In Part 1 we looked at the concept of going out of our way to be kind to those people who are in positions where they are usually not shown a great deal of respect. We do this simply because it’s the right way to be. The fact is, however, at times it will also pay huge dividends.
As promised at the end, today’s illustration will feature an example that is absolutely not usual or duplicatable. But it sure is a cool story with a great lesson.
It showcases the extra-special abilities of Hall of Fame quarterback and now highly successful entrepreneur, Fran Tarkenton. As a quarterback, and a small one at only 5’10”, Fran was continually the target of the huge, tough, often merciless defensive linemen.
Linemen can be mean to quarterbacks. They’re supposed to be. That’s their job. On top of that, they know they don’t earn the kind of money most quarterbacks earn and they certainly don’t enjoy the same adulation and glory. Those 320+ pound guys can be downright rough on the Fran Tarkentons of the world.
But Fran is a master of people skills. He is now, and certainly was back then. According to his former teammate, Ahmad Rashad, after a particularly rough hit, Fran would acknowledge his attacker by saying something like, “Great day for football, isn’t it?” or “Man, that was quite a hit.”
These guys weren’t exactly used to quarterbacks actually talking to them in more than four letter words – and they certainly weren’t used to being treated as human beings.
Before long, they weren’t quite as aggressive, mean and nasty with Fran. Sure, they’d still hit him, but they wouldn’t rough him up as they did other quarterbacks. He took the anger out of them and probably added years to his Hall of Fame career.
Wow, that’s when Winning Without intimidation really comes in handy – when your life depends upon it!
Of course, most of us aren’t professional quarterbacks, or otherwise chased by wild-eyed, maniacal, and just plain nasty very large human beings even for non-athletic reasons…I hope. So, let’s go back to how we treat those who are generally not treated with a great deal of respect by other people. This also applies to anyone who may not seem to be in a position to do something for us.
Maybe they are the one in need. As mentioned earlier, do you think of them as important and significant human beings? Do you genuinely feel that way on the inside {so that your feelings radiate on the outside}? Yes, it does make a definite difference. And that alone is enough. However, it also almost ensures they’ll go out of their way to make sure you are happy if that’s something the situation calls for.
Again, that’s not the reason you treat everyone with respect, kindness and dignity . . . just the “result.”
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Hey Bob,
In my mind, we’re all equals worthy or respect. This notion that people with a lot of education, a fancy job title, a bigger house or some other “more of” deserve more respect lies at the root of our collective problems. So what?
My motto: everyone has something to teach me. I want to be open to receiving it. If I refuse to mingle with half the population because they don’t measure up to some fictitious standard, I lose half my learning opportunities.
Enjoy!
Giulietta
Good morning Bob (and Giulietta)! I am definitely not a professional Quarterback ~ but I am a little surprised to learn that it’s uncommon to be chased by wild-eyed, maniacal, and just plain nasty, very large, human beings. I’m going to have to look at that aspect of my life a little more closely now that I know there’s another way.
The Parent/Teacher relationship came to mind as I read through your Fran Tarkenton example. This is such sensitive ground to begin with ~ parents have a lot invested in the way their children are treated and perceived, so do teachers – but at a one-step removed level.
When a teacher has a situation to discuss with a parent about behaviour modification or potential learning struggles ~ many parents respond defensively, missing the value of the information being shared and seeing a challenge to their parenting abilities or family image instead. Over time, this can cause an erosion in respect — and the child suffers as no one is effectively supporting him/her through the challenges s/he may be facing.
Not taking things personally and not making assumptions about the ‘true message’ being imparted frees you to work to increasing new levels with others ~ respectfully. And that is a win-win for all.
Now, I must flee ~ as the wild eyed maniacals are thundering up the street as I type …
Stab….”do you think of them as important and significant human beings?” Why is this so difficult to remember when you are faced with maniacs? Not 300+# ones, but the ones that just make you crazy with their responses to you!
I know this is when I constantly remind myself to exercise emotional intelligence at it’s highest form. Not merely in my words, but at this point, in facial expressions & body language.
Each “maniac” I overcome prepares me for the next one, but more importantly helps me “duplicate” that form of response/result in my team.
As always….you are appreciated!
g
Hi Giulietta and SallyG. I appreciate both of you sharing with us. Giulietta, I thank that often the case isn’t necessarily that someone thinks less of others because of their position as much as they just don’t consider how important it might be for that person to be treated kindly and with respect. So, instead of going out of their way for that person, they simply ignore them as they ignore others. The point of the article was more that these are the very people who our courtesy, respect and kindness can most deeply touch. Sally, yes, believe it or not, most of us do not find ourselves being chased down by 325+ pound professional linemen whose intent is to maim us. Gosh, I don’t know what universe you’ve been living in. ;-). Seriously, great point regarding teachers and parent. Hmm, I think I sense another SallyG blog post coming!
Bob,
Another GREAT one!
I wish I could say that I always keep this perspective-but I catch myself sometimes thinking of others in a way that is disrespectful (and YES, you are right,it does make a difference).
As one who travels a lot, I get to winess first hand both sides of this Sometimes, just for fun, when there is a cancelled flight, I will watch how people react. Almost everytime, the people treat the gate agents disrespectfully, get the shaft, and those of us who treat the same agents with respect, end up with a solution to our problem-when one is available.
One way that I try to keep myself grounded is to focus on how much of what has shaped my life in a positive way-happened without me being involved-my parents, where I was born, the schools I attended, great teachers., etc..!! The list is extremely long.
Steve, thank you for sharing. Valuable insight, as always. How true about the airlines and gate agents. I’m amazed every time I see such counter-productive behavior.
Geneva, thank you for your suggestions. Reframes such as yours are so important to stay conscious of.
Standing in the crowded elevator about to head up. Doors closing. I hear squeaky wheels rolling quickly toward us so I stick my hand out to stop the doors from closing. It’s someone on the janitorial staff with a mop bucket full of water. He’s clearly relieved that he caught the elevator and I get a quiet “thanks” as the doors close and three people behind me let out their “give me a break” sighs.
10 floors later it’s just me and the janitor. He pulls the stop button, thanks me for my kindness and says “I don’t recognize you. Where are you heading?”
I tell him I have a sales appointment with Joe Jones on 12.
“Joe is tough, but he’s fair. At some point early on he’ll challenge you to see whether you’re willing to stand up for what you believe. I can’t promise you’ll close a sale, but if you don’t back down you’ll earn a friend.”
Joe Jones challenged me. I stood my ground. I left with a great sale in my pocket and a line of referrals that lasts me to this very day.
Never saw the janitor again.
Gill, that was AWESOME, my friend. Thank you so much for sharing that!!