indeed sometimes I think people use being ‘authentic’ and ‘transparent’ as an excuse to use profanity in their daily conversations and to prove to people how authentic and transparent they are;-)
Do I curse? Sure…do I do it in front of my 91 year old grandmother-in-law? Hell no…:-) Hmmm…just thinking through this has given me blog post inspiration…
I’ll be looking forward to other people’s thoughts on this.
Bob, I 100% agree! My Dad had an awesome sense of humor. In fact, at his funeral that was much of what his friend & pastor said about him and told some of the funnier ones. His humor was never “off-color” and it simply arose from him. Most of the humor was about his life foibles and he could string the story together and draw it out so that everyone was on the edge of their seats.
I believe we have evolved, in general, to be a very crass culture. We accept things from folks that would never have seen the light of day in generations past. Thus the rise of comedians of both genders who can get by with it because their audiences in general have no aversion to the language.
Finally, there’s a real difference between a humorist and a comedian. We have few real “humorists” today of the caliber of Samuel Clements (Mark Twain) & Will Rogers. IMHO, that makes us a very bereft society.
Thanks for this post Bob. This is something I’ve discussed recently with my husband.
A family member visited and told us about going to see a particular comedian. He seemed to be impressed by every other word being a swear word. Maybe its a sign of immaturity?
We told him how much we enjoyed the same comedian in a programme aimed at 8-14 year-olds. He couldn’t believe that this same man was in a childrens’ show.
I believe that it can take much more effort to produce material suitable for children and also adult material without the profanities and this shows how talented they are. I freely admit that, though I watch little tv, I happily sit down with my children to watch two of their shows every week which are much funnier than many adult programmes and sometimes thought-provoking as well.
Bob,
Great post about a topic I find myself thinking more and more about as my children get older. I come from a very conservative background and my viewpoint has been influenced by that. As a matter of fact, one of my favorite memories to laugh at now is when my Mom got so angry at me for saying “crap” in a crowd, she hauled me into our bathroom when I got home and washed my mouth out with soap (I like to remind her of that when I hear her use that word now).
The area of language to me is mostly about professionalism, and I have grown tired of how often I hear words that are not suitable for use, being thrown around as if they are common talk. I have observed that there are two types of people that tend to use this language more often then others.
1. The young gun who is immature and wants to make people notice him/her. I guess, the “look at me” mentality or just not mature or experienced enough to understand that what they are saying is inappropriate. I don’t mind this aspect very much, because usually, this person at least has an excuse.
2. The executive who has become so successful that they don’t give a sh** (did I just type that out loud – oops) what anyone thinks, and say “deal with it or go somewhere else”. Now this guy, really gets under my skin. These are the people in life that are the most difficult to spend time with, because they have become so focused on things being the way they think they should be, that they don’t concern themselves with how their actions affect others.
So my question: if you use this language – where do you fit in those two options? Ok, I understand there are others, but still, it is a fun question to ask.
Bob, I definitely agree with you. Jeanne Robertson is a great example of someone who is hilarious and never uses off-color language.
If a speaker’s goal is to make sure as many people as possible absorb their message, I find it amazing that they don’t think about the listeners they lose when they resort to profanity. I believe it’s a sign of ego to ignore those who might take offense in order to get laughs from others.
I think back to an interview Tony Robbins once did with legendary basketball coach John Wooden. One of the things I remember most is that Coach Wooden said he never tolerated profanity from any of his players at ANY time. It was part of his approach to building young men into people of strong character. It’s too bad more speakers today don’t share that philosophy.
Absolutely Steve, your second option of the executive really resonates with me. I have felt uncomfortable in so many “high level” meetings; it might not bother some people, but with me I feel so awkward in such situations that I’m sure it affects my performance.
The worst case was a very highly paid woman who was an out and out bully – I think she swore to try to fit in but also to stamp her authority.
Great mention of Coach Wooden of someone who rose to the top of their profession without losing a sense of what is right and wrong. Thanks Merideth! Now, you can’t hardly hear a coach talk without hearing them swear, as a former college basketball coach, it is an embarrassment.
Interesting topic. As a guy who does use the occasional expletive in my videos, books and blog, here’s my take on it: I hate it when a comedian or anyone else uses swear words as the lazy way to laughs or attention.
But I do sometimes use them because at my core essence, I am a writer. And writers are wordsmiths. Which means you always look for the PERFECT word to connote the opinion, feeling or mood you want to convey. And sometimes that word is a swear word.
So swear words just for the sake of swear words? No. But if it the best way to get my point across, I do it, as you well know. One note: I do have language advisories on my blog, e-zine sign-up and YouTube channel. So if someone is going to find that offensive, they have been warned ahead of time and decline to see my stuff. Which some do.
-RG
RG, I understand from whence you come. I’ve always said I could handle a movie with expletives if they fit the story/plot. But I walked out of a movie years ago (think it was called “Colors”) where every other word began with an “f”. Was simply for shock value.
As a “recovering professional therapist”, there were times when expletives fit the situation as I was working with someone who came from that “world”.
