Over the past two articles we saw from Liz Lynch that astute networkers approach a new possible business relationship by focusing, not on how the other person might be able to help him or her but on how they could possibly help the other person. In other words, purposely and purposefully taking your eyes off of yourself (me-focused) and concentrating on how you can add value to them (other-focused)
We learned from Thomas Power that this could be called, “the willing suspension of self-interest.”
And, because those who approach networking like this naturally elicit from others the “Know, like and trust” feelings crucial to developing both direct and referral business, they tend to thrive…and big-time!
What then, is the danger I referred to at the conclusion of the last article?
It’s, what I call, the “emotional attachment to payback.” It’s thinking that – because you have added value to this person’s life – they should; they must find a way to add value to yours; that you are now entitled to their being focused on you. In The Go-Giver Sam explains to Joe that this is trading or “keeping score” rather than giving. And people see through that quicker than a…than a…well, they see through it pretty quickly in most cases. 🙂
I refer to this as a trap because it’s easy to get “caught” in it without realizing, until too late. We want things now and – if we don’t get them now – there must be something wrong. And, it isn’t so.
There are those who might take what I’m saying as, “give without expectation.” But, I don’t believe that’s accurate. I want you to expect to receive; just not to be emotionally attached to having to receive…from that specific source or anyone else.
Give, not to get, but simply to give. Give because you truly enjoy adding value to others. Suspend your self-interest knowing that it’s the way you’ll develop the relationships resulting in all the business you desire. It might be new business directly from that person or it might not be. It might be indirectly from that person…or it might not be.
But even when it doesn’t seem to be (John David Mann calls this “The Law of Left Field” which we’ll discuss in a future article), it can often be traced back to something specific you did for someone; not with an agenda, but just because you’re a person of value who does those kinds of things.
After all, it’s who you are. And, because it’s who you are, it’s what you do. And…you prosper.
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Great article post Bob, thank you. One of the hardest lessons to pick up as a service provider or sales person is to not have any attachment to the outcome or result of your clients or customers.
I was having a conversation with a business partner the other day & we concluded, you’re in a real bad position when you want it more for your client or customer then they want it for themselves, no matter what the product or services is.
Bob thanks again for all your great post, real value.
Hi Bob,
I read this a few times letting the words sink in. As I sit back from my computer thinking, reflecting, checking my motives, my heart…breath deep! This can not be head knowledge, it”s a true issue of the heart. It’s dying to self, Not Losing “Self Love” but, losing the “Me Attitude”. This is not always an easy thing to do.
We really do a disservice to yourselves when we have the heart of, “if you scratch my back I will scratch yours”, we are cheating on ourselves with the wrong attitude.
I do expect to receive all that is rightfully mine. To live with a sound mind, wealth, happiness, health and a long full life! To live with all these blessings, I in return will learn everyday to give from my heart for the pure joy of giving.
Debby
A true Giver relishes in the act of giving…
It is the giving that gives the Giver joy in life….
What a pleasure to make someone else smile or ease their pain.
With that said, Givers often also DO receive….
Just perhaps not from the person they gave to.
In the end, it’s all good…
So keep on giving, especially as we approach the spirit of Thanksgiving!
Bob, EXACTLY. Give and give and give. There are 4 kinds of Networkers – The Takers – all about me, The Lurkers – fearful of involvement and commitment, The Scorekeepers – I gave, now where’s mine?, and The Rainmakers (or Go-Givers) who give and give without keeping score, wondering when it is going to come back, and are helping others. It does come back, but if are too busy looking for it, you’ll never find it. It finds you. +m2 P.S. Knock’em dead today in Dallas with Brian. Love to be a fly on that wall!
Michael
Michael J. Maher, MBA
Author of the soon-to-be-released The Seven Levels of Communication: Go from Relationships to Referrals.
Bob, you are exactly right that giving has so many benefits. Whether you get back from that person or in some other way, it WILL come back to you. Giving often brings extra benefits. I did a teleseminar last night with my nutritionist (we talked about how what you eat affects your networking). I was giving him a chance to become known to my list, but ended up giving him a lot more than that. Today he called me so excited that the mayor of the small community where he lives was forwarded the replay by someone, loved the content, and wants to take my guest to lunch and see what they may be able to do together. The kind of giving that turns into something even greater than you imagined is so much fun!
Sara
Wow, thank you everyone for your terrific comments. I enjoyed them and benefitted from them greatly.
I am a 7 year member of a world wide networking organization whose motto is, “Givers Gain”. Each week I see that philosophy put into action. In one year, our chapter has given over $800,000 of outside referrals to members in our group. It feels good to help someone else.