Mortified: Humiliated or shamed.
That’s what I was last Friday afternoon, and it was my own fault.
It began that morning during my visit to an Ear, Nose & Throat Specialist I was referred to by my physician. I’ve been having some challenges with laryngitis (that’s not good for a speaker to have, right?) 😉 and he was going through some of my history with me.
“I see you had your nose operated on.”
“Yes, 15 years ago. Unfortunately, however, the Dr., Dr. _______ really messed it up. He told me afterward there were so many tiny broken bones he decided to just compact them. Since then, my breathing has gotten worse, not better. I don’t know if he’s even still in the area.”
Then, at about 1:30 P.M. the mortification set in.
I suddenly realized I had given the wrong name of the other doctor. This was another EN&T practitioner I’d visited several years ago regarding an ear challenge and who was very good. For some reason I had simply confused the names of the two previous doctors.
All I could think of is that my current EN&T doc might know the other one and think ill of him, and for no reason other than that I happened to confuse a name.
I had gossiped big-time and had to rectify it. But, what damage might already have occurred? Could my new doctor have already mentioned the innocent doctor’s name to one of their mutual peers, and so on?
Fortunately, although he was now between offices, I was able to get a message to him with the basic info that I had given him the incorrect name and to please call me, which he did.
How could my gossip (unintentional as it was, but still just as potentially harmful) have been avoided? Simply by not even attempting to mention the name of the first doctor from 15 years ago. There was really no reason to. The chances are that — if the current doctor knew him — he’d know if he was good or not.*
There was simply no reason to have named names in this case. And, rationalize as I might, I had gossiped. And, it could have resulted in ruining a man’s reputation.
Fortunately, it didn’t.
I’m still mortified.
———-
*The reason that what I did qualifies as gossip is because there was no need to share the name. However, if someone came to me for advice regarding potentially using that first doctor, it would be my responsibility to share my experience. It would not be gossip so long as several criteria are met, which I’ll explain in a future article.
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Hi Bob, First time responder here, I just felt that I am suppose to say my opinion on this, you are absolutely right that if there’s no need of mentioning the name and it is mentioned that is gossip according jewish law. Thanks for letting me share and for all that u do for me by reading you’re blogs, you r amazing!
Bob,
It’s amazing how those small little slip ups come to bite in the a**! As unintentional as it was.
Thank goodness, you were able to reach the doctor and rectify the situation.
I’ve heard you speak about gossip on several occasions and since listening to you, I have not done nor do I participate in even listening to it.
I think a lot of people do it just because it helps them deal with the short comings that they feel about themselves and to be able to drag others down is a way for them to feel better about themselves.
Not that you were doing that. It seems to me that you were just sounding off some feelings you had about something that was an unfortunate event for you and ended up mentioning a name even though it was the wrong name. To be honest with you, I don’t even know if I would consider that gossip because it was a “real” event for you but I do understand your point.
There is never a good time to mention anyones name in a negative light.
Keep up the great work, Bob!
Here’s to Your LifetoSuccess,
John Clark
Bob,
Do this….Deep breathe in through your nose, exhale through your mouth & repeat! Ha-ha! If that doesn’t help….repeat the phrase while extending arms out to each side…goooozzzzz fraaa bahhh!
Then…begin to sing…..♫ ♪I am pretty, oh so pretty♪♫♪….(well… it worked for Adam Sandler in Anger Management!) Ha-Ha! Lighten up my friend! 🙂
Serious….can you be more humble? Many people would never give it a second thought about throwing people under the bus, gossiping, or projecting blame, much less admit it via social media! While I regret the pain of you being mortified, this proves you sincerely practice what you blog!
Thank you for sharing your humiliation and teaching us the importance of your recent blog concerning thinking b/f we speak!! Also how we should treat everyone with respect.