I still believe we’ve become a much more crass society and accept words & actions that would not have been tolerated in “polite society”.
Linda
Yes I agree Linda. I think that’s where authentic comes in. That is what makes real connections, whether a humorist, comedian, author, speaker or anyone else. When they are being totally real.
-RG
Randy, it’s great to be in agreement with you! There simply are times when the “nasty words” are appropriate to the situation – regardless of if it’s art, prose, poetry or entertainment. Mature , discerning folks can make that distinction and do it well!
Have a great day. . .
Linda
Great subject & post Bob, thanks.
It’s a matter of values, context & respect for me.
I remember being in Australia (with the above Mr. Gage) and the host of the event showed a clip of Al Pacino’s great “foul mouthed” court-room scene from “Scent of a Woman.” I winced in pain (real, physical) as I felt some people in the audience’s discomfort & offense. In my opinion, it was a stupid, insensitive, dare I say “ignorant” move on the hosts part.
Some times, if I RRReally want to use a questionable word or phrase, I’ll set it up by saying, “I’m going to use a technical term here…” then let fly. I get away with it most of the time. I had one VERY big MLM leader reject me & all my material (and he told me so) because I used the word “crap.” I had no idea it was a bad word. Honest.
If I’m reading one of Randy’s “Rants,” or watching George Carlin or Chris Rock, I expect an expletive or 3 (or with Carlin & Rock 23). If I’m on a conference call, I CHOOSE to say darn, instead of damn. It’s a matter of respect for those in the audience who don’t care for certain words. I can get my point across without them. AND, I grew up in Philadelphia where the “f” word with an ‘in’ ending was a grammatical requirement
It comes down to values & respect. One I favor when communicating to others is “Validate Don’t Violate.” I speak and write that way. I also read & listen that way.
Works for me AND I’m very clear, me ain’t you or anybody else. So when it comes to the use of language, I recommend the high road. Burg Blvd., you might say
Thanks Bob.
I appreciate you.
Thanks for raising this, Bob. It’s important and very rarely discussed. Let me begin this comment with a short story.
A few years ago I was the opening keynote speaker at a conference. I was also to participate in a panel during the luncheon. I went back to my room after my speech to do some work, then went downstairs for lunch.
The final speaker of the morning was still going, so I slipped into an empty seat in the audience. I was behind a couple who were listening intently.
All of a sudden, they stiffened. The speaker had just used the word “sucks.” That’s not uncommon these days, but it bothered the two people in front of me.
When I followed them into the dining room later, I listened to their conversation. The only thing they talked about from that last speaker was his word choice.
There are quite a few people out there like that couple. There are people who won’t buy Bob Sutton’s excellent book, The No Asshole Rule, because of the title. If you want to reach those people, you won’t do it by swearing.
I think there’s a distinct difference between private speech, with friends, and public speech. For me, the former may be an acceptable forum for strong language. The latter is not.
There are times when strong language is the best choice in a public communication, but that works best when the word or phrase stands out from the rest of the speech or article. You lose the power of strong language if you use it all the time.
It’s a question of who do you reach and what do they remember? That’s a question of effectiveness.
I’m sensitive to the need for authenticity. Every writer and speaker has to that out for themselves. But I but I’ve never had anyone suggest that I would have been more effective if I’d thrown a swearword or two into the mix.
I love telling folks that the “f” word is really an acronym that comes from the middle ages (at least it started in old England) that is “for unlawful carnal knowledge”. It graced signs that hung over the jail cells of folks caught doing such things in those days. Then I can’t help but add that “so sometimes when we use that word, we are simply acknowledging the fact that “unlawful carnal knowledge” occurred. I jest of course; but then some truth to my jest.
I understand that it is now in some dictionaries after being included in one that is slogans, colloquialisms and other words from the more seamy side of life – basically a ‘slang’ dictionary.
In the end, being in a dictionary of any language doesn’t necessarily make it the best use of language.
Linda
I’ve noticed that many people don’t even register that certain words are ‘crass/crude/cuss’ words anymore – as evidenced by what is commonly heard on prime time tv shows these days that would only have been allowed on late night cable shows just a few years ago. Working in a baseball dugout with college boys and salty coaches I’ve heard my fair share of colorful language, but the coaches at least made the occasional apology for using foul language in front of a lady – which would never occur to the boys.
I also worked at the high school level and those kids are no stranger to foul language, especially in the sports setting, but as someone who was an authority figure and therefore an ROLE MODEL, whether I wanted to be or not, I made darn sure that I never used foul language around them. Of course they laughed at my ‘Sugarbear!’ and ‘Fudgesicles!’ when I was frustrated, but really, they understood the exclamation without the offensive words.
If you can’t get your point across without using foul language, I suggest you spend some time with a thesaurus because you are not a very effective communicator.
Terrific post Bob! Looks like we’re all in agreement that what was once considered crude language has unfortunately now become part of the norm in our society. Unfortunately habits are difficult to break so if one is using the language regularly from stage or through social media channels it’s difficult to just turn off. We all have a choice to sit and listen or delete if necessary.
