Yes, people do things (good or bad, helpful or unhelpful, productive or counterproductive, charitable or uncharitable) for their own reasons, not ours. And, knowing this, we have two choices; complain that life shouldn’t be that way, or embrace the facts and utilize this principle for the benefit of all concerned.
If your request is not one with which the other person need comply, you must give them a personal benefit for taking action! As we learned from Dale Carnegie in Part One, find their reason, and present your request with that in mind.
Are you planning to ask your boss for a raise? Realize that the fact you are behind on your house payment and really need the money will not be enough of a motivator for her to comply. You’re much better served explaining that, based on past performance, you could help her come in significantly under budget on the next project. That, of course, would make her look great to her superiors when she is seeking her raise (In other words, it’s her reason).
Important point: Everyone’s “reason” is not necessarily money. Feeling good about oneself is often the most powerful motivator of all! Difficult people, in particular, tend to have a poor self-image. So take a genuine, personal interest in them. Show more respect than they might typically receive. Find out their “why.” What will press their emotional hot button and cause them to take the action you want them to take? What’s in it for them?
If you nail that answer, the chances are they — or anyone else — will bend over backwards to make you happy.
That’s win/win persuasion, or Winning Without Intimidation.
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Bob you have no idea how utterly relevant this post is for me at this very moment. I’ll spare you the details, but you just gave me the vantage point I needed for an important discussion I’ll be having today. Thank you thank you thank you! Not that I’m “keeping score”, but I definitely owe you one :o)
Bob,
Great point!
One of the greatest points is made in the first paragraph and that was…
“And, knowing this, we have two choices; complain that life shouldn’t be that way, or embrace the facts and utilize this principle for the benefit of all concerned.”
It is my belief that God has established a perfect system for us to work in, the problems arise when we want to buck that system and have it work to our advantage with out working the way the system was set up.
As I have heard Bob Proctor say a million times, nothing is good or bad. It simply IS. It is our perceptions and reactions to that situation that makes it good or bad.
I know that is a little off point but I hope it is helpful!
Keep up the great work, Bob!
Here’s to your LifetoSuccess,
John Clark
Perfect timing BOB!
I have had previous talks with a client who was not willing to work with “my needs”. It wasnt looking good for me, but I knew I had to use my God given voice, to at least try one more time, so I had scheduled a meeting with him for this morning.
I read this article directly before a meeting and my goal of begging for mercy “because we have been doing business together for 13 years”, changed to, “It will greatly benefit you to help me, so that I can stay one of your top 5 retailers, for years to come…..etc” When put this way Bob, there was no hesitation on his part. He actually offered me more help than I had needed.
Bob, my “apple cart” was tilting the wrong way, until today. You may quite possibly have saved my business.
Your wisdom blows me away….. I look forward to my iphone dinging at any hour of the day saying, “Bob Burg has tweeted.” (I love yours and Dondi’s daily tweets.)
WOW. Thank you for these very relevant posts!
Linda: Thank YOU for sharing that. And, please let us know the result of your discussion if it’s something you would like to share, as well.
John: Thank you. Very glad you noticed that. And, it isn’t “off point” at all. On the contrary, it is a very key point. Thank you.
Bob,
It’s also a tendency of people to push back whatever you’re pushing on them. Which is why your strategy of asking for something by telling the other person that it is perfectly okay and understandable if they can’t or won’t do it is such a beautiful thing 🙂
If you put something in the perspective of I need this, even if there is something in it for them, they might say “no” just because of your appearance of desperation or because they feel like you don’t care for their needs.
Regards,
Beth Bridges
The Networking Motivator ™
Bob,
After reading Beth’s comment, I guess I got lucky in my meeting. I’m glad she commented here. I certainly went in with an “I need you to stay exclusive with me”, approach. (my bad). I hope I didnt come off to him as not caring about his needs.
Any more advice on how NOT to go into a meeting when feeling desperate? I was in fact desperate for him not to open up with a competitor….it could have meant a bad outcome for me.
Amy
Amy,
You have a gorgeous home page!
It’s hard to not feel desperate in this economy, but that is the most dangerous thing possible – I think – in a sales situation. I see it very often with the people who network in my organization. You can tell those who have a full pipeline of prospects, they are relaxed, which is attractive so they get more leads, so they relax more… etc.
If your client had gone with a competitor, it would have been a bad outcome for you, but what about the client? What would be the best outcome for HIM?
Thinking “I need this client so badly” gives you a very different energy than “He could be helped so much.” The former feels like desperation and the latter feels like enthusiasm.
Enthusiasm is a much better feeling for both parties!
Regards,
Beth