A Facebook reader, in response to my article on The Go-Giver.com blog on misunderstanding false premises regarding being a Go-Giver asked:
Don’t you just sometimes wonder if people are really thinking?
Thank you for your question. Here’s what I believe happens: As human beings, our minds are programmed from an early age (through a combination of upbringing, environment, schooling, news media, television/movies, etc.) to see the world – and certain aspects of the world – in certain ways. And, we tend to make decisions and form conclusions based on very, very little information, and always in alignment w our learned belief systems.
While this can, at times, serve us, it often really messes up our thought process (or, “non-thought” process, hence the question of “wondering if people are actually thinking”) 🙂 And, when you now add to the mix the very emotional topic of money…wow, it can confuse a lot of people!
Something I find fascinating is when posting a quote and providing my interpretation of that quote, and then receiving reader feedback and comments. While most will have an opinion of the quote, and either agree or disagree with my interpretation, we appear to be looking at the same quote.
Others, on the other hand, will reply in a way that – if I didn’t know better – I’d think they were responding to an entirely different set of words. However, when dissecting their response, it’s obvious they are seeing the quote and/my interpretation through an entirely different lens; something very, very specific to them. Not being able to read minds, I don’t know exactly what that would be, but it’s obvious it is coming from a very personal, unique and individual place.
In answer to your question, sure, it frustrates me when I feel people don’t think things through as “I” might like them to. But, I also understand that human nature is human nature. And, that more often than I’d like to admit, I’m guilty of doing the same thing when it comes to my belief systems and personal biases.
Thank you so much for your very “thought-provoking” question. 🙂
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Hi Bob
Great post. I think the way we now speak and deal with people is a little like a butterfly going from flower to flower. As a consequence, there is a temptation to be thinking about the next interaction and not dwelling on and taking about the conversation that you are then having. This is a little bit like the typical client or customer function where a lot people prowl the room looking for the next target. I am of the view that if more time was taken in seeing what people could learn from someone else they would have to apply a much greater level of listening and consequently they might actually engage more.
Best wishes
Julian
People are usually thinking but they are just not thinking what you are thinking.
I did a presentation yesterday that I thought was going well. The prospect agreed with me on
every point and even commented a time or two in a positive way.
My close was Mrs. Prospect, on a scale of 1-10, one being that you have no interest, and ten
being you are ready to start, where are you on that scale? She said a one. That is a first for me.
Based on everything she said I was expecting an 8 or a 9.
The next question,”what would it take to get you to a ten?”, never got spoken.
I believe that she was thinking, “I will just be agreeable and get through this and say no.”
Has that ever happened to you “yes, yes, yes, yes, no?
Bob— my experience (as a human being and a teacher/coach— which are sometimes different ) is it’s not so much a “thinking” problem as a LISTENING one. Simply (rudely) put, people do not listen— with their eyes or their ears.
Lost “art” some say. I say, lost “skill,” and because it is it can be found and developed.
BTW, for fun and no strings attached (nothing to sell or buy) you can take this short quiz to learn how good a listener you are: http://SpeakingAndListening.com/Quiz.
It WILL help you be aware of those areas where you limit yourself from fully listening to other people.
Thanks.
I appreciate you.
Great observations, Bob, both here and on your Go-Giver blog. It definitely makes for interesting discussion!
Good luck in Orlando!
Looking forward,
– Jonathan Flaks