One of the most effective ways to persuade someone to take a certain action is to communicate very clearly to them the fact that…they don’t have to take that action.
Counter-intuitive? Yes. And, very productive.
What I’m suggesting is that you give them an “out.” An out, or “backdoor”, is a way of letting a person feel comfortable with you and the situation by providing them with an emotional escape route. This removes any pressure they might feel – whether from you or self-inflicted – because they have a choice.
Human nature dictates that the greater the level of choice one has, the less he or she feels the need to exercise that choice.
Often used in the sales process in order to make the prospect more relaxed and amenable, it can be utilized in any aspect of positive persuasion, whether dealing with a friend, family member, co-worker or the customer (dis)service representative who needs just a bit of help in order to make your experience with that company a bit more pleasant.
In Winning Without Intimidation I suggest what I call, “The Eight Key Words That Will Practically Always Move a Person to Your Side of The Issue.” After displaying politeness and patience, you simply say:
“If you can’t do it, I’ll definitely understand.”
If need be (and need probably won’t be), you can follow up by gently saying, “If you could, I’d certainly appreciate it.” Then, if need still be (which I can almost guarantee it won’t) you finish with, “Of course, don’t get yourself in any hot water over it.”
You have honored this person by totally removing pressure and giving him or her the option to escape through the backdoor. This, instead of painting them into a corner where their ego will have to in some way prevail. You’ve also just “gently challenged” them to come through and do their best, while assuring them that they are worth more to you than whether they can deliver what you want.
As Blair Warren advises, “In our quest to gain compliance, we would be wise to remember that sometimes the best way to get people to do things is to remind them that they don’t have to.”
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Great article Bob. I unthinkingly used that exact technique just the other day and met with success. I have found that most people are willing and happy to help which is a pretty good reflection on people as a whole.
Practical and sensible. Loved it!
Hi Bob,
This doesn’t sound like persuasion at all.
Rather, it seems that when a proposed solution for a want or need (the offer), actually does meet the requirement – taking the pressure off simply avoids the unnecessary resistance that could be created by misguided zealous salesmen/women that have perfected tools of manipulation and subtle coercion to “land” the sale.
The quote from Blair Warren makes strange use of the word “compliance” (which I would ban from the lexicon of selling of any kind). Whenever people do things because they feel they have to, a seed of resentment and resistance is sown.
Bob Burg
I just tried your technique on one of my favorite people in the world. It NEARLY worked…
I’m going to have to try again.
Thanks!
🙂
Thank you Barbara, Leticia, Natalie and Jack for your feedback and kind words.
Jack, it all goes back to definitions. If one defines “persuasion” as causing one to take action (in this case, we are assuming the intent is good; not evil – that would be manipulation), then persuasion would (in my opinion) be the correct word. The paradox is that – in this case – the best way to persuade is to honor the other person’s dignity and right to self-determination by giving them that “out” or “backdoor’ and communicating to them that it’s up to them.
In my opinion, it’s a wonderful way to persuade. Absolutely no pressure. But, just because ther wasn’t any pressure doesn’t mean you didn’t cause them to take the action you desired them to take (that they might not have at first chosen to take).
Regarding Blair’s choice of words, I know what you mean in the sense that “compliance” sort of has a negative connotation (and I also would never use it in the selling process) but I’ve read enough of Blair’s work to believe very strongly that that is simply the word he is using for one’s “accepting your idea and taking action in that regard.” His point in the specific article I was referring to was, as he wrote: “…we would be wise to remember that sometimes the best way to get people to do things is to remind them that they don’t have to.”
I hope that explains it. Thank you for joining our discussion. Much appreciated!
very interesting read!
how can this apply to website content?