In Liz Lynch’s excellent book, Smart Networking: Attract A Following In Person And Online, she points out that when first meeting someone, the typical person is forming their first impressions of the other by silently assessing:
- Is this person interesting?
- Is she someone I should get to know better?
- Does she have knowledge or skills that can help me or someone I know?
- Is there any way that I can help her?
After discussing this a bit, she makes a hugely powerful point:
“The most generous networkers will unconsciously start their wheels turning with the last question and work their way backwards to the other questions.”
Right on, Liz Lynch! The only thing I’m going to suggest (and this is just me) is that we might even replace the word “generous” with the word, “astute.” But, either one certainly works.
When you can put the other person first in your own mind and actually take your eyes off of yourself (Thomas Power, in his terrific book, Networking for Life, refers to this concept as, “the willing suspension of self-interest”) you are networking in a way that not only will benefit the other person but will benefit you, as well.
Let’s discuss this more in the next article. First, though, may I ask you why you think Liz has it right?
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Thats a greaat article. I think it can be quite difficult and non productive to look at people at a networking event with a view of what you can get from them. This is especially true at business start-up event were neither party has much cash flow to invest in each other’s services. It’s much easier and more fruitful to find a counterpart rather than a customer at a networking event. I also think it allows you to become more valuable to people. By seeing how you can be of service to someone in a networking situation, you can learn how to market yourself effectively to potential clients.
Powerful re-frame–thanks, Bob! Love the phrase, “the willing suspension of self-interest”. Comes back to offering true value, and making a difference. Definitely a long-term character & brand “play” focused on making a difference rather than short-term self-interest. When coming from a place of self-worth, confidence, & purpose rather than guilt or “co-dependency”, this is a powerful place where everybody wins.
Agreed. And I don’t think it’s just a “technique” to be a savvy networker. I think it’s a way of being in your life. It’s aligning your heart and your actions. It’s being fully present with that other person.
Although I have to admit, I do like it when they’re interesting!
To be “wealthy”, have one million friends! What a Rich Life that is. Starting at the bottom of Liz’ list, you’ll need to hone your listening skills to hear what the other person truly wants, because it’s often Not the first 3 things they say. I believe others often test us to see if we’re open, trustworthy, and real.
Bob,
It really works out well the way you suggest. I find that people who need help are usually pretty darn interesting. Especially if they are able to be articulate about their ideal client (or other need that they have).
And it works in reverse: when someone listens to YOU as if they were figuring out ways to be helpful, that makes THEM interesting!
It’s funny, another very wise philosopher, Ricky Bobby, also stated this, just in a different way “If you ain’t first, you’re last.” Haha. A little levity for a Monday afternoon.
Regards,
Beth
Thank you everyone, for sharing your time and thoughts. I always appreciate your participation.