My good friend and business partner in my Endless Referrals Licensing/Coaching program, Paul Martinelli, recently posted one of his Daily Thoughts that read:
“Very often, a change of self is needed more than a change of scene.”
Yep – I well remember being there. Not only bought that particular tee-shirt but wore it many times. And I’ve seen – and continue to see – many others do the same, jumping to the next best “thing” (job, opportunity, deal, investment, relationship, etc.).
And, they are so excited about it…until they decide it wasn’t right for them and they move; even jump along to the next. Typically, with the same results.
I enjoyed Paul’s saying so much that I posted it on my Facebook page, where one person commented, “Yes, but a change of scenery can be very refreshing.”
And, she is right. A change of scenery is not only refreshing; in certain circumstances, it’s the correct choice to make.
However, I believe Paul’s point was that – assuming, in terms of personal growth and development, we are not at the level we believe we should be – if we don’t first change ourselves (i.e., build a better self) then no matter where we go, who we meet, whatever new situation we find ourselves in, we’re still going to have the same basic problem…ourselves.
Once we change ourselves, then sure, new scenery, based on a well-thought out decision, may bring with it new opportunities for growth and expansion.
Question: have you – at some time in your life – fallen into the “grass is greener” mindset when the correct course of action was simply to improve your own lawn? How are you doing with that now? When you make an outside change, do you see a difference in results based on the internal changes you’ve made? Please share your thoughts and experiences with us.
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Great post Bob, for the last few years self development and understanding self has been so fascinating for me. The human Mind is one of the most powerful tool know to human kind. Finding my mentor Bob Proctor who is one phenomenal human being and his approach to guiding our own Mind has changed my life.
As for your favourite phrase: “Very often, a change of self is needed more than a change of scene.” could not have said it better. Everyone should read it every day a few times until they really understand it and then do something with what they understood….That is how I started…
Sending good energy your way my friend.
Lorena
Bob,
This is so prevalant in our society today. The sad thing is adults adopt this mentality & then pass it on to their kids!! STOP THE MADDNESS!
The ”grass is greener” mentality is only a temporary fix. The root of the problem is carried into business ventures, jobs, churches, & most often– relationships. As a singles director I encouraged people to ”clean the junk from the trunk”, before attempting a new relationship. I guess this could equate to having a ”garage sale” with all the ”t-shirts”!!
We can break cyclic behavior by changing our associations, disciplining our thoughts, gaining new information, creating new habits & stop shopping for that next ” t-shirt”.
As always…you speak the truth, seasoned with salt!!
I so much look forward to meeting you in May.
Bob,
Again great commentary, and an even better question!
First, for those of you who might have “fallen in the grass is greener” goose chase, those fields are full of fertilizer, which explains both the green and the smell-it stinks! However, as a caution, there are sometimes a series of experiences that are needed to be prepared for what is coming, so I encourage those who are finding themselves in a whirlwind of change (but not seeking the next best thing) not to be discouraged. These scenarios are often confused, especially by well meaning people who are quick to counsel everyone to be more stable.
I have experiece this constant change of scenes in my own professional life, but am starting to see how these experiences have uniquely prepared me to accomplish a much bigger goal then I could have dreamed just a few short years ago. So, with the determination of Magellan or Edison-PRESS ON!
Having said that, I agree wholeheartedly with Bob, no change will have any current or future value without a constant personal development plan.For me, it is imperative that I have a few people in my life who know everythig about me, and won’t except my excuses-personal and professional.
Bob, thanks for this! I want to leave any readers who didn’t fall to sleep already with this quote by Thomas Edison, “Many of life’s failures were people who didn’t realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”
I think that what we tend to do sometimes is jump vehicles while keeping our overall goals the same. I think that it’s in a way essential to try different vehicles for reaching our goals just as a means to an end and to evaluate which vehicle works best in our personal case. It’s sort of like choosing the right car or the right girlfriend. We have to gain experience in order to make an educated choice on how to go about reaching our overall goals.
