It’s human nature to want people to do what we want them to do. And, there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, providing we also care about how the outcome affects them. So, how do we get people to do what we want, in a way they can benefit and feel like a winner, as well? Through Positive Persuasion (a/k/a, Winning Without Intimidation) of course. 🙂
In doing so, we must keep certain principles in mind, and base our win/win methods on those principles. In his classic, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie taught us that “people do things for their reasons, not ours.” Thus, if you truly want to persuade someone to do something they might not normally be inclined to do, he suggests that “you must make your reason, their reason.”
Asking yourself, “What’s in it for them?” is always an appropriate question to ask when desiring to persuade someone else to take your point of view.
Again, what Mr. Carnegie taught is so important, I’d like to repeat it here. You might even choose to write this down and put it somewhere you can continually see it until internalized:
“People do things for their reasons, not ours. So make your reason, their reason.”
Yes, all actions we as humans beings take are based on self-interest?
“WHAT?” one might exclaim. “NO WAY! What about charity and other selfless, totally altruistic actions. Are you trying to say that is based on self-interest, as well?!!”
Good question. And, we’ll answer that in Part Two.
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I’m looking forward to read Part Two as I recall a conversation I had with my mother on that subject a few years ago…
Love it Bob! “People do things for their reasons, not ours. So make your reasons their reasons” I wrote it down and will really THINK on this today…and probably tomorrow. Thank you.
Simple. Brilliant. And not just for salespeople. I had a conversation with my wife just this weekend about why I do (and don’t do) certain things — because I’d like it to be MY reason. Often, even if it’s her idea, I need time to hear it, adopt it, and make it my own before I’m inspired to really do it. And when I do, the quality of the outcome is usually better, and everybody wins.
In some form or another even our charitable donations are a version of self interest. Many people donate because it makes them as a person feel better and a more important member of society. There was an interesting study done not long ago about VERY wealthy people who suffered from depression. As a group they got together and started charitable organizations. This brought them out of their depression because they felt better about themselves and what they could offer. Granted it helped many people in need but it was born out of self interest to help their depression. I apologize for not remembering the name of the study.
I am really looking forward to part deux. My thoughts are even so with charity. Some may do it to rid guilt, others to feel better about themselves…but no matter why everyone wins win charitable activities are done. Just my humble opinion.
I agree with Bob
That is has to become their idea and their desire as well, even in raising children (and I have 5 two with special needs) they, at an early age wanted it to be what they wanted to do… you have to learn to adapt what you want to fit the desire and needs of those involved in your getting it, and then your outcome ultuimately becomes much better than trying to FORCE your wants and desires on others, without it benefitting them in some way and that by no means has to be monitary every time, it can be emotional gratification, moral gratification, or financial…. there are MANY reasons that people do things, once you know what is important to THEM you can genrerally speaking have anyting you want….
Thank you so much. Enjoying ALL your comments!
I’m in agreement with Linda…will write that statement down and “marinate” in it for a bit. However, I know that IF I suggest a certain way/reason to do something, more often that not, my old boss would brush it off for a few days…and then, WHAM….He’d present “his” idea at the next staff meeting. It didn’t matter to me, that I was not given the credit :=) …I was just tickled that, like Joe B., said in his post, he had to ‘make it his own” before proceeding forward.
Great topic, Bob !! Look forward to part deaux, teaux !!
What a wonderful balance and reminder, Bob! It is so essential to get inside the other person for a moment to see through his/her eyes and to sense that person’s heartbeat. It is both pragmatic and the right thing to do. Recent studies in the science of empathy suggest that it is one of the key qualities that differentiate humans from other species. We can empathize and that has made us successful in not only getting to our own goals, but living in productive and cooperative communities. Though my world of “marketing” reinforces such motives more blatantly than some others, it is true for all that we need to tune into the motives, desires, and needs of all of our “customers,” including those to whom we write pay checks. Best blessings to you, Bob, as you keep reminding us of vital and practical “home truths.”