Over the past two articles we saw from Liz Lynch that astute networkers approach a new possible business relationship by focusing, not on how the other person might be able to help him or her but on how they could possibly help the other person. In other words, purposely and purposefully taking your eyes off of yourself (me-focused) and concentrating on how you can add value to them (other-focused)
And, because those who approach networking like this naturally elicit from others the “Know, like and trust” feelings crucial to developing both direct and referral business, they tend to thrive…and big-time!
What then, is the danger I referred to at the conclusion of the last article?
It’s, what I call, the “emotional attachment to payback.” It’s thinking that – because you have added value to this person’s life – they should; they must find a way to add value to yours; that you are now entitled to their being focused on you. In The Go-Giver Sam explains to Joe that this is trading or “keeping score” rather than giving. And people see through that quicker than a…than a…well, they see through it pretty quickly in most cases. 🙂
I refer to this as a trap because it’s easy to get “caught” in it without realizing, until too late. We want things now and – if we don’t get them now – there must be something wrong. And, it isn’t so.
There are those who might take what I’m saying as, “give without expectation.” But, I don’t believe that’s accurate. I want you to expect to receive; just not to be emotionally attached to having to receive…from that specific source or anyone else.
Give, not to get, but simply to give. Give because you truly enjoy adding value to others. Suspend your self-interest knowing that it’s the way you’ll develop the relationships resulting in all the business you desire. It might be new business directly from that person or it might not be. It might be indirectly from that person…or it might not be.
But even when it doesn’t seem to be (John David Mann calls this “The Law of Left Field” which we’ll discuss in a future article), it can often be traced back to something specific you did for someone; not with an agenda, but just because you’re a person of value who does those kinds of things.
After all, it’s who you are. And, because it’s who you are, it’s what you do. And…you prosper.