Let’s define Gossip as “Any type of harmful or hurtful communication that is not absolutely necessary to share.”
Of course, there are those rare instances where negative information is necessary to communicate but that would not be gossip. And, even that comes with very strict rules and guidelines. (We’ll discuss that in a future article.)
Gossip, as defined above, ruins lives, destroys reputations, splits families, alienates friends and co-workers, and generally infects any type of organization where it is introduced.
With the above definition in mind, it can legitimately be said that there is nothing positive about gossip
Gossip hurts everyone. Everyone!
So, how to we break our own habit of gossiping, as well as discourage others from doing so in a kind, tactful way. The following five steps will help.
#1 Be Aware:
Like any habit, problem, or sickness, we must first be aware we have it before we can make a decision to rid it from our lives. I was, for many years, very much a gossip. I unintentionally hurt a lot of people; most of all, myself (though I feel worse about the others since I deserved the hurt).
One day about 15 years ago, while reading a book that had a section on that topic, it suddenly hit me “right between the eyes” that what I was reading about was me. While this discovery was very upsetting, it was the epiphany I needed and turned out to be the beginning of a huge change in my life, and level of happiness.
#2 Make a Decision
Yes, at that point, I made a conscious decision to end that very destructive habit, no matter what it took. If this is you, you can do the same. Decide right now that, despite the fact that it’s become a comfortable and familiar part of your life, you are going to stop it, right now!
If you feel that it’s impossible to go “cold turkey” then take it step-by-step. Decide to speak 10 percent less gossip per day for the next week, then another 10 percent, then another, and so on. Or, don’t gossip about certain things that you usually do. Begin by cutting out altogether, or cutting down significantly, all gossip around the office. Then, about friends or family.
We’ll pick this back up in the next article. Meanwhile, is this something you can relate to? Do you know of someone else it relates to? If so, don’t share it. That would be gossip. 🙂 Hopefully, however, the information we’re covering will help you to be able to eventually help them.
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Hear Hear Bob! Tackle it Bob… head on!! This needs to be put on the table, exposed, then drawn and quartered!
Gossip does hurt…everyone! It is slanted, cruel and venomous. So why do people do it? Simple – in some twisted way it FEEDS the perpetrator. Somehow relishing in someone else’s pain or missteps feeds the esteem of the person sharing… as if by comparison, “geez I don’t look so bad”.
Gossip is the equivalent of holding up someone else’s mistake to the world, shining a light on it, and broadcasting “this is the TOTALITY of this person. THIS is who this person is.” It’s a shamefully competetive response. That’s right… competetive!
I have never in my life been a gossip. I do not listen to it. I shelter myself from it. And I have “trained” the people in my life, so that they know I am NOT the person to call if they have something poisonous to share. I simply do not tolerate it. Because what I do know…
When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.
Deb out (and leaving all fired up!!)
Good topic with excellent advise one step at a time 🙂 Thank you for the reminder and sharing.
Leticia, thank you for your kind feedback.
Deb, thank you. I agree with you and think that everything you said is right on the mark.
Bob – thanks for the courage and transparency in sharing that you battled this too. How timely for me, as tonight, as I was reading your new book, The Go Giver Sells More, I was struck by things that I had recently said that just didn’t feel right. I wouldn’t have called it gossip, but now I know (cause sometimes God just has to knock me on the side of the head) that it was. Thanks for being used twice today. 😉
Nice to see this article.
I kicked the gossip habit some time ago, when I realised I began to feel kind of fluey after being part of a gossip session.
These days, I lock potential gossip down by asking the gossiper questions, trying to bring some objectivity or facts to the topic. This usually deflates speculation.
As for malicious gossip, I think it’s best to tackle it head on – “So what you’re saying is…?”
Interestingly, kicking the gossip habit has meant I somehow spend less time around gossipy people.
This takes me back to the “feathers” story you told some time ago.
That story has enabled me to bite my lip more times than I can count.
“When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.” (Prov 10:19)
Oh that I can be wise!
Jennifer
I know what gossip can do, because I have been at the receiving end of it for years.It came to head when my brother started downing me to my daughter without just cause.It also ended our brother and sister relationship forever.This has gone on for years.The gossip was not true it was based on many situations that were blown way out of portion and not factual at all.
I did my best for years to ignore it but could not any longer.
Gossip does destroy.So try your best to avoid getting caught up in a gossip mill.
I saw it destroy my Mom and myself. By these same family members.
I refused to let it destroy my daughter and myself so I simply removed myself from them, no choice was left..Get away from the source if they will not stop. Just don’t go along with it. It serves no purpose at all but to hurt the ones that are caught up in this kind of behavior.