This is a perfect illustration we should use to begin our week!
g
Bob,
Most would not consider this gossip, a professional made a mistake that created issues for you and you relayed that information. We have probably all done this at one time or another with some type of professional or business. So it would “seem” it was appropriate.
What if the mistake had not occurred to you? What if the Doctor had shared your experience with other colleague’s or other patient’s that were working with that Doctor?
This experience provided a valuable lesson, thanks for being willing to share your humiliation to make us better!
I would agree with Edie. I don’t see that as gossip but sharing relevant medical history with your doctor. Of course mixing up the names was a mistake and you rectified it as soon as you realized.
-RG
Bob,
There’s a big difference between deliberate intent and a “slip of the tongue.” You meant no harm. Sometimes my mind works faster than my mouth, too. Give yourself some grace – you deserve it.
Alex
I agree with Alex, Randy and Edie. To me the word gossip includes malicious intent, or to speak ill of others to make oneself feel better. I don’t see that you did either one of those things and as soon as you saw the problem you corrected it. it happens to all of us at some time or another and how you correct your mistake is what makes you the true person you are.
As I see it, Bob, whether we label it gossip or not is irrelevant. What did happen was that in a moment of not-thinking you acted in a way that wasn’t in alignment with your personal sense of integrity. It happens to all of us. What matters is that you remedied the situation and allowed yourself to grow as a result. Angels can do no more! I’m hoping you are forgiving yourself big-time. As my grandmother would have said, “The lesson was cheap at the price.” I continue to be impressed with your level of integrity.
Bob,
I appreciate your situation, having been there myself, but I really don’t think you are guilty of gossip. You were giving an opinion to your Doctor. It’s unfortunate that your opinion misstated the guilty doctor but you rectified the mistake ASAP.
Try as we may, each of us falls short of perfection every day. Welcome to the human race…I still love you, man. 🙂
Hi Bob,
After reading your post I sat back in my office chair and took a deep breath and thought, “oh boy.”
This last year I’ve worked hard on “thinking before I talk.” I’ve been told in the past that I lack tact.
For me, personally, I’m thinking more about how I comment on FB, Twitter and all social sites, being sure, that what I say will only edify and build up.
Mixing up the doctors names seems like something I would check off as middle age. (-:
But I understand where you’re coming from when you make a decision not to talk about others mistakes and you find yourself slipping up.
I hear the little “voice” saying to me…”Debby, just stay quite and think before you speak.” Thank God for my voice…it helps! (-:
Debby Beachy db
Hi everyone, thank you for ALL your awesome comments and words of encouragement. My apologies for not responding individually. Away much of the day. Please know, however, that I read every one of your comments and appreciate you GREATLY!! Thank you for taking the time to share, teach and encourage.
Greetings All, This is my first post on this blog. Very interesting how being impeccable with our word can affect our own inner peace. How many times have any of us had a bad day or made a bad decision that inadvertently hurt someone else? Who would want people speaking of us in a negative light because of it? This is an area of growth that some of the eastern cultures have mastered. When we speak ill of others it really reflects more on ourselves than anyone else.
If you think about it, what sort of impression do you get of someone when you hear them complaining and condemning someone else?
In this instance, forgiveness is a tool that could play a big part in letting go of the old story that keeps us in a feeling of loss or lack. I recently did an event with a “partner” whom I took at his word. I exposed myself financially and got burned in a big way. It so happens that this persons’ business sits on a plot of land that abuts a river drive which I absolutely love to take whenever I can. I wanted to shout to the world how he had hurt me. I was ready to go to the press and tell my story. Instead I moved into a place of forgiveness. As a result, I can now be peaceful in knowing that his behavior has hurt him in the fact that he has lost my respect and trust, and anything that might have come to him in the way of business or friendship is no longer available to him. Meanwhile, I drive by that way whenever I can and still get a sense of peace at the view…
I was glad to be able to change my story so I would not be hurt by it any more. The things we hold onto are the things that determine our peace and happiness. I wish you all good stories and light hearts.