Over the past two articles we’ve been discussing that, as human beings, we tend to make decisions (even – and perhaps, especially – major ones) emotionally. We then support those emotional decisions with logic or rationalization. In the previous article, I told a story on myself that – while it happened a long time ago – followed the same basic principles of decision these things most likely always have and always will follow.
Much of the feedback and questions came to me via email and Facebook. Today, I’d like to discuss one letter I received because I believe the very thought brings up an important question.
Jean asked:
“Does that mean I shouldn’t have bought my new car? LOL! Just kidding! If you are going to drive you might as well enjoy it! 🙂 … or is that more of… oh well!”
While I think Jean meant that at least somewhat “tongue-in-cheek” I’m bringing it up here because several people wrote with a variation of that question and were completely serious.
My response:
Not at all, Jean. As mentioned in the article, the fact that we buy emotionally isn’t necessarily good or bad; it just is. As long as we’re on top of it, recognize it, and are ultimately in control of our emotions, it’s fine. If you can afford it and you want it, if it will bring you joy, and its purchase won’t infringe upon the rights of anyone else, why shouldn’t you have it?
My friend, Randy Gage, who publishes the Success & Prosperity Blog, covered something similar in two of his recent posts, discussing the fact that there is a difference between spending money you don’t have in a way that will be counter-productive to your financial health and well-being…and enjoying the fruits of your labor, treating yourself as you should be treated and enjoying your life to the fullest.
That was very much a paraphrase of Randy’s excellent advice. The point, though, is that the fact that your decision to do or not to do something was based on emotion is not – in and of itself – a negative thing. Nor is it a positive thing. It just is what it is; a natural part of the human decision-making process.
I’m more concerned about the emotional decisions we make that we don’t recognize and/or acknowledge are emotional and happen to not be in our best interests. As adult individuals we are responsible for our decisions and the positive or negative results they bring. Thus, it is imperative that, while we act out of emotion, we don’t use that as an excuse for doing something that might feel good now and come back to haunt us later. And, saying that “it seemed logical at the time” – while it might allow us to feel like a victim, it sure won’t allow us to come away feeling like a winner.
In the next article, we’ll continue along this line and look at it from a seller’s perspective.
Now, I’ll take that Banana Split please…with a Diet Coke on the side. 🙂
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Bob,
This is a classic discussion. Very funny and thought provoking. One framework that might be relevant to furthering the conversation here is what I refer to as The Pain Paradox. It simply states that things that feel good in the short term (indulgence) often have negative long term consequences and things that are challenging in the short term (self-control) often have positive long term consequences.
It’s always a balance and as you and Randy both mention it seems like it is more to do with just having intention and awareness when making decisions.
The Pain Paradox is just one more thing for folks to consider during their “decision-making” process. That’s why as a general life philosophy I opt for discipline and encourage others to “Take the Stairs” as well.
I had read Randy’s blog as well and I think you captured the core message well which helped me internalize it. Thanks for being a stud. Tom Ziglar had the nicest things to say about you.
See you in the stairwell,
Rory Vaden
Excellent! Awareness and understanding about why we do what we do. Great thoughts from Randy’s blog too. Are my actions taking me closer to my long term goals or further from them. I’ve enjoyed this series and the discussion it has inspired. As always Bob, thank you!
Bob, Thanks for this post. It inspired me to think for a moment about making decisions void of emotion, strictly on the logical linear side. Doing so would disconnect us from much of the intuitive process that leads to rich, fulfilling lives. Arguing for using either approach misses the deeper point that we have been given both abilities to use them in harmony with one another. Covey wrote about synergy being one of the 7 Habits…synergy within ourselves, tapping all our gifts is a great place to start.
Hey dude,
I appreciate the shout out. And glad you got to the meat of the issue here, which is when we make emotional decisions that we don’t recognize and/or acknowledge are emotional and happen to not be in our best interests. That’s the real key.
-RG
Check out the book, “How We Decide” by Jonah Lehrer. Despite the cultural lionization of logical decisions, complex decisions are actually better when made by the gut/emotions.
WOW – what terrific comments. Thank you.
Dondi: Your admonition to ask ourselves, “Are my actions taking me closer to my long term goals or further from them?” is perfect. If we can manage to ask ourselves that at any time during the “emotional decision-making process” we are nine steps ahead in the game…in a ten-step game. Thank you.
John: Quoting you, “Arguing for using either approach misses the deeper point that we have been given both abilities to use them in harmony with one another.” That’s awesome. It isn’t an “either-or”…it’s tapping into how we’ve been created and utilizing that in a positive way. Thank you.
Randy: Thank YOU, both for your wisdom in the article, and your comment above. Yes, recognition and acknowledgment of such is SO important; so vital to the process of living an emotionally-healthy (and all other forms of healthy) life!
Rory, very true, my friend. Thank you for your contribution. And, thank you for passing along Tom Ziglar’s very kind words. He’s a great guy. Looking forward to having him and his Dad speaking at our upcoming Extreme Business Makeovers event in Orlando in April. By the way, I enjoyed the interview you did with Zig. Way to go!
Hi Itg, didn’t mean to ignore you. For some reason our two posts crossed paths. I’ve never read the book by Jonah Lehrer but have certainly read articles and studies on this topic. While, of course, I cannot comment intelligently on a book I have never read – including the definitive statement that you made regarding it – I’m not sure that we’re necessarily talking about the same thing. And, while certainly we as human beings have been programmed with certain emotions and feelings that help us make correct decisions, to say that it’s an “either/or”…that complex decisions are *better* when made with the gut (is he saying “only the gut? Surely not), seems a bit difficult to accept. Again, I haven’t read the book. I can’t imagine the author saying that there should be “no logic involved.” Do you see what I’m saying? The “soundbite” style of your comment seems to be dogmatically saying something and I’m not quite sure that’s the entire story. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.
There is actually no such thing as decisions “void of emotion”, because even when we think we are being rational, we are actually justifying much of our feelings and values. Self-awareness is at the root of all success in life. This includes understanding your emotions, owning them, enjoying what they bring to you. Emotions balanced with grounding in reality create possibility for us, make life exciting and dynamic. Great post, Bob…food for thought and … fuel for passion!
Well said, Monica. Very well said! Thank you!