Good morning, my friend. It’s the old…everywhere you go, there you are. In my book, it’s ALWAYS an inside job 🙂 More coffee please.
Some very thought provoking questions… I will need to reflect… As first glance I seem to be the one who ventures towards the “bare spots” with the attitude of let’s see if we (I) can fill it in with growth. So I guess the “greener grass” does not call to me, yet the “barren plot: says, come help…
Great blog, awesome insight and thought provoking. Thanks for sharing!
Great insight in Phil’s quote, thank you for sharing it and adding your brilliant insight as well.
Find this so true, when I change the outside and not the inside, nothing changes. However, when I change the inside and not the outside EVERYTHING changes. I have seen this happen in my own personal life many times.
Thanks for the reminder because the grass is only greener from a distance….when you fertilize your own it is splendidly green right where you are at.
I fell into that “grass is greener” mindset for 30 years! Now I would agree that sometimes a change of scenery is warranted. But instead of “very often,” I would say “Almost always” a change in self is needed more. The change in scenery only works if the change is self was done first.
-RG
Personally, I rarely fell for the “Grass is Greener” thing. My challenge was not recognizing that I was standing on a bare patch of ground. For the longest time in so many areas of my life, both personal and professional, I was just waiting for the grass to start growing under my feet. It wasn’t until I started training at the local martial arts school that I started figuring out that I had to become the kind of person who deserved green grass.
Now, did I change my career? Yes. But it was only after a fair amount of soul-searching which allowed me to realize that my job at the time (which I had held for 17 years) was no longer *who* I was. I guess, a change of self includes a change in viewpoint which can lead to a change in scenery.
Great post, Bob!
Another great post my friend.
I spent years looking for that greener pasture. I was always searching for a new adrenaline based rush from a new sport, new whatever I could find. My motivation was deeply buried in my subconscious – based on some ugly childhood memories that I buried for decades. But – it drove me ragged. Always looking for someplace else where I could show yet again that I was ‘good enough’ – dancing as fast as I could to avoid ugly consequences. How’s that for a dichotomy? I found safety in extreme crazy sports!
That wore me out. I surely saw a lot of the world, climbed some pretty gnarly mtns, dived deep oceans, flew great air, skied crazy lines. But now – on the other side of those recovered memories, I’ve found the peace and harmony and safety I so desperately sought – right where I am. My now is a wonderful, refreshing place to be. And life is so much better!
Thx for yet another great post my friend!
reb
Wow, Bob, talk about a slap upside the head! One of the best things I’ve learned over the last few years is that whenever I have a problem in my life, I’m there for it, and wherever I go, there I am. What that means for me is that when I run away from a problem, I tend to take all the problem-inducing “stuff” with me. When I stand up and face what’s making me frustrated or upset, I notice that the reason I’m frustrated or upset has everything to do with ME and very little to do with THEM. In fact, the more I realize that, the more grateful I am for the situations and people that wake me up!
Yesterday I got a speeding ticket right in town. I had no idea I was speeding – I thought my default was the speed limit. Turns out it’s 11 miles faster! Good thing the fine is only $1 for every mile over the limit. Best $11 I’ll spend for a long time. My change of SELF allows me to see that when I speed through life, it’s not the fault of the drivers in front of me going slower than my default speed (insert specific frustration here).
Taking that SELF with me to another location or another change of scenery won’t change the outcomes – slow drivers exist in all locations, oddly enough.
Thanks to you and Paul for the great reminder!!
Hey Bob… another fabulous post.
I mentioned to you that I (Kelly) subscribed to your RSS feed. With the title of the post being “A Change of Scenery or A Change of Self”, a friend saw your article on my FaceBook page and asked, “why not both?” I thought about it and I kind of agree there… at least with my experience. Although my experience Is based in personal development.
There have been times where no matter what I have done, I am up against such unbeatable odds, it’s more survival than personal development. I’ve had to remove my self from the “scenery” in order to gain perspective on myself and just plain breathe.
