Let’s never confuse being nice with not getting what we want. Yes, we should be nice…and we should get what we want. But, what about those times when the other person just doesn’t seem to “get the drift” and understand what he or she can do in order to help?
In other words, they seem to be living in the problem and not the solution. And, let’s face it, the majority of people grow up problem-oriented as opposed to solution-oriented. How can we overcome that, and create a win for all?
Martin from Pennsylvania writes:
“Being nice is great, but what if the person you’re dealing with just isn’t providing the help you need and you have no other option? Do you walk away and let it go at that? Why should their problem be your problem. That seems very dissatisfying to me. Do I have to simply accept that?
Martin, that’s an excellent question. Although there are times we do have to just walk away and say “Next”, those times are quite rare. In fact, extremely rare. Keep in mind that it’s “WINNING” Without Intimidation we are talking about, not “losing” (either you or they).
What we often need to do, however, is to help the other person – as my friend, Thomas Hudson says – “live in the solution instead of the problem.” As long as this is done with tact and kindness, everyone wins.
International Leadership authority and mega-bestselling author, Dr. John Maxwell tells the story of the time he ordered a double cheeseburger. The counter person told him they don’t serve double cheeseburgers. Dr. Maxwell asked, “Are you sure?” The young fellow replied, “Absolutely sure.”
Dr. Maxwell, in a very polite manner, then asked, “I’ll tell you what then – could you possibly make me two cheeseburgers, but on the second one, leave out the bread?”
The answer? “Sure, no problem.” 🙂
Your goal (since it probably won’t be the other person’s) is to always live in the solution. Acknowledge the problem but focus on the solution. As you do this more and more, it will become natural to you and half the fun.
So, remember, for the most part, the recipe to dealing with those living In the problem…is to add just a touch of solution.