Your post is also a great reminder to notice what we might be saying and that’s totally cool!
What great responses from everyone. For me, I consciously choose not to use foul language in my conversations because I think it sounds uneducated. Granted, there are some times where no better words can describe a situation, but as a habit I don’t like it. I can remember when I moved from NY to AZ in my early 20’s and being from Queens we often used colorful language in everyday conversations. My first company review, my manager told me that my language detracted from my message and if I wanted to be heard I needed to clean it up. That stuck with me all these years later. So I understand the use of it when it is appropriate, but not as common practice.
Hi Bob,
It is my belief that those people who use foul language actually do more harm to their personal reputation than good.
Interesting fact: My daughter and I looked up the top grossing movies of all time and there was not ONE R rated movie in the top 25. That fact right there tells you there are people who won’t go to a movie if there is going to be bad language used.
In my book coming out next month, one of the 100 lessons in the book is titled, Playing the Odds. It talks about this very point. Knowing that there is a large percentage of people who are turned off by those people who swear, then why do it? What is the upside? There isn’t one! There is only a downside of ruining your reputation.
Succeeding in life is hard enough. In my opinion it is stupid to knowingly do something to make it harder to achieve your goals.
Todd
I cannot possibly express (with *any* kind of language) 🙂 exactly how grateful I am for all the feedback, comments and wisdom you all shared. Thank you!!!!!
It all comes down to freedom of choice and personal expression.
I would never have told Andy Warhol to paint more like Jackson Pollack and it would be unfair for me to suggest that a comedian limit their language while they paint a verbal picture.
Something people forget is stand-up comedy is a creative art form. If we stifle someone’s creativity we aren’t getting the very best they can offer.
In the late 1980’s there was a movement by some of the more “Hack” comedians to push comedy club owners to only books “clean” acts. It failed miserably because when people want to see comedy, they want to see someone who is genuine.
Another side effect of the 1980’s Stand-up explosion was the comedy world was an explosion of hack comedians. Seriously, how many times can someone complain about Airplane peanuts and make it feel fresh.
I’ll agree with your friend that tons of open mic’ers use curse words to shock their audience. However, if you talking about a headliner, I have to disagree with his highest compliment statement as a highest compliment should never come with a condition.
If people prefer clean comedy, they’ll make clean choices but personally When I enjoy an art form, I want that artist to bear their soul, why stifle that.
How ironically funny to be reading this today! We were JUST having this conversation last night with some friends over dinner. The overwhelming opinion was (and this was a young couple we sere speaking with~in their 20’s) that none of us really cared for stand-up too much. Why? Because of the vulgarity. It seems to me that if ‘comedians’ don’t have genuine wit combined with the talent to articulate it to their audience in such a way that it engages them, then too many stand up comedians resort to vulgarities. There is just nothing funny about that. Personally, I think a Gr8T comedian is a fantastic story-teller. One who can paint a picture and put you right there in the middle of the situation~making you feel what’s going on. It’s just too easy to shock and curse your way to the top these days. My .02 worth.
Great topic, Bob.
It bothers me less when I come across a speaker, blogger or tweeter for the first time and they use language that for me crosses the line. That’s what the Delete or Unfollow button is for.
What I find concerning is that some people I’ve regularly followed over the past year(s) seem to be jumping on the bad language wagon. They are using it in their sales pages, tweets, and public interactions.
At one point, this seemed so prevalent I tweeted something like, “OK, what guru is telling people it’s cool to swear in their sales pages and marketing? It’s not cool…”
One of the comments I got back suggested that he believes many entrepreneurs have a lot of angst these days and are using their marketing process as a way to empower themselves to share this
with the world. Interesting…
In answer to your questions, do I find it… funny? No
…authentic? Perhaps (and I have less of a problem with swearing if I do feel it resonates with how the person ticks, although I’m not an advocate of saying everything that comes to your mind).
…clever? Nope. I think more times than not it’s the easy way out and goes for the cheap shock factor.
Mollie
P.S. And you’re not being “uncool” – just classy as usual 🙂
Bob-thank you for speaking up about a subject that can be at times a bit controversial!
I am with you about the cussing thing….NOT cool where I come from. There is a time and place for a salty word, like when you stub your toe. But when you are writing and speaking and communicating with others in a public platform? Not so much.
Thank you for being YOU my friend!!
XOXO
Gigi Belmonico
Bob-thank you for speaking up about a subject that can be at times a bit controversial!
I am with you about the cussing thing….NOT cool where I come from. There is a time and place for a salty word, like when you stub your toe. But when you are writing and speaking and communicating with others in a public platform? Not so much.
Thank you for being YOU my friend!!
XOXO
Gigi Belmonico
Check out the quotation slideshow I did for Go-Givers Sell More at, slideboom.com/223455/
Wayne Kronz
Great blog! I actually love how it is easy on my eyes as well as the data are well written. I am wondering how I may be notified whenever a new post has been made. I have subscribed to your rss feed which should do the trick! Have a nice day!