While I agree that, in general, there are some folks who very often look for some sort of quick fix, like the so called “greener pastures”, there are some folks that sometimes, when they know where they are and now what they need to do, they DO need to get away and regroup without battling whatever negativity their surroundings hold.
I short, depending on the person and their level of development, it could go either way. 🙂
Great post, Bob. There’s that old expression, “Nothing changes if nothing changes.” What that means for me is that nothing changes in my life or my business-nothing gets better- until I do.
This post has me thinking about another layer. In my quest for personal growth and development over the last couple of decades, I spent many years looking for the next book, the next seminar, the next spiritual experience that would be “the answer.” I became a knowledge junkie, and a personal growth experience junkie. I spent a good part of the ’80s and early ’90’s in that mode.
It took me many years to realize that all of these things supported the journey within–that the answers are inside of me, and that these external tools can help take me to those answers. Yes, it’s important to learn and to get new information. But I found that for me, it is equally important to tune into myself as I continue to grow.
So as I reflect, I think my change of scenery has been to go from looking “out there” to looking “in here,” and to find the balance between those two things.
Hi Bob,
Thanks for making me think! I guess subconsciously I have been working on this. As you know, I spent 25 years working for the same employer, relocating from one state to the next in search of “greener grass”. Not until the grass was pulled out from under my feet by that employer did I realize that all along I was pointing my finger at something or somebody and was overlooking the other three fingers pointing back at me! The Go-Giver helped me make sense of my desires. XBM has helped me to clear the confusion and focus on me … understanding myself! Sure I have been making changes, some consciously and some unconsciously, but my first step of understanding myself is where I am at.
Joe
Another excellent post, Bob. Thanks!
My wife’s family has a saying, “Do what you did…Get what you got” which I think is cogent in this discussion. If we ever are the same, the “greener grass” is always across the fence or back down the road, behind us.
To be happy when we cross the fence, we have to be happy where we are right now, first. That’s what I’m working on. Thanks for the insights. YOU ROCK!
Keep Believing…
In my experience, I was unable to realize how much a change of scenery was desired until I began to change. Working through things in my mind, looking for answers to old questions and asking new ones, I realized why I’d made the choices I had. I found out I moved home because my parents (particularly my mother) had constantly drilled into me the importance of being close to family. Of the three–mom, dad and stepmom–none have lived outside the same town they were born in. I have. My brothers and one of my sisters do. The blossoming of my life feels stunted here, like a rose blooming in the city there are limits to my growth where I’m planted.
As the old saying goes, “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.” I’ve chosen to do new things in a new place and will get new results when I make the move…which is hopefully very soon!
Thank you, everyone, for your feedback, comments and insights. I appreciate all of you very much. Throughout the day, as I checked back, I really enjoyed reading everything you wrote. It was also fascinating for me to see how interpretations were put through lenses based on how the individual saw their world. Which, of course, makes sense, because we *all* filter pretty much eveything through our personal lenses. Thank you so much again!!
Hey Bob –
There’s a firehouse that runs an old-fashioned siren near my home. At first it was a very annoying sound, as you can imagine. But instead of groaning about it whenever it started screeching, I’ve been allowing it to be a wake-up call to be present and appreciative of all the blessings I have around me.
I call it “frame shifting.”
Thanks,
Jonathan Flaks
This post couldn’t have come along at a better time. I’m facing a grass is greener scenario in my life right now… really for the second time in a year. When weighing my options, I’ll be sure to reflect more on my internal pros and cons and decide who I want to be before making any external decisions.
Jonathan, that’s great. I’ve read, practiced and written about frames and re-framing. It’s a very important part of happiness, peace of mind and effectiveness. I really like your term, “frame shifting.”
Chris, I’m so appreciative of your note. First, for sharing this with all of us. I know it will be a big help to/for others who are going through something similar right now or might in the future. Secondly, in your writing that, it affirms to me that there is value in these posts. I appreciate you greatly.
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